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martinne91
Before I go to work... - Subscribe
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Lemme post a bit. Just felt like doing it. Maybe because I remember him. I really miss him, you know? I deleted his two numbers anyway, so even if I want to send him a message I can't anymore. That's the best thing I can do. I believed in whatever shit he told me, but it's true that actions speak louder than words. And based from the things he do when I'm with him, he isn't serious. It would be nice if he'd prove later that my assumptions weren't true. Didn't he tell me before that he doesn't give up easily? Actions speak louder than words. Now what is he doing? During the last time we've met, I really wanted to tell him something badly, but I realized that he's not worth telling it, is he? I could have been f***in' in love, but if I really am, I should stop this feeling from growing. He's not around anymore, what is this feeling for? I had given my trust to the wrong person again. Sometimes I hope my assumption was wrong, but this is reality. He is NOT serious. How I want him badly to prove himself. But maybe he won't do it anymore. I think he had given up. Sometimes I wish I ignored him in IRC. Lol. Later. |
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martinne91
Just got out. Jan 15th, 2010 10:28:35 pm - Subscribe
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I haven't blogged since my first day of work. It's good to be back here typing again. Now I know how it feels to live outside my emotions. It was great sometimes. You don't get hurt. So does that mean I should stop loving or looking for someone to love? There will be time for that. I should stop bothering about that as if I'm a middle-aged woman. So... Back to what I'm digging into right now. Work! I've been busy even if it had been my first day. At first I was a bit lax on doing things--I mean, not being lazy or something, but of course everybody goes into adjustment stage where you're still trying to get the hang out of things. But later i'm learning fast. Hope I can learn other things that my co-workers do too. Including sales (I really suck in that field!) And... Answering the telephone? Lol. At first I really don't want to answer the phone. I'm just pretending to be busy to avoid answering the phone (Lol!) but later I'm getting the hang of it. And anyway, I love the Saturdays. Even if it means I should be there the whole day while my officemates go early (since I'm still on the probationary period). It feels peaceful there during that day. However they don't exactly go after lunch, they still spend more time to finish their pending work. It's not too noisy there too when it's a weekend. Not much phone calls, not much people. And mistakes. Lol. A while ago I answered a phone call. A man was asking about the price of a certain product. I didn't have the updated price list so he made me feel like I was wasting his time. So there. That's all for the first week of my work =p I'll blog later maybe. =p |
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martinne91
I finally made it--yay! Jan 6th, 2010 9:31:10 am - Subscribe
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I got a freakin' job. And the one I freakin' want! Lol. I almost lost it. My grandmother asked me to look for a different job somewhere nearer than this. You don't know how pissed I am when she told me that. I lost interest in what she wants me to do. Well the funny part is, when I saw this other job's advertisement (which my aunt found), I can almost laugh my ass out because the freakin' height requirement was there, auntie said she forgot to read that one. You know, whenever I read ads about jobs that I could probably want, everytime there's a height requirement, I wanna both get pissed but laugh because it was like they're telling me in my face how short I am. I don't mind being short--I got used to being called cute (Lol I'm lying--as if anybody would call me cute!) but sometimes I laugh at these jobs. Why look for somebody tall or just with the height to do your job? Can't a short person do it? Because there are people who aren't blessed with tallness but filled with intelligence. Well, can't do anything about the picky management. Lol And... Speaking of picky, I don't know who to pick. The guy who loves you of the guy whom you love? Stupid question. I already know the answer, I just don't wanna accept it. How come the latter happens? It hurts when that shit happens. And it seems like I'm experiencing that now. I like this guy but I can't get the same response. I don't even know if he's that interested.. While there's this guy who laid it all out for me--his feelings, his motives, his freakin' promises--everything. When I'm with him I feel like I've got a slave--wow! Not bad. That's exactly what I'm looking for. Sweeeet! What about the other guy? Man, he already failed on the text line. I mean, I don't know if this one's serious or not. Well, I'm not sure about the other guy either. What the hell? If they both won't be any good, then who cares? Next! x-D Later ^_^ |
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martinne91
What a lonely start for the year. Jan 4th, 2010 7:15:46 am - Subscribe
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I've been talking on the phone these past few days, which is great. Because lately it's been lonely for me. I don't think somebody cares. I want to get busy. I want to forget these people who doesn't give a damn about how I feel. This week will be a hectic one for me. I'll have my grades processed, I'll attend a panel interview, and if I get hired I'll be busy working the days away. I can see myself ignoring everyone and hiding the growing pains. That's better than thinking deeply and dwelling about these odd feelings. I don't want to think about it, but I can't help it because I'm not doing anything for now. Gosh. I get to know different people and then I find out that there's still nobody out there for me. And the person I want the most? To hell do I know? I just want a person who would need me. Somebody with no other intentions than to love. I can trust with ease that way. Once I find him I'll ignore everybody else. Do I sound desperate? I feel like I do already, because I think I'm losing hope in finding somebody who will be serious. Sometimes it even makes me wonder why I keep looking for that person. I'm not even running out of time. Whatever. Hope it will pass soon. And I hope I don't need somebody like I do now. |
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martinne91
First entry for this year Dec 31st, 2009 8:54:00 am - Subscribe
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First off, Happy new year. I didn't spend it as noisy as normal people did though. I slept for about two hours then woke up when everybody's firing away their stuff outside. My family doesn't use firecrackers or anything since my grandpa's the only one who used them every New Year. Besides, I don't feel like celebrating. It's good to have an empty new start, but that's it. I have no special reason to celebrate. Just another ordinary day, except it was so noisy and everybody's fussing over something which isn't special to me anymore. Oh well, that's me. Nobody messes with me and what I'm doing. I felt messed up today, though. Is there no kind guy out there anymore who doesn't drink or smoke??? I did have a boyfriend (or fling) who doesn't do both, but there's something I hate about him: he's bossy. Damn, I should be the one doing that! See my point? You'll see one or two (hell, or more) big flaws with guys. Oh God. What the hell have I done to deserve these dumdums? So why am I upset about guys who drink and/or smoke (aside from them bein' bossy)? Because I absolutely distrust them. Guys who get drunk, well, when they're out of their minds they might accidentally say something to their friends (which they shouldn't). Don't blame me for hating--it actually happened to me! Don't ask how. I won't waste my time remembering embarrassing things. So how about guys who smoke? They love it more than the one they're wooing with. Some guy happened to court me, and he's a smoker. I asked him not to smoke in front of me and try to quit, and he gave up courting. See??? I found a guy who doesn't do both, but I don't want another boss aside from my potential employer, do I? Jeez, screw it. I'm gonna give up on these people T_T I don't feel like blogging more stuff today. I'll let this pass. |
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martinne91
Sentiments of loving, letting go and moving on Dec 29th, 2009 4:43:10 pm - Subscribe
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December 30. I still remember it so well. The day I accepted him--the best boyfriend I ever had. Well he's the best, as of now, since I haven't found somebody better than him. I don't know if I ever will. It's been a year already... It's such a shame that we're not together anymore. I missed the sincerity, care and love he had shown and given to me. I missed everything. I had moved on. I just miss him. I admit I still love the guy.. The first person I trusted. If you truly love a person that won't be easily forgotten. But I can manage keeping it, even if it would mean caring for him from a distance--even if it would hurt a little to know that the other person won't be able to do the same to you. But it doesn't hurt too much anymore. If I'd cry, I might just be longing for him, but that doesn't mean I still need him. To love is different from being in love. You can't resist the latter. You'll want it more. You can leave and ignore everything. And you can't live without the person you're in love with. Well it's not understandable for heartless people. I may look like one but I'm not. I feel things. I get hurt. I love like other people out there who fall in love. So I'm not in love with him anymore. I still love and care for him but it's now okay even if he already has somebody else. Loving is also letting go. The hurt of being in love had subsided now. We're done with each other for four months or more. I'm ready to be in love with somebody else. But I still had the nerve to ring his phone, and then my old missing number. My ex-boyfriend (or maybe there's a different owner already) just dropped a question mark in his message. I didn't take time answering and letting him know it was me. He shouldn't be bothered anymore. I'm just checking if his number is still active. This will be the last time I'd do that. My old number is active too. It got lost when my wallet was stolen some time ago, probably October. A 21-year-old woman answered my call. She said she was from Payatas. I can't blame her--she probably doesn't know that the sim card was lost with my wallet. But again, I was just checking. When I lost that sim card, I felt that it must be a sign that I should forget everything, and everyone who knows that number. My ex, the last fling I had (since I wasted the chance when I saw him), and the other guys I met (using that number) who didn't care--all of them, I should forget. There's no use trying to contact them again--even remembering them. I had loved, I had let go, and I had moved on. I'll forget more of the other useless things as time passes. I'll guarantee that next year I'm better off without them. |
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martinne91
Pure nonsense. Take it or leave it. Dec 29th, 2009 1:48:52 am - Subscribe
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I'm not in the mood to babble a lot. But I am, to say that I got hooked. It's more acceptable for me to say it that way. It's either I was denying it to myself or I'm acting like a coward again. If you can't get my point, it's okay. I can't get it myself either. What a pain. And I'd rather blog it the way that you might not have a clue about every word I say. I really want to try. But what guarantee do I have? Really don't know what to do. I'm not sure if that thing feels the same way. (Replace the "thing" with whatever you wanted, we all know I'm talking nonsense if I literally mean it.) Until I'm not sure, I want to pretend that I don't feel anything. Might as well pretend that I'm not spending time thinking. I might be crazy if I don't admit that the feeling is potentially sweet (bittersweet LOL) but I really am not sure if I can handle the sting it might be hiding. Get it? If you do, it's either you're the cleverest of the dumbest to decipher my nonsense, or you know me too well. If you don't, just ignore it. I'm still having a fever, so I might be just out of my mind. LOL |
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martinne91
Disappointments. Dec 28th, 2009 7:36:57 am - Subscribe
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Darn computer, I can't use mIRC. Now I ended up looking for other chat clients I can use. I remember Trillian--that's the first chat client I used. That was the best--I can log in to my Yahoo! accounts and at the same time connect to IRC. It also supports AOL, ICQ & MSN. I think I have an installer in my backup CDs, but I'd rather look around the net for a download. I'm viewing the page right now and I think it has supported more than what I mentioned above. The bad news is that I'm having a bad feeling that the software's got lotsa space to eat up. Another disappointment--myself. Damn! First, I still have a cold, and now I'm starting to have a fever. What the hell is going on? I might wanna dissect my body and examine my anatomy--which isn't possible anymore when I DID cut myself. LOL Second, I'm starting to have feelings which I'm not sure about. It's the feeling of being dependent with somebody. I'm not quite sure if I should look for someone. Maybe I'm fal--no. Nevermind. I don't want to get to that thought. I don't have the right. LOL I'm scared of being emotionally dependent. I'm afraid they'll leave soon when they finally got you. Take my relationship with my ex-bf as an example. I still remember the night he rejected me when I'm trying to go back to him. Well that was my fault. I was too late. I never realized that he was still waiting few weeks after the breakup and that he finally moved on later. So now I'm scared to make the same mistake--coz that one was my mistake too, I was so frustrated that I made a wrong decision. Yes, I'm still regressing, but I've got no other choice, do I? I'm fal--no--starting to look for somebody, and I'm afraid the feeling might be worse (or maybe better?) this time. I mean, if I get hurt again, it may be a lot of times worse than that. I'd sure love to keep this feeling, but at the same time it scared me. What a dilemma. I wonder why I can't decide (properly ) again. What sort of thing have this person got for me? Leaving and ignoring is an option... And I'm so damn mad at myself because I don't want to. Waaaaaaah! D-x What the hell is going on with me? Hope it's just the fever. I'll be back later. |
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martinne91
I can't think... Dec 27th, 2009 8:14:10 am - Subscribe
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Because my stomach aches. I mean, not necessarily ache, but it feels like I got lots of acid down there. I also feel like throwing up. I don't know, maybe because I slept without dinner? I always ate stuff before I sleep, which caused me to sleep at later hours, say, like 11pm. I slept at around 10pm and I didn't have any dinner. So maybe that's what caused it. I also slept while waiting for someone's message to drop in my mobile phone. But it seems like I was forgotten already. Lol. What else would I expect? I don't know if this s/he's busy, but I tried to delete the number. Just to keep myself away from compulsion. I know don't have the right to complain (I know, that's why I did that stuff). So.. Any other people out there who wants to make me a bit gullible (again)? This is insane. I'm getting my guard up again for now. That's all for that stuff. I might be thinking too much that I suddenly wondered if I lost weight that much. My granny used to keep the old shirts I used outdoors. I used them way back when I was in high school, so probably I'm 12-15 years old during those times. The last time I tried them on, they didn't fit anymore. And then when I tried it again a while ago, it did. What?? O_o So does that mean I'm fat during my late high school days? And that I've lost weight now? I used to think a lot. My mind's like a clock ticking endlessly, trying to make decisions and sometimes remembering some things I shouldn't have. I guarantee you'll lose weight that way. Slow but effective. Lol. I'm kinda serious with that. =p Anyway I'm looking for another blog host. I can't customize my blog. Sure, it allows you to tweak the HTML, CSS, everything. But there's a code I can't understand, so when I tried to use one of my layouts here, it messed up. I wonder if I can get a host like that with a good name. Other domain names suck. Lol Anyway I'm not in a good mood even if I managed to blog (no draft this time). Gotta grab something to eat before I sleep again.. Later. |
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martinne91
Crazy Stuff 101 Dec 26th, 2009 7:17:01 am - Subscribe
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My cold is getting worse. I'm blowing my nose off every other time I feel it's clogged but the efforts are just useless. I hope it would go away soon. (I'm not the type to get sick often, so I guess I'll be relieved soon.) I remember my grandmother joking around about colds. You might remember this ole Filipino joke (maybe not, I'm not sure) about how the mucous or phlegm would look like condensed milk. So for people who doesn't know that stuff (coz I dunno if there are some in other countries), condensed milk is some sweet sticky stuff Filipinos love to use--from various kinds of desserts to just plain bread spread (yeah, we do that here). So I was in the room with my granny and aunt (what a girls-dorm-scenario we have, lol), eating coconut shreds with condensed milk. Coconut shreds usually come with fruit cocktail and can be made as a salad, but for people like me who can't wait (or maybe that's just me), we eat it even without the fruits. As for me, that's okay--way better. One time I felt my nose was so clogged that I stopped eating and blew my nose hard to expel mucous, when suddenly my granny suggested substituting my nose-goo for condensed milk because I consume too much of it (I'm always the only one using it because the others can't use it.. Why? Coz when they check the can it's already empty. Lol) Something you might wanna know about me anyway: my sweet tooth always drive me crazy. Sometimes I experiment with some food by adding sweet stuff like condensed milk, sugar, or powdered milk (honey won't count. I don't mix it with other foods). My aunt even told me that when I was a toddler (I think I remember things when I was 4, but this one is earlier, I think), I started coating some fried unripe bananas ("saba" in Filipino) with powdered milk. I wasn't quite a trend-setter here, but when I did that maybe I became one at the moment (even if I was just a toddler? Lol) because my aunt and younger sister did whenever grandma fried some unripe bananas. Maybe I'd like to be a pastry chef too ^_^ I know, I know, I do a lot of crazy stuff. Lol. And I think it's a little crazy to take lots of drugs (hey, I'm not an addict, okay? Just a little, but that's for other stuff). I understand doctors would recommend taking two or more kinds of drugs at the same time, but it seems like taking only two kinds are too much for me to take lately. Since I have a cold I'm taking phenylephrine-paracetamol (I'd prefer the generic term. It was Neozep). But few weeks ago I started my first pack of oral contraceptive pills (better play safe than play miserable) which I take once a day. I don't know if it's the effect of the pills or because I'm taking more meds than I can but I start to feel dizzy even if I just woke up. But that happened twice or thrice before even if I'm not taking the meds yet. Maybe I was just feeling weak because I'm more of a couch potato (and probably the only exercise I do is to make out--I'm serious! LOL). Can anybody tell me what "couch turkey" meant? Is it the same as that one? Thanks Speaking of more crazy stuff... Remember Mau from the past entries? Well she had grown lately. Not bigger anyway, she just kinda stretched. She barely had a tail before--yes, when we found her she had no tail--but now it had been growing for some time. We always kept her in a cage so when we let her out she's always running around like crazy that me and my younger sister found it hard sometimes to catch her. I haven't mentioned that another one of my aunts brought home a cute puppy this past November. My cousins (her sons) started to call the puppy "Babes"--the pup is female--because she was kinda fat that her body looked like the famous "Babe" from the movies. You know, the fat body, the big (perky) ears and slightly curled tail. The crazy stuff I did? I put them together and let them play. Lol x-D I did try to get the cat close to Babes' face before, but since that was the first time, my little adorable (and SPOILED) furball put her paws on the pup's face and... Scratch. Lol. Fail? What'd you expect? Not the harsh scratch mad cats do, though. So Babes didn't cry or let out a whelp or anything. She just got scared--at first. So a while ago I tried to pick them both and I hurried to a closed vacant spot in the house where I freed them. Suddenly Mau started running after Babes, then they're putting paws on each other's faces but there seems to be no mad scratch (or slap. Just kidding) intended. Too bad I'm not too good at filming--I could have had some shots of that just for them. It was a pleasant sight. I'm quite surprised with the puppy because most of our old ugly dogs are normal--they hate cats. I remember we had an old brown dog who loves to kill kittens. He looked gorgeous for me, despite the small size. He looked like a smaller Belgian Malinois because of the dark nose, brush-like tail and the way his reddish-brown and black color blend together in the tail. I only wished he would be bigger. x-D I think I'd like to train this good puppy to get used with the spoiled furball. Lol. That's all that had happened yesterday. I only posted it today because I'm surfing free off-peak hours in the internet. Yeah, I'm still on prepaid. It's still okay for me, although I got used to the uber-fast connection of DSL outdoors (in most internet cafes). See there? Nothing eases my stress but cats and sweets. ^_^ |
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martinne91
Update out of boredom Dec 25th, 2009 7:02:23 am - Subscribe
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I felt like updating again. Maybe because I've got nothing to do. Actually I'm just surfing the internet for available jobs posted around. That's what I've been doing aside from chatting. Or maybe because I felt sick. Just a cold anyway. But that's not much like me--getting a cold at this time of the year? When everybody's supposed to be happy and healthy and-- Oh well, I think everybody felt the way they should about Christmas except me. Have I? Ever? They could have liked the noise (and probably the smell) of firecrackers and other stuff, but not me. I think there will be no good in doing such thing. Fingers get blown off, and then when you try to go out, you'll smell smoke like everybody smoked a whole cigar pack at the same time, with the noise already dissipated afterwards. You'll see carbon monoxide filling the air as if there's no more space for gases like smoke to disappear. What was that, widespread, not-so-deadly version of fumigation? Lol. Actually I didn't feel like talking about the stupid firecrackers. That's just something to babble about because I got bored. Of course I'm not looking forward to that for this coming 2010, but to the other things to be busy about. Sometimes I wish I'd still have a year or two before I think about those things. It's sad that I've got only 2 years to spend in college--in a school which isn't really my choice, a course which, for me, turned out to be a wrong decision later, and, in relation to the school, the type of education which is distance learning. No offense for people who likes distance learning, but if I really want to learn I won't go for it. If I'd have a kid someday I won't let him/her feel the same way like I did. [Off topic] Of course, if you'd have a child you don't want him/her to do the same mistake, but don't push what you want him/her to be (which you probably didn't became). I'm telling you this: no other things can replace freedom. If s/he did regret later, let him/her do something to straighten it out. If you see the determination for that then don't try to discourage. You'll miss something good to see in your life if you do. So... Back to 2010's future busy world. I'd be looking or getting to work, I'm gonna vote (I'm registered already) and... How about lovelife? Argh. Sorry--I was running out of thoughts. (First hypocrisy attempt) Honestly I can't help getting to that. I'm just thinking about what to say. (Still not true LOL) Okay, I give up! I AM thinking about it! (Honest to... Sigmund Freud. LOL) I'm still young, but I can't help thinking. That's just the age anyway. If you're doing things earlier... Yes, you're at an advantage because you learn ahead, but you'll feel like you've lost the usual way your biological clock ticks. You might feel older. I feel like it's now easy to make decisions about other matters such as career, but to think about who to be with isn't that easy. True, I'm looking for somebody I can trust, but, I hope, for the last time. I want to play safe--because I'm tired of getting hurt. One more mistake and I'll never listen to this stupid heart again. You know what I mean. (be a gold digger probably--I'm just kidding.) Or probably I'd go for a lesbian. (What??? O_o) Haha, I was saying stuff as if I can stand it. I'm still normal and I can't do that. Can I still expect anything good to come? I feel the fear now. I mean, I'm scared with the big spiders prowling around the bathroom (Lol)--that's not my point--but you'd be scared to realize that you continuously make mistakes in relationships; you'd be fearful to think that you're the one who's got problems, not them. Try to think about it--if you've always been a failure with that, what future will be waiting for you? It's just that I want to get things right as soon as possible. I've had a lot of regrets about things (and even people) I had let go before. It brought hurt, and I don't want any more of it. I don't wanna carry a burden about heartaches for the rest of my (wasted?) life. That was it anyway. If somebody finds my previous entry and this one contradicting about men, well let me tell you that I still hope to believe there's somebody who would make a difference. But I'm not taking back everything I said. =p |
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martinne91
Random Ramblings Dec 24th, 2009 9:44:26 am - Subscribe
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Really don't know what title to put there. Lol. I tried to make an entry last night but the entry won't show up. Aeonity had put up a captcha code now... And I didn't notice it. Lol. How dumb of me. I didn't spend Christmas the way people usually do. I ate earlier and tried to go to sleep earlier because I've forgotten my case of hyperacidity. I felt spasms after i ate 3/4 out of a piece of leche flan.. Gosh, I can eat more than that before. Really getting old. *Lol* Okay, I forgot typing already. It's been almost an hour since I typed the first few words above. Haha. I've been busy with chatting, so... Good thing I wrote what I wanna write in a draft first. First off, I'm glad that I got the chance to pass the initial screening and get interviewed for a job. I passed there too, so I should come back on January for a panel interview. I admit I'm still thinking about it, trying to spin answers in my head for the upcoming interview. Anything I can say about it? Nothing much except that I found my first interviewer weird. He looked astonished or shocked or amazed (i dont know!) when I gave answers. He was maybe biased about adolescents; maybe he thinks most of the people in my age are either irresponsible, immature--all play. Do you think I should be taken differently? Well, if he thinks I'm that dumb I can't blame him. I always thought I'm that dumb too; that I've always been stupid. Or maybe I really looked stupid enough that I fooled his eyes. *Lol* Of course I wanna get hired and be a part of their company, but I'd still be happy even if I didn't get hired. Why? Because I experienced the thrill of it. After that I can be ready for more intense, stress-bound interviews. I could take advantage of starting out early (like in my age) to be able to learn more. I'd say, though, that I'm disappointed with myself. I thought I could get a job before this damned Christmas and fire away. That would be probably just a miracle. I don't believe in miracles anyway. Haha. And in relation to miracles, it could be one if I find a perfect guy! Forgive me, these are just the side-effects of experiencing being loveless for about four months. Lol. What about the other guys I encountered during that 4 months? All of them flunked. Screw it. Either they'll leave you hanging and call your affair a long-distance relationship (which I don't want anymore), I find something bad about him, or I can't give my trust. The third one always happens, the first one the second to it. I started talking to different kinds of men when I started chatting in IRC, when I was 12. And through the course of time I found this out to be true: Men are all the same--either selfish or some wasted son of a bitch. If you're desperate to find somebody serious or just any guy for the sake of having a relationship, and if you've got ideas about what, who, or how your potential Adam (or Adonis maybe. lol) would be, nobody will match your criteria of perfection. True, nobody's perfect, but most guys just don't fit. Either you don't like them or you do but with somethin' bad. Your "man of your dreams" will end up "only in your dreams". Damn fairy tales. Lol. Do I sound terrible now? Like a man-hater? I'd say guys should be the one we call bitches =p Anyway... I've done this entry for almost more than an hour. That's because I've been chatting at the same time. Haha. I'll be back later =p |
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martinne91
The sem will be... Dec 10th, 2009 7:31:47 pm - Subscribe
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Over. It's gonna be long boring days ahead~ I'll have some good memories from that school =p Next step... I'm gonna look for work. Hope I would x-D That's all for now =p |
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martinne91
It's overrrr! D-X Dec 6th, 2009 9:59:23 pm - Subscribe
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My community service is finally over. Am I supposed to be happy? Well, it feels kinda sad too. I'll miss that gay trainer of mine in the front desk. He made the days fun for me there. Heheh~ And I'll miss the guys there too! I swear! x-D The certificate can be processed tomorrow immediately.. Although I'm not sure what time I can go back there so that the paper can be fixed... ... Like I don't wanna go back and get the paper! *LoL* This is freakin' crazy (again). *slaps forehead* Anyway, last Sunday I met up with a guy... I'd say he's cute with all that fats. Here we go again--my weird fetish acts up again! Oh. Didn't I mention that I like fat guys? Especially if they're bald? *sheepish grin* Whatever. As long as they would look like the number 8. *ROFL!* I kinda like the guy, you know? Well I'm not sure anyway if he does too. Maybe not, eh? Great. *rolls eyes* What the hell, if a guy doesn't like me, then why give a damn? Next! x-D Kidding. I'd like to be serious as possible, it's just that...Why waste efforts on somebody who's not interested with your efforts right? I've been meeting a lot of them lately, and nobody looks interested enough. ...They only want flings! I sure wouldn't like that anymore right? Anyway some guy in YouTube captured my interest recently. His videos are so funny. Check it out!~ That's all for now. Gotta roll out of the internet cafe and I'm running out of time. You know I can't be outdoors after dark, right? Later~ ^_^ |
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I'm creating a new blog entry to keep up my regestration. I think it's about 3 months before i'm removed, but I figure I should stay ontop of it while i'm feeling up to it
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silentsoul
powerless Dec 1st, 2009 11:37:23 am - Subscribe
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full of fear im not safe here cant even control a single tear im powerless final confess help me let me be free i want out too many to doubt i hurt myself to see if i still feel i focus on the pain i wonder if its real like the rain outside my window crying to my pillow every day cause your too far away and no one else it there as if i care.. |
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healthyone
Manage Pain Dec 1st, 2009 9:07:43 am - Subscribe
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Disease is important component of women’s health. Why? First of all, women often suffer from the disease victims. For example, people experiencing pain, but there are many women never in the hands of intensity and duration. Even women who generally can not menstruating women's experience is different for each though painful, many women menstrual cramps menstrual cramps or pain cases, children with Monday Monday Pain, menstrual cramps, as a general discussion of pain relief to deal with diseases, such as aspirin, ibuprofen, rescue drugs, drug brands such as Midol menstrual pain, in the lead a lot of women. This is a popular way to twitch. Some manipulation of the physical structure of the body under the conditions of suffering that can be resolved. Type of pain, spine care and is an example. Although the spine treatment, doctor's actual physical manipulation of the patient's body returned to the skeletal alignment of the bones of the right power. It is difficult, especially in a location, outside the agency will adjust the patient may still be. A variety of sizes and (poor) compensation for the answer to try to beat him on the meat chiropractors, and keep adjusting it. Physical condition, and then transfer one or more meetings or more, you can encourage patients to be brought back to good health. Female full-body massage and manipulate the physical form of improvements or efforts to improve the health status of the patient commitment. In many different ways, such as acupressure, deep massage and nerve - muscle massage. Deep massage, for example, in the human body deep tissue and surrounding connective tissue elements of connection and efforts to bring more informal relationship. To their powerful health benefits of massage, appear to be from the medical massage massage, deep and deep massage and Rolfing work in the general interests of the difference is valid. If the disease, more effective support for women to continue to enter a question. When this happens, drugs or other medical professionals. The type of drug is very effective and very numb, pain receptors useful. Serious, life is painful and destructive conditions may include the patient's statements in order to maintain a good living can be. This is the form in the medical curriculum, the problem is that many people used drugs, such drugs. It has two aspects. First of all, patients can reduce the drug problem. Pain treatment is a common problem - they call cured through. This means that the patient's pain medicine even received the same amount, or education, when he first began to experience the beginning medication. For example, if you have time to get rid of him is just a ball, two balls later, the same level, he can be assured. Secondly, now the patient, who had gone through the senior management of a country trying to addiction. This is the best treatment together, or at least the conditions of multi-drug therapy, then in the search, which is effective poverty. For example, if so, to determine the best treatment of leg cramps remedy at the bottom of the treatment process chosen to remain in her foot cramps. |
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silentsoul
did i mention... Nov 30th, 2009 5:03:38 pm - Subscribe
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id die for you. only cause i couldnt live without you which is sad. always thinking of me how selfish but thats a lie. cause i don't.. i think of you.. your smile... your laugh.. it hypnotizes my thoughts. push the time away relieve the tension did i ever mention... i love you. . |
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silentsoul
hurt me Nov 30th, 2009 4:55:19 pm - Subscribe
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pounding in the back of my mind.. beating constantly it never stops.. never sleeps... i cry to relieve the pain. but it makes it worse so ill bleed.. to re-leave the hurt but only sometimes does it show sympathy. <*> |
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martinne91
I'm so freakin' STUPID! Nov 30th, 2009 4:37:44 pm - Subscribe
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How can that slip through my fingers? T_T A while ago I saw HIM! He's crossing the highway... I can ask the jeepney to stop or anything so that I can go down and call out to him.. But what did I do? Man, I was so frozen in my seat, I can't do anything but stare. And after the stupidity I've done I'm crying because I WASTED the chance? Damn. This is sooooo STUPID. Or maybe some things scared me when I saw him. It's because I'm not sure what his reaction will be when he'd see me. And for some other reason, I don't wanna betray somebody whom I think I can trust since he himself was the one offering a serious relationship. I don't wanna be unfair with that person. ...But I don't wanna be unfair with myself either, do I? I got tired when I first tried to search for him, but when I saw him a while ago I suddenly had a little bit of hope that I would get to be with him again. Gosh, this is terrible, I'm being stupid again. This is freakin' crazy! I'll blog more later, I gotta have my community service at 1pm. |