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banzee the hardships of decision-making. - Subscribe

don't be fooled by the title. this day was better than the last!

i'm just happy because i saw him again today. not only that, i saw him up close. call me pathetic but i'm not like everyone else who have gone so far. and if you're in love, you're happy about the simplest things and blush at your every word. at least that's what its like in my case. oh c'mon, who wouldn't be in love with that adorable look he had earlier? (sorry)

anyway, what made it better was my dad. for the first time, he asked me about what i would take for college. and yes, thank God he's concerned.

These days are too pretty to be true. so right now i'm scared to think of what would happen in the future. my wheel won't stop turning unless i'm dead.

0 Comments
Mood: whimsical

banzee unlike any other 5/10/2006 01:31 - Subscribe

this day was... i don't know! earlier today, i went to the court for my drills. and guess what,,, i dived on clay. sigh. dammit. that was definitely embarrassing. but my trainer said, "you're not normal if you never tripped in sand."

you should see my shirt. from white, it turned MAROON. oh well... no pain, no gain, right?

i got a lot of pressure in me right now. and unlike any other pressures i've gone through, i'm not really sure i can handle this one. but i really hope i can because i wanted this. i really really wanted this so i can't let go without trying.

this day was really weird too! i found something out that is really really hard to fathom...in a good way. i heard about it this morning and right now, i'm still laughing! oh gosh. well, unbelievably, i'm happy about it! really i am! even though this person's my past... but that's not why i can't take it in. it's really funny I SWEAR.

i love you dear. as a friend. i'm definitely sure about what i feel for you now and it's nothing more than that. just be careful because i don't want you getting hurt.

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Mood: holy embarrassment...

banzee turn tables. 5/09/2006 12:16 - Subscribe

people keep talking about going to review classes for college entrance exams. and i got my application for the University of the Philippines earlier. these things are making me nervous because i didn't go to review classes. I was just damned by the money it would cost my parents. and people keep telling me it's actually useless. but i can't help thinking: what if i didn't pass any one of those??? well it's a good thing i got some hand-outs from a friend.

sigh. i'm getting old. i almost forgot that i'm almost in college. oh sh*t.

0 Comments
Mood: NERVOUS.

banzee perfect day 5/08/2006 05:15 - Subscribe

today is the best day i've had in a few weeks. i stayed in the court the whole day and i've made myself known as "the only girl who can take the 1pm heat". haha. no one is willing to play in the heat. why do i? hey, the court is free from 11am-2pm so why not? but imagine, what if my parents found out that i keep forgetting to wear the sun block. i hate lotion!

the best part of the day is when he came.

and yeah, it's the first time i've seen him since last friday and... sigh.

to give you an idea, i don't really look like someone who would fall for a jock. or even fall for anyone. soooo...

but anyway, seeing him just made it the perfect day...an award-winning day.

haha someone once told me (can't remember when) "you know what? you're a real hard-to-get. no pretences. but when someone sweeps you off your feet, you are definitely what a girl is supposed to be."

i have no idea what that meant. does that mean you would always have to stick with the "highschool girl kilig" stances whenever you see this certain guy? NO WAY.

But who knows, with ME, i might just stick to it forever.

0 Comments
Mood: groovy

banzee the irony in life 5/06/2006 01:55 - Subscribe

i'm so happy i got to play again and yes, thank GOD i am improving.

i was reflecting on things earlier. you see, there's this ball boy, i'm not sure how old he is (probably around 10) but he is definitely TOO SMALL for his age. he went out of the court for a second, and when he came back, the back of his shirt was bloody. i didn't mind it at first because i thought it was something else (his shirt was dark blue.) when kuya larry (the one who tried to fix my service) asked him why, he said "my mom hit me with a softdrink bottle."
when i asked why, "because my dad ran away."

WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT???

i mean, there are people who want to have kids but never had them while some bitch beat up their own children!

so guys, maybe if there's some compassion left in you, why not make a child to love, not to hate? but if you're some stupid fool doing "IT" for pleasure, you should also spend time in jail---FOR PLEASURE.

god i hate those people. they stink.

2 Comments
Mood: totally undescribable.

banzee fine day 5/05/2006 07:07 - Subscribe

hell yeah i'm feelin' shiny!

endorphines are comin' out of me.

well finally i got to play. my coach/trainer didn't actually come so i played with the ball boys. it's understood that if he didn't come, i had to observe other players or play with someone else. i mean, i can't go on playing with just my coach, right?

it's kind of funny. you see, i've been playin' for a year, yet i haven't really gone that far. i was so busy last school year, i couldn't find time, not even the weekends. but even so, someone told me i just had to play more often and i might just get a scholarship for college (i'm entering my fourth and last yer of high school, you see.) But my mom didn't really go for it because my grades would surely be in cross-courts. not that i really need it but hey, it's a chance for me to finally get active and i can save money just by sweating. it would really do my family and i some good.

0 Comments
Mood: shiny

banzee losing my mind 5/03/2006 08:22 - Subscribe

staying at home is making me lose my creativity. i really need to get out.

but i can't. there are lots of reasons why. my friends are all too busy with their college entrance reviews (which i didn't take for the sake of playing tennis), i never got a summer job because my aunt won't give me one, and i am having my goddamn period now.

but yeah, i'm desperate. maybe i'll do with a couple of new DVDs here. so there, i wish they got good ones.

awww. sometimes i just love summer because of its skinheads, but at times like these, i really hate it. i want to go to school. i really miss being busy.

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Mood: my head is aching

banzee from shackles to kodak. 5/02/2006 09:42 - Subscribe

i can't believe i would be missing tennis classes today.
sigh... it's just that i was so excited to be there. i get to exercise, hit people and stuff. and staying home won't do me good.

i gotta kill time... so what should i do?

i'm a very proud person and i'd hate to admit it but yeah, i am definitely missing somebody inside that court. and no, i don't know when i'll see him again. but with his picture posted on that bulletin board, i guess i would see him anyway.

oh gosh...

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Mood: just plain silly

banzee it's a start 5/02/2006 07:07 - Subscribe

I wanna do everything.
I just wanna do it now.
that's how i get ambitious.
i wanna be complete.

Banzee by the way. and no, i'm not in a commercial. no sam milby here nor is there a beauty queen. but hey, i'm sure i'll stand out if i wanted to.

what do i sound like?

well yeah, i'm a lot different in person.

so what do you want to hear? it's summer and i ain't got much to tell. but in case you wanted to know, i wanna kill someone right now. he kills the sh*t outta me. oh c'mon. who cares...

so yeah... obviously, i ain't feelin' good...

1 Comments
Mood: ambitious