i don\'t know WHY
Date: Apr 10th, 2005 10:20:32 am - Subscribe
Mood: numb
Today...
its been overwhelming... i knew alot of pple wld sign up for registration at the last min but i didnt expect to come home like that.
The registration was mad, to say the least... 50 odd youths ard the booth n i was the only one there manning it. Thank God J n C came to help me. But i was upset, because the youths knew we had been having registration for an entire month n some of them juz decided to sign up last min n worse of all, without $. What do u expect me to do when u sign up w/o $? They had 1 month n they all had to rush it in a day... n make things diff for me.
The committee i was in was worse... instead of setting a gd example n being the first to sign up, half of them didnt bring the money. How many times did i personally email/sms/ tell them that i CANT sign them up w/o the $ n today's the last day!! i dun expect them to help me in admin but the least they cld do was sign up on time... is it that hard to fill in a form n carry some $ to church?
The pple who registered argued n debated with me on the reg terms... it was like the whole world was out to make life diff.
We had a meeting that lasted 4 hrs n i was ignored most of the time, other than the pastor asking me for stuff she didnt tell me she wanted- "what is---", "where is--"
if she could only tell me in advance all that she wants to know and have, i wld willingly prepare it for her... but she juz asked n expects me to know every single detail or be able to answer anyth she asks...
i dunno... i felt so...numb...
i thot, now i und why J once said-'why wld anyone want to do admin?'
Now i und... it's a task that is overworked, underpaid n under-appreciated...
i was trying to suppress the tears at service. think no one knew, though P. Ron wasstaring straight at me when he preached. Thot i'd push all my emotions down till i got home..
even when tearing in svs, i felt strange.
FOR once in my life, i was crying w/o knowing why.
i didnt know what EXACTLY i was crying about. i was juz crying.
I can only say everythn was maybe too overwhemling... it wasnt the stress but prob the emotional whatever i felt...
i dun even know what it was...grief? anger? stress? i thought hard but my mind was blank...
when i got home, it was like the floodgates opened. i locked me in the toilet n to my horror i cldn stop crying for 2 hrs... i dunno what got over me, i really didnt know what i was crying about...
i dun like crying n not knowing why, worse off being unable to stop...
i know i felt hurt though... by the pple, the comm, the pastor... individually they were small cuts, put together i guess maybe i cldn take it
i always thot i was strong. seems i really thought wrong. i feel like the biggest fool, crying w/o even knowing why.
i thot i'd stopped n it was ok n when i got down to blog, the thot of the retreat reg came into my mind n before i knew it, my eyes teared on their own...
Drops of rain (2)
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chellie - April 10th, 2005 |
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miranda - April 11th, 2005 |