juz kill me
Date: Mar 23rd, 2005 1:05:40 pm - Subscribe
Mood: dead
today i wished tomorrow never came...
its not juz the heavy workload, its having to deal with pple, the same pple who claim to be ur frens n yet hurt u, church pple who hurt and sadden...
got so pissed at XX... i really wonder if she has any love for her frens. So far, she only 'takes' and doesnt 'give'. Even when working with her, she is lazy n we have to cover up her sloppiness and mistakes.. juz feel so tired.. and when i needed a listening ear, juz realised my fren cant be bothered...
was at church today and after a waking up call by Reg, i tried to change for the better, but it hurt me to see that the team was doing exactly what Reg said NOT to do. This is the Lord's hse, not ur hse, dun treat it as a casual plc where u do what u like... and there they were, chatting and trying to read while doing worship for Him.. juz felt so alone in this, am i e only one in this plc who sees the hypocrisy of it all? im not perfect but i juz dun want to always be the one being aware or sensitive .. i dun always want to be the listener.. i dun want to be always the 'detailed' and 'prepared' one. i feel so tired.. i wish i was lazy, insensitive and heck-care.. then i wun be hurt by pple's insensitivity or have to think so much details only to be taken for granted...
they say God gives each one unique gifts..if these are my so-called gifts, i'd rather God take them away... they are like a double-edged sword, cutting me up at times...
so many things to do..essays/church cell/church admin...what is life all about? work?
where is rest? where is peace?where is joy? i really wish i were dead.. the phy n emo issues are so tiring...
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