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New Beginnings (Again) Jan 23rd, 2005 9:25:12 am - Subscribe
Well, here I am again. When I decided to call the name of my blog, "My Journey Back To Thin" I was right on there, for this truly is a journey!

I started a Yahoo group, mainly for myself to journal in. The name of it is HALLELUJAH DIET JOURNEYS, and I will be posting in there (journaling) the majority of the time now.

I like the Yahoo group better for my journaling; it seems more personal to me, and easier in some way than coming on here to blog.

But I also feel that I have written some good stuf in here, and plan on returning occasionally to update and add, etc.
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Mood: addicted

Crashed, Burned, Got Back Up! Dec 22nd, 2004 7:34:42 pm - Subscribe
Here it is almost my birthday - I will be 48 in 3-more days - and, surprisingly, this feels good in a weird way! (go figure!)

Well, since I have last posted way back in late August - around 3-months ago - I have crashed hard on my Journey Back To Thin. Last summer was one of the absoloute worst summers of my life - and I have not had very many of those! It probably was not detectable in my previous posts, as it was not something that I was talking about, but I was going through hell last summer, and am just now, in the past few weeks, beginning to feel like I am maybe getting it "together" again, THANK GOD. I won't go into all that happened on here - no need for that - and besides, I just want to move FORWARD from this point on.

I also started smoking again, shortly after my last post, and have been smoking like a chimney ever since - sheesh! All that I can say about that is that I made the fatal mistake of having "just one" - knowing full well that I cannot smoke "just one." But that was the Nicodemon talking, and in my addict-state-of-mind, I listened, fell for it, and then of course crashed.

But one must go on. Now, I am looking at another quit-smoking date of January 1st.

And next week, I am joining the local Curves for Women. I am going to need a physical outlet when I quit smoking here in a few days, and I have chosen Curves over the local YMCA, at least for now. I am too big and fat to have any desire to work-out in a co-ed group. NO THANK YOU.

I plan on going to Curves a minimum of 3-days a week. I know it will really help me to feel better about myself. I want to get healthy and fit SO BAD!

As far as my healthier intake of what I am putting into my body, well, lets just say that I lost my good handle on it, and am going to have to start over in that area, which I will, but now, with my upcoming quit, that will probably most likely go on a back burner until I feel like I have the non-smoking thing back under control - ONE THING AT AT TIME!

I did this all to myself, so now I am just having to deal with the mess that I produced. HOW NICE.
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Mood: Optimistic About My Future!

Subway Sabatoge Aug 31st, 2004 10:45:14 pm - Subscribe
Ending Day 8.

I began working at a local Subway (restaurant-not rail commuter lol) two-days ago, and lo and behold, yesterday and today I was NOT 75% Raw...... which is my daily goal, as it is the main component -along with my regular walking - of My Journey Back To Thin....

Wondering now, wht to do....I need to think of a new game plan here; I do NOT want to leave My Journey, NO WAY!

Should I think of another method, like, allow myself one Subway meal on the days that I work - and then, after I leave work, nothing but raw the remainder of that day? I think that I would actually rather do it this way, then keep beating myself up every day for eating at work; that is stoopid!

The way that I see it is, I either eat at work or I don't - and with me just being new at this job, I know myself; it is just too darn difficult to be making all of those different kinds of subs, wraps, and salads, and NOT be sampling them - ESPECIALLY when, as an employee, I get a FREE lunch everyday...ACK!

At least Subway is known for its low-fat, low-calorie sandwiches, and isn't some greasy-spoon hamburger joint that revolves around a fryer and a grill; I do have THIS consolation.....(with the exception of their home-made fresh-daily cookies - YIKES!)

I think that what I am going to do is allow myself to eat my one free meal each workday, and then when I leave work, discipline myself to eat RAW ONLY. This just makes more sense to me than to be beating myself up each day for eating at work.....

Sadly enough, I realize that doing this is going to take me LONGER to complete My Journey, (by reaching my goal weight of 135 lbs.), however, since I am making the decision, then this is the price I am paying....

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Mood: pensive

Beginning Day 6 Aug 30th, 2004 6:20:44 am - Subscribe
Well I learned something.
First though, I have decided to allow myself occasional salmon or tuna. Which of course is not on the HD, (Hallelujah Diet) and neither is dairy, which I have allowed myself my shredded cheddar on my salads. So I cannot really say that I am on the HD, because with the fish and cheddar, I am not following it 100%. But I guess my diet doesn't have to have a name to work, lol.

But getting back to what I have learned! Last night, late, I thought that I "just had to snack" and so I had 2-slices of Ezekial toast w/non-hydrogenated spread (which I will refer to from here on out as "spread") and "just fruit" fruit spread, and probably 1/2 can of pink salmon.

I feel OK about what I ate, but it was WHEN I ate it. Since the beginning of My Journey here, I have been waking up with a pleasant lightness in my tummy; a new feeling for me - and a pleasurable one! And I have found that I cannot eat very much late at night-and then expect to feel my best in the morning; it just don't work that way.

So I am going to have to get a grip on my night time snacking, and the later it is when I eat, the worse that I feel in the morning. YUK

Something tells me that I am going to HAVE to learn to apply self-discipline in this area - something that is new to me with my eating.

It can be done! I have quit smoking - so I KNOW that I have the strength that it takes withiin me to learn to NOT snack in the late evening! I need to decide on a time, and then decide that I will NOT eat anything after that time..... I will think on that today......
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Mood: bloated

Evening of Day 5 Aug 29th, 2004 8:38:41 pm - Subscribe
Went to morning church today, caught tail-end of Sunday School.

Intake 4 Today:

3 Very Small Baked Potatoes w/Non-Hydrogenated Spread.

I Toss Salad w/Mixed Greens, Red Cabbage, Shredded Cheddar, w/my homemade Poppy Seed dressing that is made w/olive oil and apple cider vinegar.

I Baked Sweet Potato w/Non-Hydrogenated Spread.

Am thinking about having some canned salmon........

Went to evening church.
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Mood: OK