sattorie's Blog

All Of A Sudden
Date: Jan 23rd, 2007 12:42:38 pm - Subscribe
Mood: contemplative
Music: Angels Among Us

Phil is always telling me I am NOT psychic, he doesn't believe I ever have been or ever will be. Despite having friends backing up visions I have had. Things I have been able to call bang on before they happen, when they happen I knew them. 3 friends I called being pregnant before they were. My grandfather I called dying of lung cancer a few years before he did. I've even called the right gender of babies to be entering the world, although that is more Sarah's fortee she does much better with that she has only been wrong once. I just seem to see things and know things. I have a very strong sixth sense. However since being on seroquel it's messed up with my ability to see clearly like I could before. I hate it. I do believe here in victoria BC there is alot of psychic vampires I used to get drained alot. Doug had to teach me how to protect myself, as did this other guy Mike. Doug also taught me how to astral travel now that is the shit Anyhow I got this overwhelming sense to cry just before 6am today. Like someone I care about is either going to do something that breaks my heart, or someone is going to get hurt or die or already has. I am actually shaking and my eyes are just welled up. Something is wrong, terribly wrong. I am actually shaking. I wish the vision of what or who would come to me. I miss seeing things at least then I could be more clear. Stupid fricken meds Anyway if I say anything to Phil he'll just tell me I am being stupid and yell at me :'(
I think I figured out part of my depression issue right now. I think I need a change of pace. I feel stagnated here. I mean I don't feel like I have anything to get up to or look forward to in a day. oooohhhhh another day of gloominess and being yelled at oh happy day.I have no will to do anything in this place. I need a smaller place, a brighter place. This winter has sucked milkthistle lol. I can't remember the last REAL vacation I took. I think if I won a trip to whereever I wanted to go or won some money I would love to go visit Phoenix in New York. How fun would that be? She is always a gas, love her to death
Today is my best friend Sherri Huberdeau's Bday HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRI!!!!! She is now 34. She always bugs me that I am older than her because I turn a yr older than her in nov and then we're the age when she gets older in january. The little shit.Ya know I have been wondering lately if maybe my exhaustion is more than just bipolar but Chronic Fatigue syndrome. You know growing up I was really tired all the time too. I don't know how many times I was tested for mono among other things trying to find a reason why I was so tired and dragging ass all the time. It's an achy, just weak shaky tired feeling. Like getting up to go to the bathroom sometimes is a huge ordeal. I do have good days, weeks and sometimes months. I do get manic episodes where I can't sleep which seems to be lately. I am tired but sleep very little. IN last week have only sleept a couple hours on and off lately.
I know my iron is probably at ground zero I never kept up with the shots. I just got too tired of going every damn two weeks and Phil would tell me how stupid I was for having to go so often to the doctor so I just stopped going to the doctor. I wish I could just get the shots at home. Don't bother writing me and telling me about the pills and liquid my body rejected them they didn't absorb either thus why I had to get shots and even then my iron was not to where it should have been, but was higher than nothing so it was something.
I hope Phil is in a better mood today when I see him. Yesterday he was super angry. Yell yell yell. Just layed into me within 5 mins of coming here and continued to do so for about an hour. Then on and off for the next few hours. I hate when he asks me a question that only has one answer, or asks me a question that I don't want to answer because it makes me sound like garbage. *tears* He thinks so little of me, and he thinks so little of his looks and tries to convince me that his appearance is not good. Just rips me up inside so much. Everything lately is negative negative negative. I asked him if when he talks to Ashley, Rebecca and Tiffany if he yells about his looks to them or is negative with them like he is with me. Those are 3 "friends" he has been talking to alot lately, and he went to have coffee with Ashley apparently from what he says on the weekend.
Anyway I am gonna go for now...

Comments: (2)

gdc - January 23rd, 2007 Sattorie, hope I'm not weighing you down with a useless response but rather with a helpful or encouraging one... I understand you, though not the full because I am not you and your experiences are very unique. I believe you have this sixth sense because others have it too and when you possess such a thing it seems like you must fight to the end of the world to find someone who will believe you straight off, and most times after many demonstrations they never do anyway.... Meds WILL toy with that sense... I'm sorry to say. I'm sure you may have already requested but is there something different you could switch to? Perhaps asking the doctor for something not as strong but still effective? You have my sympathy regarding Phil. That can be painful when having a 6th sense. Do you ever find when someone gets mad or angry you can actually feel their intentions and emotions deeper than ordinary, not just their words? Sometimes that makes things so hard and shakes the nerves to their core. I hope you can see this disturbance soon rather than just feeling it. That it comes to you quickly for peace of mind and anxiety. Wishing you many blessings, sounds as though this is a time of need for them.

sattorie - January 23rd, 2007 Your post means alot to me a friend of mine posted this in another of my journals "Don't let someone like Phil tell you that you aren't psychic. He has no clue about things like this and has no place saying anything. Just because he is a non-believer doesn't mean he has any authority on the subject. All of the experiences I have had with you predicting or just knowing things about us have been completely accurate. My mother, who had never been really sick, the day she had her aneurysm, you knew she was sick. Then I don't see or talk to you for months and out of the blue you message me to see if we are ok, and while it was nothing serious, we were both really sick. You know things, don't let him doubt yourself." It's wierd cause Phil believes in aliens but is dead against psychics and astrology and anything else in that sort of realm, if I bring any of it up he yells at me and pretty much tells me I am crazy. I've been on many different meds the thing is I need the anticonvulsants to relax my mind and those I think are what's cause the visionary part of my psychic experiences. I have been knowing and seeing things since I could remember. I do feel emotions from people even without them speaking, my son seems to be an empath at well and he has a hard time dealing with it. My youngest seemed to see spirits but as she has gotten older her abilities are fading even though I have tried to encourage her abilities. She does seem to be able to feel genders of babies coming to be born though which is wierd. My aunt told me my great grandmother, my grandpa and her are also psychic but that I need to watch who I tell because alot of people are not accepting and can claim you as crazy. I think those people are the ones who are crazy!!

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