In the half light
Date: Feb 17th, 2007 9:26:22 pm - Subscribe
In the half light where we both stand,
In the half light you saw me as I am;
I am a railroad track abandoned
with the sunset forgetting I ever happened.
oh jeff buckley, you read my mind.
word of the wise: don't hook up with older boys.
Date: Oct 24th, 2006 4:50:51 pm - Subscribe
wow, so it's been a good six, seven months since i've written anything in here.
not really sure what to say... a lot has happened.
that boy i was talking about in the last entry... yeah we broke up lol. he was too clingy for me. but it was nice while it lasted.
then about a month after we broke up i started quasi-dating brendan, who has been a friend of mine for many many years.
that just recently ended. i dont know, it was just a bad relationship. he was definitely the worst boyfriend i have ever had. borderline abusive relationship right there.
so like i've said, a lot has happened. i've lost a few friends, gained a few more, and life has moved on. its my senior year in high school, and i'm really busy with college applications, my job, and school. i'm the assistant music director of the musical, the orchestra, and the accompanist for the chamber choir this year. all that shiz takes up the majority of my time.
but i'm just really excited for this year. everything is falling into place. i can't believe i won't be here this time next year; i'm really going to miss home and new england. but i also can't wait for my life to start. going into music business has been my dream for a very long time, and i'll do whatever it takes to achieve it.
so thats a summary of the last seven months : )
i'll be talking to y'all later!
Date: Feb 28th, 2006 6:23:57 pm - Subscribe
Mood: overflowing with love and happiness
well my friends, the past week has been quite the trip.
you will NEVER believe what has happened in such a short amount of time. i dont even know where to begin.
i guess at the beginning
winter break started on the 17th. mark left for florida that day after dropping by my house to pick up a few dvds and to say goodbye. ironic, because it really was goodbye.
the next day, saturday, i went over bob's to mend a few things with him and jamie and just hang out because we hadnt since he and jamie started dating. im very glad i went that night. i got to make things well with bob, hang out with a great group of people, including liam. (liam formerly known as the sex god has been mentioned numerous times in previous entries.) we all decided that it would be sweet to make a trip to NYC sometime during that week. i agreed because, well, its the city, and well....liam was going to be there.
that night i went to chaparone a middle school dance at the highschool. there i saw jamie, and reconciled with her that night when i invaded/slept over her house.
monday i left for vermont. which was a lot of fun. got to hang out with my brother, eat fancy food three times a day for four days, and have the best snowboard runs ive ever had down smugglers notch.
liam and i had been talking online a lot at this point, considering he was still in cahoots with sarah, and i was a direct link to sarah. (however the colleen pursuasion skills owned and got him to realize that sarah did not deserve him) he would me while i was in vermont to tell me the details about the trip to the city (because we were going the day after i returned from vermont) and we would end up talking for hours.
returned on thursday.
went to new york on friday with liam, jamie, bob, seth, renee, kyle, and his brother i dont know his name. on the train, liam sat next to me for the two hour ride : ) we talked a lot.
i like the way he looks at me.
mind you, this entire time, i was still with mark.
nyc consisted of central park, grand central, trump tower, china town, virgin megastore, and just a whole lot of chilling out. it was great because we were all just so ecstatic to be in the city without any parents. it was amazing.
the entire time i just wanted to be with liam. there was such physical and emotional tension between us that day. it was unbearable. not to mention he was sending me CRAZY mixed signals. drove me fucking crazy.
the next day we both skipped sarah's birthday party and went to johns surprise party. im glad, because we wouldnt have been able to talk at sarahs because she would have been suspicious.
again, mixed signals. although we did escape from the crowd for an hour or two, just the two of us. i listened to him play guitar (which OMG HES SO GOOD) and i played piano.
then we caught eachother eyes and gosh, i just couldnt stop looking at him.
we talked online after that night and this is how the conversation went
liam: i'm glad we sort of just fell into communication
me: hah, me too
me: you're very easy to relate with
liam: you as well
liam: but you're more than just an ear
liam: but you're more than just an ear
me: what am i?
laim: brilliant, enticing, and strong-willed
me: why, thank you
me: i dont know about that
liam: no thanks needed
liam: well then, you'll just have to trust me
man, hes good.
i mean he is good.
that night we talked, and i asked him why he said i was enticing. he said "under the circumstances, it wouldnt be right to elaborate..." i understood.
i said "hold on, i gotta take care of something."
i picked up my cell phone, called mark, and told him it was over.
went back to liam, and he said "as thrilled as i am on one hand, i feel like i just kicked him in the face."
he told me that enticing basically summed everything up. i was enticing because i was strong-willed in my faith for God, because of my mind, and because i was beautiful.
::cries tears of freaking joy::
told you he was good.
there is such a connection between us. i cant describe it, and even if i tried it wouldnt make any sense to you.
this is good. this is right. this is what ive been waiting for for three years. it is seriously a dream come true. hes everything thing i dreamed he would be, and so much more.
life is so perfect.
not to mention everyone is friends. i talked to mark, and everything is cool with him (which im very glad about, i always liked him as a friend). jamie and i are best friends again, and even chloe and i are friends. i cant believe this.
i hope karma spreads so that youre as happy as i am right now.
the sex god has returned
Date: Feb 19th, 2006 11:11:29 pm - Subscribe
la la la la la.
winter break has arrived.
started off with a bang.
woke up, went to the gym, saw old classmates (which was kinda awkward), worked my ass off literally. went to bob's witnesses bizarre triad formations, wore my earplugs, hiked the mountain, couldn't breathe thanks to the -12987498273 degree weather, reveled in the view, eat pizza, played the paper game with gay squids and deer woks, watched middle schoolers go wild for fall out boy and spice girls, invaded jamies house, talked about things we should have talked about three months ago, woke up jamie via jumping on her, ate, played mario kart, and voila. here i am.
tomorrow is vermont. i get to hang out with my lovely brother, which i always enjoy, and eat at my favorite restaurant on church street, which just so happens to be my favorite shopping place. not to mention snowboarding on madonna mountain in smuggler's notch.
i actually dont want to go. which is new for me because i always considered vermont a safe haven.
but why go to your safe haven
when you're happy with where you stand?
hopefully new york by the end of the week. that would be the cherry on top of a soon-to-be fantastic week.
im glad things are back to normal.
you cant get rid of me.
oh yeah, mark is in florida.
and im totally going to break up with him asap because
1. im just not feeling it
2. i dont want to go to prom with him
3. he's really not my type
4. the sex god has returned (aka liam. read past entries if neccessary.)
it could be so perfect.
ps. its midnight and i havent packed for vermont yet.
pps. im leaving at 8 in the morning tomorrow.
Date: Jan 28th, 2006 10:25:34 pm - Subscribe
i miss him.
i miss him terribly. ive never felt so pathetic in my life.
just reviewing the events of the past two months, i finally can see how it all happened. how could i have missed all the signs? they were right in front of me. of course i should have known that my best friend was betraying me right before my eyes.
it was too much to take. it all happened so fast. next thing i knew i had lost my best friend of 7 years, and him. i took so much time telling him that the timing was not right, that he just moved on by the time i was ready.
and now hes gone.
and hes with her.
and she cares about him. she really does.
and i dont know if he feels the same way about her. i dont know anything anymore.
and i have mark. and hes great. he really is.
i just dont feel it.
i cant make myself feel for mark what i felt for him
and i just know that im going to break down tonight and call him and sound pathetic.
i knew that i didnt feel the same way for mark that i did for him when he said "do you like mark?" and i said "none of your business."
i couldnt lie.
im tired of lying. especially to myself.
i dont know what to do anymore.
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