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end-of am not - Subscribe
too much is
the lack,

and I curl
my body, a fist

around my
clenched heart.

look down,
walk straight

display armour,
inside whisper

you are loved,
you are loved —


but I’m not.

I am not,

and the lack
is too much.
0 Comments
Mood: spiky.

end-of curve. Mar 14th, 2018 4:10:41 pm - Subscribe
I’m not about
straight lines,
never was.

flawless
is not my kind
of beautiful.

I dwell in the
curves, in
the corners;

I’m alive in
the gradient
of light,

the elliptical orbit,
travel of shadow,
circuit of seasons.

I’m not about
the angle,
never will be.

what is
is what is
beautiful to me.

seek and find
along gentle hills,
in uneven riverbeds:

moss-soft wind,
houndstooth leaf,
full, round flesh.

I never was
about becoming
smaller.
0 Comments
Mood: warm.

end-of in the shadow of the moon Aug 21st, 2017 10:54:51 pm - Subscribe
the god in you
gently brushed closed
the sun’s eyelid.

the god in me
spent her daytime hours
pulling us back

from underneath
the deep shadow
of the moon.

the god in the earth
held her breath,
only hoping —

at times, faith
is all we have
to fall upon.

the gods in us
in half-light stood,
a pinhole crescent;

and the god in me
bathes, relieved
in the evening glow.

the sky again
unencumbered.
the sun is free.
0 Comments
Mood: contemplative.

end-of ten years. Jul 16th, 2016 6:12:50 pm - Subscribe
I was the same soul
when this began

the words in my veins
never change;
but more arrive
every day

ten years slipped
past like a wave

there was always
a home for me
in poetry and in
this imaginary place

this decade is
the one I am built on

ten years from now
I will still be
this soul, this
human, this sister

I will still be a dreamer
you'll know me

recognize me
by my words
and my seasons
if we ever passed

I will know you by
your constant light

my love songs are
for the ocean and
for you, if you
still remember

meet you ten years
down the road.
5 Comments
Mood: joyful.
inspiration: I've been writing here for a decade. thanks for existing <3

end-of after. Feb 20th, 2016 4:24:28 am - Subscribe
after.

it's always
after
that the full
impact hits.

it's later,
in the quiet.

it's not
when I am
in it
that I feel it:

it's after,
on my own.

in memory,
I want all
the wanting
that I

could not
allow

with you
right there
in reach.

I never
reach
for you.

instead,
after
you go,

when I
am alone,

I tremble
and spin
in currents

too strong;

I ache,

but only

after.
0 Comments
Mood: aching.

end-of February Feb 8th, 2016 6:27:01 pm - Subscribe
it's better
than words,
and I am

lost in it,
spellbound
I'm dreaming

memory plays
while I wander
in its haze

and follow the
shades of you,
echoes of us

blind to the
night roads
the grey sky

what I see is
your smile and
your dark eyes

laughing with
the past, I
let time slip

turn a corner
step into the
february flurry

swirling cascade
of a million
blushing petals

from tree limbs
austere and bare
one week ago

the air is alive
with these threads
of tenderness

beginning
rains down
onto me and

I can't help it:
shut my eyes
and hope hard

this is better
than words and
I'm lost in it.
0 Comments
Mood: brave

end-of other stars. Jan 31st, 2016 6:57:17 am - Subscribe
ten years ago

one clear
mountain night
we watched
orion rise

in the firelight
I fell and fell
in love
the first time

ten years later

worlds apart
I ran beneath
the night sky
in all your stars

and all along
you were
over my
shoulder

I thought
it was to
cast my path
into darkness

to show me
my own
shadows
ten years later

orion holds
in the east
all along you lit
the way for me

as if I
could go
back to
the mountain

the firelight
to that night
could touch
our young faces

could say
yes. yes
love is real
love is worthy

it is all,
it moves
the sun
the other stars

ten years later
orion holds
worlds apart
we collide
2 Comments
Mood: nostalgic.

end-of reflection Dec 21st, 2015 1:22:49 am - Subscribe
I was made
for the empty
bloodless hours

I was a temple
to memory
a reflection

I was born for
thin shadows
winter moonlight

I understood
solitude at the
intrinsic level

I was meant
to hold hands
with ghosts

I was less
a person, more
a hypothesis

I was the one
holding on
to the past
0 Comments
Mood: watchful.

end-of chapter one. Dec 6th, 2015 12:54:16 pm - Subscribe
where I am
is at last at
the beginning.

when the vernal wind
sweeps spring along
fresh and lively into
early summer.

I am twenty-five.

again the calendar
ticks over;
it always has,
as far as I know.

regardless.

I remain at this point
in my own june.

I'm twenty-five,

and I like to feel
the cold air on my skin
and I like to be
alone

and sometimes I
love deeply enough
to split my shell open

to let the light in.

and everything
before this was the
prologue.

finally it begins.
all is set in motion.

I'm twenty-five and

now I will make things
happen,

and finally
I go
wherever I go from here.
0 Comments
Mood: thoughtful.

end-of cold. Sep 24th, 2015 10:06:44 pm - Subscribe
you pretend
the raindrops
are bullets
take cover

you're anxious
silvery wind
may slip in
to touch you

you tell me
the waves are
too cold now
for swimming

I am outside
rain drenching
thin clothing
I can't hear

I am under the
green glass ocean
cold-blooded
as a fish

and maybe it's
because I was
made for these
northern forests

or maybe I'm
burning inside
and the water
evaporates

or maybe I
am something
not entirely
human or

maybe I am
already frozen
and so
merely numb
0 Comments
Mood: away.

end-of August Aug 10th, 2015 2:57:09 am - Subscribe
you cannot know
what someone else
may find beautiful.

perhaps even
those things you
keep in shadows

perhaps more so
the parts you
rarely let show

perhaps best
to bravely shed
your armour

to let the wind
wash through you

to touch things
with your real skin

and be hurt
by what's worth
hoping for.
0 Comments
Mood: always hopeful.

end-of July Jul 19th, 2015 12:12:23 pm - Subscribe
it's not you.
not your lean, tan arms,
your smoky smile.

it's not the height of you,
your strong shoulders,
the way you move.

it isn't you, it's me:
my summer skin,
my endless energy;

the way I feel -
sun-drunk, at ease -
the way, with you, I'm me.

it's not you,
it's purely circumstance
the way, with you, I'm free.

when you appear,
I swoon and fall
in love with all July,

but it's not you
I'm falling for -
it's what you do to me.

it's not you, it's me
this time and place
this brief, sweet season

what I become, at last -
what I now have,
I've always wanted.

the diving-forward momentum,
the stomach flip,
the soaring heart

are symptoms of
the exhilaration
of being next to you,

of being me right now,
of wanting nothing else,
of fitting into myself.

it's not you,
it's me who will
remember this all my life.
0 Comments
Mood: manic.

end-of gesture. Feb 15th, 2015 3:46:18 pm - Subscribe
if you picked up
a pebble
dusty and smooth
on your way home
because you were
thinking of me
and pressed it
into my palm
I would count it among
my most valued.
if you saw me smile
at a little flower growing
unwanted somewhere
and plucked it for me
it would bloom
in my mind's eye
all my life.
but we sit together
in candlelit silence
and romantic splendor
and you do not
take my offered hand
across the table
and I ask for too much
again
I ask for
too much.
0 Comments
Mood: anxious.

end-of orion. Sep 2nd, 2014 8:14:56 pm - Subscribe
rain descends:
a soft, emphatic
curtain
ending summer.

topmost leaves
already faded
green to gold
in the heat.

and such relief.

as orion rises
in the east
and storms
revive the
winter green,

I, for once,
don't ache
for spring -

the autumn
brings
new life
to me.

I face
what comes:

I'm still
free.
0 Comments
Mood: alive.

end-of I was free. Jun 27th, 2014 7:04:35 pm - Subscribe
once.
I folded up
myself like
a paper airplane
and
launched me
into the blue

and flew.

then.
upon arrival I
breathed in
the ocean air
and unfurled;
grew roots
deep into
that earth

and stayed.

I was
free.

I am
home.

I want
both.
0 Comments
Mood: existential.

end-of lost. Apr 27th, 2014 1:25:12 pm - Subscribe
I break the peace:

if I had my
malevolent way
this city
would empty out

people, their dogs
and their cars
would evaporate

and leave me
with the landscape

because my skin
is too much too
small for me

and my feet have
devoured the space
of this island
running from one shore
to the opposite

now I'll never be
blissfully lost
and I'll never be
lonely again

and I've never felt
so shackled by
anything I've loved
this much

but I made this bed
and I'll hide under it.
have a drink, and
I'll shrink to my
reduced self

like I'll never
be lonely again;
like I've never felt
lost in my life.
0 Comments
Mood: bitter.

end-of becoming. Apr 13th, 2014 2:59:00 pm - Subscribe
an enchanted sleep
on the sharp edge
of summer, in
a blooming field -

you fall under
its spell and
then are lost to
wander in sunlight.

in dappled shade
of sweet-scented green,
I breathe in
the spring breeze;

sing to me until
I don't remember
bitter winter's
grey memory.

all I need is the
change in season
to drown in light,
and will not struggle.

after this moment,
the wanting stops:
you become what you are
and cannot be shifted.
0 Comments
Mood: holding my breath.

end-of begin. Feb 28th, 2014 10:47:51 am - Subscribe
leaving
is a thing that
I've learned.

I can't shake
the sadness
of endings,

the finality
of goodbye,
the knowing

wherever
I go now,
I will not

ever stand
at this window
again.

but sadness
is a thing that
I've grown around

and learned
the only way
is onward.

I've come
to love
the road itself -

even when it
leads from where
I've been happy -

and follow now
without the
weight of sorrow

to beginnings
and new days
and new homes.
0 Comments
Mood: in sunlight.

end-of the match Feb 14th, 2014 2:05:20 pm - Subscribe
we don't
speak about
love

in detail.

as if
words and
closeness

obscure
one another.

but in case
my eyes
and my hands

haven't
told you,

in words
today I
will say

what is true:

that you are
every light
in my sky

and also that

you are
every comfort
that I need

and, without
hesitation,

that you are
the match
to my soul

and I
love you so.
0 Comments
Mood: enjoying life.

end-of deeper currents. Jan 8th, 2014 5:32:45 pm - Subscribe
when did I
become
the island?

belonging
to tall trees,
wing-grey sky

withered
without rain
and salt air

senses strain
for the sound
of wave wash

when did you
become my
ocean?

without your
ebb and tidal
overlapping

I am flung
dry, stranded
longing seaward

until you
rush back in
to claim me

I am
an island
lost in you

and I am
adrift
without you.
0 Comments
Mood: dreaming.