what a great year.
Date: Jan 18th, 2006 12:54:46 pm - Subscribe
Mood: careless
2005
So glad to say goodbye
January
Starting the year without a boyfriend, barely surviving the beast titled ‘midterms’, Church Street and Sweetwaters with my mom, becoming a serial tipper, Jamie and I owning Mixville with our stellar sledding skills, painting my room, and more importantly discovering that my brother’s room is way better than mine, sarah’s bizarre 16th birthday, seeing Irene, falling asleep in sam’s driveway after discovering we didn’t have the stamina to hardcore sled anymore, skipping school with shmama to go snowboarding, finding out that I’ve been replaced.
February
Lauren’s surprise birthday party, planning on watching the superbowl with Jamie, but ending up watching the mary-kate and ashley movie marathon, matt nathanson with Lauren, my brother crashing into a tree, and myself, on the Vermont mountain slopes, learning how to toeside turn, “being” mark’s valentine.
March
The beginning of sewing, wanting to go the berklee for the dumbest reason ever, being asked to prom, my chamber orchestra performance at yale, starting javelin and discus in track, being sent the wrong prom dress, hating march.
April
No idea what happened in april. Sorry folks.
May
May? Is may a month? That’s news to me.
June
the sweet end of school, the sweet beginning of band camp.
July
The bitter end of band camp, getting four teeth pulled.
August
My stupid pointless birthday, and the pointless beginning of the worst school year of my life.
September
Tennis, Goshen fair, Christmas on labor day, green day concert
October
Not going out on Halloween for the first time in 16 years.
November
Homecoming, thanksgiving.
December
Losing a best friend, losing another best friend, gaining insight, the worst Christmas of my entire LIFE, and not being alone at midnight for the first time in 16 years.
A good end to a bad year. A good beginning to a potentially great year.
goodbye 2005, you sucked.
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100 acre woods
Date: Dec 13th, 2005 1:42:12 am - Subscribe
Mood: childish
i would just like to announce that
I, Colleen Taylor, have the worst cramps in the world.
im sure you all needed to hear that. really.
im going to try to talk for thirty minutes straight. ive always wanted to write for that period of time, but i dont write nearly as fast as i think. im a very fast thinker. in fact, my lightspeed typing cant even keep up with myself.
see, i already forgot what i was thinking about.
moving on, its monday. but it doesnt feel like monday. but then again, when does it feel like its monday? and what does monday feel like. you can't just bottle it up and store it away. its an in-the-moment sort of thing.
i was sick all weekend, including my snow day on friday. just another sign that life doesnt want to be nice to me. but im sure if i was out and about doing whatever hanging out with mindless individuals, i would have enjoyed myself less than i did this weekend, which was a pretty small amount of fun, might i add. (its only been 2 minutes of typing by the way.)
the 36 hours that i had i took exploring the great indoors (john mayer reference, for the record.), were spent indirectly learning about myself, i suppose. i always love that. i love figuring myself out. it doesnt happen often, but when it does, its like EU- freaking-REKA. ive become so skilled at figuring other people out, that i never stop to think about myself. anyways, my thoughts get carried away easily. back to my weekend:
Winnie the Pooh.
that's right, Winnie the Pooh. what do you think when you hear Winnie the Pooh? yeah, i know, your're saying "uh, bear?" wrong. winnie the pooh has synoptically titled itself as my childhood. innocence. simplicity. the way life should be. i watched the very first episodes of Winnie the Pooh that i have so dearingly saved on those old VHS tapes stored away in a plastic bag in my basement. i originally went down there to see if i could find my tape of the Grinch, and no, not that overrated jim carrey version. the original cartoon version. the good version. thats when i stumbled upon those VHS tapes with the labels falling off. in the spirit of christmas, i couldnt help but wonder if one of those contained my most loved Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too, aka the best christmas movie ever. i found the tape! i did!!! 5 seconds into winnie the pooh painting a christmas tree on his wall, i found out that my dad taped over it with Spinal Tap. for God's sake, who tapes over winnie the pooh with a documentary on how great spinal tap is. really. hearing those 5 second of winnie the pooh's voice, i became curious and had to pop in another tape of pooh. it was the very first episode. the one where he runs out of hunny, and goes up into the tree, trying to get some more. it was fantastic. the next episode was A Day for Eeyore. when i was a kid, that was my absolute favorite one. i loved eeyore. that episode though, theres something about it. maybe its the image of them all sitting down at a table outside with cake and decorations and festive hats that's whistful to me. or maybe its the narrator and the way pooh hops from page to page.
i guess i never realized it before. i couldnt wait to grow up. i really couldnt. i kept thinking "oh just one more year and i'll be like them." - them of course being the many older, much cooler children in the world. if i had known then what i do now, i would want to be a kid forever.
but isnt that what we all want at heart? after all, adults are just children who know too much.
we all know too much.
we could never be children again because we know too much. we could pretend, but we know what lies outside of our blanket-made forts and swingsets. children dont. ignorance truely is bliss.
as for me, i'll always live in the 100 acre woods. right inbetween piglet's house and eeyore's gloomy place, so i can visit him and ponder the way life was when i was old.
its been a half an hour.
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winter in my veins
Date: Dec 8th, 2005 1:21:52 am - Subscribe
Mood: giddy
i would just like to inform all of you that colleen is out of her depression stage. (colleen being me.)
i have realized that el bob-o (the dumbass from last entry, and the one before that) is not worth my time.
no need to digress.
christmas is coming, and we've already had a considerable amount of snow here in perfect new england.
speaking of, i would just like to say that i will always live in new england because it is the most perfect place in the world. you get the best of four season. its fantastic.
MAN I LOVE LIFE RIGHT NOW.
im really starting to love my new friends better than my old.
my old friends just dont get me anymore, i guess. or rather they just dont want to.
anyways, my good friend lauren and i have a goal to reach- get boyfriends before new years.
ill be damned if i have to spend another new years alone. without a boyfriend. without kissing at midnight.
damned
christmasssssss
winterrrrrr
winter always has, and always will be my favorite season- no matter how crazy people think i am.
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who's to blame
Date: Dec 4th, 2005 3:51:54 am - Subscribe
Mood: isolated
life is taking serious turn for the worst.
i dont know what to blame it on; i guess winter. im always depressed during winter.
but its never been this bad, i dont get it. i guess ive got sleep depression. all i do is sleep. in the middle of the day, i just feel like crap, so the only thing to do to make it temporarily go away is to sleep.
but then theres the fact that i'm depressed in my dreams, too.
it just never ends.
i never get a break.
i know it's very unlike me to say, but i feel so far from God.
then again, when have i ever felt close to him. never i guess.
i dont know.
things are just not going the way they are supposed to lately.
he didnt even call me.
i thought he would. i thought he would call me and tell me that he was wrong.
or something.
cant even count on him anymore.
i think ill go sleep.
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no one can ever really have it all
Date: Dec 2nd, 2005 10:32:11 pm - Subscribe
Mood: burdened
i feel so....
i cant even pick a god damn word to describe this feeling.
this is most definitely the first time ive cried over a guy in about 2 years.
honestly.
he told me. he said "why cant you just let us be together? we're running out of time"
i was right. hes a senior and he'll be going off to college soon. i thought it over, and i realized that i really cared about. and on a totally different level from anything the terms "like" and "love" include. it was much deeper.
so i told him. i told him i was all in.
and you know what he did?
he took it all back. he said he didnt know what to do anymore. not to mention he also likes my god damn BEST FRIEND. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE LIKES HIM, TOO.
now do you see why i dont like my friends? because all they do is hurt me. all the time.
i fucking hate my friends.
i should have known. i should have seen this coming.
i cannot believe i set myself up for this one.
i just thought, maybe for once in my life i might have it all. i might have someone who genuinely liked me. i might not be involved with middleschool drama shit, for the first time in my life.
it was just right there. right there in front of me.
he told me to grab it, so i did.
and he fucking took it away.
i dont even know what to do with myself.
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