she_says's Blog

no one can ever really have it all
Date: Dec 2nd, 2005 10:32:11 pm - Subscribe
Mood: burdened


i feel so....


i cant even pick a god damn word to describe this feeling.


this is most definitely the first time ive cried over a guy in about 2 years.

honestly.


he told me. he said "why cant you just let us be together? we're running out of time"

i was right. hes a senior and he'll be going off to college soon. i thought it over, and i realized that i really cared about. and on a totally different level from anything the terms "like" and "love" include. it was much deeper.

so i told him. i told him i was all in.


and you know what he did?


he took it all back. he said he didnt know what to do anymore. not to mention he also likes my god damn BEST FRIEND. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE LIKES HIM, TOO.


now do you see why i dont like my friends? because all they do is hurt me. all the time.
i fucking hate my friends.

i should have known. i should have seen this coming.

i cannot believe i set myself up for this one.


i just thought, maybe for once in my life i might have it all. i might have someone who genuinely liked me. i might not be involved with middleschool drama shit, for the first time in my life.


it was just right there. right there in front of me.

he told me to grab it, so i did.

and he fucking took it away.



i dont even know what to do with myself.



Comments: (3)

chillout92 - December 03rd, 2005 i hardly know what to do with myself at the moment either...

lost_souls - December 03rd, 2005 You realized you really cared about him, and he fucked it up. Now, I get it - that you love him - and it may sound a little cliche, but maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I'm sure there's someone out there in the world who will treat you better and not take it back after saying something like that. There will be someone else who will genuinely love you. Don't give up.

deathcab4u - December 03rd, 2005 Hey, it's going to be okay. To learn to love we have to learn to hurt. Is it fair...no. Take away from this only the lesson that you deserve more from a man. Or someone that is a man to begin with. Don't take the pain with you, that will only cause you to be bitter. Let the wound heal, take some time to grow(because we are always growing, and relationships can stop our growth if they aren't the way they should be), and learn to love again. Until then, enjoy life and the love that you have for the other things you care about.

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