Living Life Sideways
Date: Jul 12th, 2006 7:22:23 am - Subscribe
Mood: ok
Music: smile empty soul
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Living Life Sideways
Current mood: Amused, Tired, Bored, In pain, calm, hyper, crazy,
Category: Blogging
saw a movie today, made me think alot.
what would life be like if i replayed it?
am i really happy with how its turned out?
well yes and no. i mean i think about the friends ive made, the parties ive been to, the mistakes i overcame, the boys, the good times, the bad times. Im not happy with it. But right now im happy. I have lots of people that care about me.
During this movie i was watching there was a lovey dovey mushy scene, i thought of george. I miss those times, it was fun and exciting. Even though he hurt me badly in the end, I would never want to take those experiences away.
I mean there are some things i would change. I would love to erase my 11th grade year from my life, but that would also mean erasing a newly made best friend and erasing a once great love and i just couldnt do that.
Life is full of experiences to go through and chances to take.
"Not everything has to be bad, cant there be good times too" is what i used to say to myself. Yeah there can be good times, it just takes time. but do i really have to wait "Life is full of waiting"
so in other words life not only sucks but it also blows
so another thing i was thinking about. Yesterday well techinically the other day a friend asked me if i still love george. I was thinking about that alot today, especially during this movie. I really dont know the answer to that question. I mean yeah I do love him and he will always have a place in my heart, but i dont know if I LOVE LOVE him. I think ive just accepted the fact that we have both moved on with our life. I love him as in the love for a friend. Its weird to think of us as anything more.
I mean...hes george lol ...enough said...
But yeah so i was also thinking, i have a friend of mine. Ive got a little bit of a crush on him. Which actually i kinda like a few people and none of them are serious but yeah hes one of them. Pretty sure he kinda likes me too. But anyway i was thinkin, if he asked me out, what would i say? I mean i love the single life and i dont want to give it up yet but i dunno relationships are definately nice. Either way i still will have all the benifits if i ever want them, lol that sounds horrible. Anyway, i would probably respond with a good ole fashion, "ummm i dunno"
haha bringing up that subject and things that ive noticed and would like to rant about, NO i dont want a boyfriend, im not trying nor am i looking for one, if i dont call im sorry, normally I DONT CALL PEOPLE, im not good at returning calls either, nor am i good at returning myspace messages right away, i dont answer my phone alot either, i dont like to answer it when im with my friends, which is pretty much all the time, jsyn i cuddle with lots of people, i like to cuddle it makes me feel good, if i cuddle with you it doesnt necesarily mean i like like you, but i wont cuddle with anyone, im weird about that, also dont become obsessed with me, its just going to annoy me, i have enough stalkers, another thing, watching me sleep is both weird and wrong, and dont worry about me not wanting to hang out or not wanting to be your friend, i do want to be your friend and i do want to hang out, i just dont know when we can hang out, i am a very random person and i like to do things at the last second, im impulsive and indecisive, and if i say no to something i mean it, normally i do at least, there are those certain occasions where i dont but then ill let ya know if that happens.
more thoughts ive been thinkin are lifes been an interesting ride, theres been alot of twists and turns, i definately feel like im living sideways, if anybody has any idea what that means lol, i didnt expect things to turn out this way but i figured they would. im back to being somewhat my old self whatever that is, i dunno but i kinda like it.
Ive decided that i need to stop growing up for a while. Since i was 16 all ive wanted to do was grow up and get a job and work my life away. eh fuck that, i need to be a kid while i still can, why do i need to grow up
and then i was also thinking about random times in my life, lets just blurt a few of them out, ill try to keep it clean ~_^
-little me walking around in the yard shirtless with my karaoke singing to the beat of my own tune that i love my underrooos
-getting bucked off the horse at trevors house and eating platefulls of cottage cheese
-hehe simon says with brandon c
-ms stack haha man everybody hated her i cant believe she still remembers me
-playing keeper and refusing to get off the soccer field when andrew dunn broke my wrist on a penalty kick which i blocked btw but refusing to get off the field bc i didnt want them to score
-curwood weekend laying down under the tree at the middle school with a very cute boy, hands definately busy, as the cops walk up and ask how everything is going and if were alright, fine we reply as we laugh histarically while they are walking away, then back to business
-tawas, in the middle of the road, laying on our bikes with sleeping bags and pillows watching all of the shooting stars
-dude, what the fuck does that stop sign say, dude i have no fucking clue, yeah we probably shouldnt be here right now, ooo look boys ^-^
-parties at rhondas, locking downstairs, hiding the wine, tackling me while i sit indian style on the baby gate so you can take my drink, bleep, punching in the face to see bleep, fighting, ill never let go
-stripping on the soccer field
-slurpee runs
-late nights at ops, cuddling and making out in my car
-laying in the middle of the road with a cute boy while watching the stars
-rough break ups, new beginnings, secrets
-sneaking out to meet up with a cute boy out past his curfew, late nights, going for walks, laying down in the neighbors driveway, cuddling and kissing, watching the stars, talking, lots of smiles
-sittin down at the creek at ops, boy walks up "im sorry" i sit there breaking and throwing sticks "you could have told me, i wouldnt have been mad", boy hands me note it reads "i love you"
-watching cute boys play in a band onstage
-sitting there, knowing its over but not wanting to go through with it, loving him and knowing its not worth it
-fights that i already knew the truth and his lies were not working
-living on a promise from him
-broken promises
-losing a cute boy to what i knew was already going to happen
-bad break ups, lies, better new beginnings, new friendships
-falling asleep in a cute boys arms and waking back up still in them
-lots of kissing and cuddling, ^-^
-omlettes at 4am
-no sleep early meetings
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so anyway im done with my blog, you can be done reading now, you dont have to leave comments but you can, its always fun, if we have had some good times you should definately leave me a comment on here explaining it, good times are great to read and relive.
<3heather
-songs-
Story of the Year -and the hero will drown
Smile Empty Soul -your way
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perfect110 - July 12th, 2006 |
