My Friends: lycen, oblongbox, femmeemo, runawaykid
My Blogs Next Page


femmeemo Where else do you even put it? - Subscribe
It's been well over a year I think since I've put anything on here. I hurt today. I've hurt for months and selfishly feel like I can't put it anywhere. So I'll dig in the backyard, dig up that box with the dust covered key and unlock this old place. This place that is always here; and untouched. Just my own worn out shoe prints leading to and from this pages to guide me.

My brother was arrested yesterday.

My baby brother. He was arrested twice before this; but this time is different. This time I don't get to see him anymore. This time he'll serve time. Probably a long time.

I hurt.
I carry misplaced guilt. Selfishly.
But.

There. I've put it somewhere. So maybe it won't feel so heavy.
0 Comments
Mood: -
I Hear: nothing

femmeemo The living UFO Dec 4th, 2014 4:53:24 pm - Subscribe

I knew that this day would come- the day when I was harboring a fugitive inside my virgin walls. My life has been absolutely upside down the past month. Turns out creating life is a difficult undertaking- it's eerie to think that there is brain activity going on inside me that is not mine, nor do I have any control over the secondary heart beating in my belly.

I got to see it on Monday- sure enough it had a flickering pen line of a heart. Little nubs that will one day be arms, and in seven months... I guess I will be a mother. I feel more like a mothership than a mother. The parasite inside of me makes me hungry, nauseous. Makes me angry, sad, and say things I totally mean. Makes me feel more anxiety, less anxiety than I ever though possible. It has been such a roller coaster, and besides the curiously alcohol-free nature of my life the past month and some... I don't look much different.

I notice the paunch getting more defined, even despite the pounds I've lost. My chest is heavier and more sensitive than ever. I have the biggest bags under my eyes I've ever seen.

I've confided my secret in few- my grandmother makes me the happiest. She is full of hope and love, and strange words of wisdom. The rest of the family finding out makes me both anxious and that we will be judged- and at the same time I will feel so good after Saturday when everyone will know.

So far the baby is healthy. We are in our own place, and we are surviving. He is excited. I mostly worry, and feel nauseous.

About money.

About being a decent parent.

About managing working while I feel like total garbage.

About maintaining our budget.

About if our alien will sprout up normal.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Sprawling
I Hear: Madeline Peyroux

femmeemo Vomitus Explicous Nov 7th, 2014 1:02:01 pm - Subscribe

Life has put me through the ringer lately and I feel so overwhelmingly alone that it's difficult to put this anyplace.

"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars."

Thanks Emerson.

Everything swirled over me so quickly, and I refused to process any of my feelings from about September on- and now I have a soul crushing amount of things that are no longer content to sit in the darkness, and have taken it upon themselves to all start screaming their white hot insults at me at once. I would normally have several confidants, but in this I am alone. I have Spencer, and now he is angry with me- for what I see as a menial slip, and that I know he takes as a grave offense.

I am tired of taking everyone's feelings into account. Why can't I have my moment to stand here, and cry and yell. It isn't fair, or maybe it is. I am not ready, or maybe I am. I can't handle the failings of my family.
Of his family.

I can't deal with our living arrangements, and all I want is a bathtub to drown myself in.

I see myself failing at work, I see myself failing at home, and I carry this alone, and yet- I forgot to mention I had applied for a day off and it is cause enough to belittle my commitment to my relationship.

I am exhausted.

I am constantly ill. But no. Smile, and be the rock for everyone. Listen to your father talk about your ungrateful brother. Listen to your mother guilt you about having some level of independence. Listen to your mother in law demonize everything you do.

Listen to yourself tell yourself that you're not good enough- that you're a colossal fuck up. Listen to that same voice tell you that you wanted to play in the big leagues and be an adult- and then you only want to cower behind your mother's skirt folds of safety, even though your own mother is more fucked up than you.

I do not feel okay. I am tired of carrying. Tired of being the emotional pack mule for everyone.

I can't do this. I am afraid.
I am afraid and nauseous.
-


1 Comments
Mood: complicated
I Hear: the radio.

femmeemo Sadie, see she's crazy. May 22nd, 2014 6:27:36 pm - Subscribe

Home again, home again.
Jiggity jig.

I don't actually know if I mentioned the fact that I'm getting married. I honestly don't know- and I really don't think I did. Well. Let me be the first to tell you, dear internet: I am getting married.

It was supposed to be October 4th, 2014. We pushed it back. Or, rather- are pushing it back. This was actually not at all what I intended on blogging about. But- I suppose since I haven't actually told anyone yet save for my mother, and my grandmother- I suppose there is something cathartic about sharing a secret. I hope by the time we tell his discouragingly nosy family that I will be so numb to the emotions around having to push it a year that it won't be a painful topic.

The joys of having a family that talks big, but is ultimately inherently selfish.

But I digress. All I want is to be caught up. I am exhausted but can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am off the PEI in a week and a half- and it should be great. After that I have a trip to Winnipeg and then I am done travelling for a while. In the meantime- I need to seriously ask myself if I want to give up this amazing opportunity and step down to YTP. On the one hand- it would afford me more one to one experience with youth, a la case management style. But. On the other hand- I am closer to thirty now than I have ever been, I am not going to want to be front line staff forever... perhaps having more experience as an administrator isn't a bad thing.

Torn. Then whole reason I wanted to go to YTP is so I could be home for the wedding, and now that it is no longer a huge issue- maybe I wait. Maybe I stay put.

I'm going to get my new tattoo this summer. I am going to do it.

As the kids say.
YOLO.

1 Comments
Mood: Ulcery.
I Hear: Good Mourning.

femmeemo Sometimes we pause Mar 12th, 2014 6:17:05 pm - Subscribe

It's been awhile since I've written here, but in a few weeks I kick off my first round of travels for work. Saskatoon, Banff, Miami, Toronto, New York, Toronto, Winnipeg, PEI and Toronto. A week here, a few days there... it adds up quick and before I know it will be July.

I was thrown today by an unexpected message from a friend whom I haven't heard from in years. I think deathcab4u might've actually been the first online person that I spoke to on a regular basis. It was nice to hear that he is doing well.

It made me think of Dustin too. And Marlene. I wonder how their lives turned out.

I let myself get wrapped up in my own head the last few months- stress and an anxiety disorder lends to self alienation and hiding. Though not to the extent that I would have clung to five years ago. Two years ago. I take that as growth.

Though that being said- I still listen to half the same music I did in high school, even though graduation is closer to ten years ago then it is to five. I am ready to travel. I am ready for silly adventures, and vacation too. I look forward to marrying two very good friends of mine in New York in the park in early May (online ordained Jedi master of awesome?) and I look forward to long walks with my dog.

I feel better this week. I do. I needed a change, and it was given to me. Now to hold onto it like the gift it should be, and not the curse it feels like.

-

1 Comments
Mood: Thin.
I Hear: Brand New- Sowing Season

femmeemo Musings From an Airport Dweller Aug 19th, 2013 2:35:10 pm - Subscribe

My writing changes. Here, there is mystery. There is a level of the unknown- perhaps that is the muse that my life is missing. Things have gotten far less aggravating in my life since I stopped telling half truths and shrouding life in some sort of invisible cloak of perceived excitement.

But I miss it. I miss the quiet hope, and buried double meanings- and perhaps that is why I came here for this.

I have so many things to look forward to: and this weekend confirmed it. I met a most incredible boy this weekend- his grandmother originally from Trinidad. He asked if he could read my palm, and I- not without some hesitation: consented.

He quietly explained that his grandmother had read palms for a living, and her grandmother before her- that before she passed on, she had taught her eldest grandson how to glean the future from the hard etched hands of the masses.

I will have a family. In my youth I will struggle with finances. I will live a long life. I will die in the south- and eventually my past will catch up to me.

It made me think of what possibly could come back from my past to hang over my head like a dark stormy halo. My terrible financial habits? Likely. My inability to have a healthy dynamic with my own family? Obviously. But beyond that... I don't know.

The prospect of having children. Or even the expensive mess that will be next fall...

It's exciting. It's terrifying. Life is unexpected and depressing, and motivating and magical and awful. It is a rickety wooden roller coaster. It is a crowded airport waiting area with a screaming child in the row next to you.

I want to be the one that smiles at the red faced ball of snot and see him slowly stop crying. I want to sit in the second row on the roller coaster and get wet as he splash into the water below.

As I stare at my right palm, and look at the bumps and lines and scars- I want to know that even if it is a load of crap- I made the best of whatever life handed me.

Even if it means another five hours sitting in an airport. Watching people moving on their ways home.

-

3 Comments
Mood: Placid
I Hear: Boarding calls, and screaming children.

femmeemo Conversations as a Therapist Aug 6th, 2013 6:22:49 pm - Subscribe

Sometimes people just need to say everything that is on their chest. Sometimes that is all they need.

Intimacy is a strange thing.

-

0 Comments
Mood: amazed

femmeemo Tetonic Plates Jun 25th, 2012 1:34:57 pm - Subscribe

I had a dream that the world was shifting under my feet; that everything was shaking, screams lighting up across the sky.

I dreamt that I stood in the hollow of a valley as it transformed heaving, into a mountain- with only a mind shattering screech echoing in my head to prove it had ever been anything but the newly minted peak.

There was death in my dream. Not just mine; but the deaths of many. Mothers, fathers. Lovers, spinsters, and the damned. We all died the same way. It amazed me, dream me- that death was the same equilizer as birth had been. We all were born the same way- setting and timing aside. We all die.

It wasn't a scary dream. It was hardly even a nightmare.
It was cold.

Cold, when I woke.

It was cold with the realization that one day I would move my valley to the top of a mountain. And from there I could see everything ending.

I woke knowing that one day, I will have all of my answers.
-

3 Comments
Mood: Free'd
I Hear: Popcorn Burning.

femmeemo Drunk and I am seeing Stars Jan 13th, 2012 5:50:51 pm - Subscribe

Everything is up in the air. I am so swamped with my current job- and yet not doing my job. My part time job getting needlessly stressful.

I am waiting to hear if I got the Big Brother's Big Sister's position. I want it. I don't want to leave. I need change, and fear it. FUCK. I AM A COWARD.

Such a coward.
-



0 Comments
Mood: BURNING, eyes burning.
I Hear: Lana Del Rey- Videogames

femmeemo And we will call it this land. Oct 28th, 2011 2:04:12 pm - Subscribe

'Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.'

I am tired.

Tired of people doing nothing but talking about change. Beaurocracy has been here since the dawn of organized society. Our schools are a disgrace. Our kids are killing themselves faster than the obesity can.

Why would we change what ain't broke?
It is broken.

Society isn't benefitting anyone.
Except it allows us to stay fat and lazy.

I work. I work. I work. I volunteer.
I work.

'Mine is an evil laugh.'
-

1 Comments
Mood: Despondent
I Hear: Adam WarRock

femmeemo Sexy Magician Blues Oct 12th, 2011 6:27:12 pm - Subscribe

So. Halloween, huh?



I have a top hat, and I have tails.
Fishnets, and a corset that makes my tits capable of making Sir Isaac Newton weep.
I hope I do Zatanna justice.

The only sadness in dressing like the enchantress, and mistress of magic herself is- people will only know I am dressed as a
'sexy magician'

Injustice.

And yet- I suppose... in my mid-twenties- I shouldn't be so enraptured by comic books, and the beautiful references they lend.
I'm nearly done reading A Song of Fire and Ice.
I'm killing time.
Procrastinating on my application for a fringe show.

Life creeps forward.
-

0 Comments
Mood: exhausted.
I Hear: Nikki Yanofsky

femmeemo A game of wits. Oct 3rd, 2011 1:27:25 pm - Subscribe

My life is becoming full.
I am so close to having to empty my life inbox it is nearly deafening.

I have so many things on the go.
Busy, busy, stagnant.
Rinse, lather, repeat.

My stress levels skyrocket so high- I just... I find I have more coping mechanisms than I know what to deal with. I am an orstrich with my head in the sand, and I am a bear with its' mouth covered in blood.

I play a dangerous game with myself. I live for my downtime. Work is meaningless and mostly an enabler for my laziness.

I want to crotchet, read my bloodlust novels, write my feeling down on paper, drink my tea, watch senseless amounts of shit on television. I am happy at home- happy but I swear my family can smell it and like sharks in the water...

-are after me.

Their stresses, and strains suffocate me. They fuel my indifference and blatent apathy.

Save me?
Throw me a big fucking neon lifering and drag me back to a world where I am capable of empathy.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Stoic
I Hear: Stomach Grumbles

femmeemo I hate. Aug 10th, 2011 6:40:29 pm - Subscribe

Many thing.
I don't often like to hate, but today seems to be the crankybitchysick day.
So I will allow myself today to rant.

Locked doors when you're sitting in the living room. Your two volumes; angry and yelling. Your inability to use common logic.

I refuse to talk about it anymore.
The more I talk about your dumb,loud, cunt ass. The more I seeth.

Worst lifechoice ever.
-

2 Comments
Mood: Sick
I Hear: Bitch Yelling

femmeemo My daughter. Jun 22nd, 2011 5:54:46 pm - Subscribe

Thisbe.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Joyful
I Hear: Loudon Wainright

femmeemo And, they say- Life is sweet. Jun 16th, 2011 12:24:20 pm - Subscribe

Stomach churning.
By gaslight burning.
I need this day to end.
---


Ever feel like your significant other is cheating on you- for no real reason? Now, before you agree; and tell me that my feelings are likely correct. Allow me to explain.

I am not talking about the beautiful boy that shares my bed. I am not talking about he with his unexpected holds, and sweetness.

I talk about fiction. I feel like life is cheating on me.
With what?
My younger, more dazzling twin? My life has changed drastically. Again. I am living with Exspensive. Everything is good- well... most everything. Work is meh. Money is meh. And oddly enough, my only complaint (Besides people not paying me back monies) is that I miss her.

The time zones are enough to kill me. It's odd.
My co-dependence normally doesn't hold this long.
I miss her. I hate Korea. I hate Korea.
And car insurance.
---

The pallid spew of colour,
by the graying light grows duller,
I need this day to end.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Brutal.
I Hear: Love will tear us apart.

femmeemo Ravagely Angry May 25th, 2011 4:35:35 pm - Subscribe

FUCKSHITCUNTASSHOLE.


I have a truck. Its not my fault.
They are too cheap to pay for my parking so they force me to park in the smallest fucking place.

AND THEN THEY YELL BECAUSE I AM PARKED LIKE A DOUCHE.

I HAVE NO CHOICE.

I SHAKE WITH RAGE- SHAKING WITH RAGE.
GAH.

-Jeannie is in labour and I am the one panicking-
PANIC
YELLYELLSCREAMPOUTYELL

I am hungry and impatient and I WANT IT TO BE MY BIRTHDAY.
...
Which.
Is tomorrow.

As I age, I get crankier.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Cut a Bitch.
I Hear: Steam rising.

femmeemo I sat outside and watched the stars. May 11th, 2011 5:11:34 pm - Subscribe

Or the satelites.

I'm not picky.

I'm excited for my new job. It will be a change of pace if nothing else. I am bored at work again. No youth in what, weeks?

I've gotten in to a routine of being paid to watch an episode fo Doctor Who and spend copius amounts of time devoted to my writing.

It is growing. I am growing. I look forward to one day being able to say that everything has worked out well.

The boy is taking measures to be a good boy.
He even washed dishes last night, and made me dessert whilst I watched SVU.
I enjoy him, I wouldn't trade him in.

Mostly.
Mostly I want kettle corn, cold tea, and to learn how to do a convincing British accent.
Me with the unending wants.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Serene
I Hear: Sprout & the Bean Joanna Newsom

femmeemo To say goodbye. Apr 19th, 2011 4:04:57 pm - Subscribe

To lose someone in your life is exhausting.

Death isn't an easy aquaintance, it seems as soon as you get to know its' cold icy hands, it's always knocking on your door.

I am exhausted. I am depleted. i am hopeful.

I have a disgusting need to ink my body- and not the funds to do so. Perhaps in the fall.

My life is a flailing thing.
I am incredibly... indifferent.

The man in my life and I talked last night. I love him. I won't tell him just yet- but I do. We are trying this fun new thing called financial accountability.

Budgets.
Sounds like fun, huh kids?

I see the future. It is a bright, and overwhelming place.

Are you there God,
It's me Andrea.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Psychotic
I Hear: Said the Whale

femmeemo We lookin' for you. Feb 28th, 2011 5:17:34 pm - Subscribe

I am so frustrated. Car accident in which I was not at fault and now that stupid bitch is claiming I didn't stop. Lady. You have full coverage. It was icy. ICY. Why are you not taking responsibilty.

Its only me that gets fucked. Face down, ass up.

Turns out thats' the way the fucking world loves to see me.

I have no car- overwhelming debt. I am losing it. LOSING IT. Losing my motherfucking mind. This is the most expensive month of the year and everything is crashing down hard. FUCK. Please give me a chance to catch up. I really wouldn't be opposed to vasnishing.

POOF

Gone. I just need it to balance.
-

2 Comments
Mood: Depressed as Fuck.
I Hear: Intruder Song.

femmeemo My feet are cold. Feb 13th, 2011 5:15:10 pm - Subscribe

Both figuratively and literally.

I am a creature of habit- I like schedules, and routines. I like being places where I feel comfortable- and I like have a cemented support system. My awkward tendancies leave me feeling stressed; this move is going to kill me.

I feel alienated at work.

I feel insecure in myself.

I feel.

I feel less apathetic than ever- which is terrifying in and of itself. Feeling leads to feeling depressed. Right? Or is this how life is supposed to be? Why is this so much stress. Why can't I be one of those people that can just go with the flow- who just adapt with changes and embrace it.

Someone once told me that change is neither good, nor bad. Change simply is.

Somehow it made me feel better- but now the ambiguity...

...its too much.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Unmotivated.
I Hear: Postal Service.

femmeemo Waiting on hold. Jan 29th, 2011 3:13:49 pm - Subscribe

I am beyond irritated.
So fucking irritated.
I am tired of payments bouncing, and bills not getting paid. I am slowly breaking into a million peices because I owe so much damn money.

Telus, Bell, TD Insurance, Rent, VISA, VISA, Rogers, Shaw, EPCOR.

Paycheck comes, and its gone before it touches my bank account. I can't afford to eat. Let alone pay down my debt. Gas in my car? A luxury I cannot afford.

I am drowning. I am drowning.
And it seems like every step forward I take, another brick fucking wall gets thrown in my face.

Fuck me.
Fuck me.
Fuck me.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Depleted.
I Hear: Tears.

femmeemo Drama in fantasy. Jan 23rd, 2011 5:47:43 pm - Subscribe

I am caught up in a world in which completely consumes me.

It is fictional.

It is filled with drama and heartbreak.
Fear, and death.
Hurt, hope and hard-feelings.

My head is split seven ways. And it hurts.
It hurts so badly.

My butt is wet. My car is free. My head is FUCKED.
-


0 Comments
Mood: tired.
I Hear: whining.

femmeemo Bob-omb. Dec 21st, 2010 6:50:05 pm - Subscribe

I'm finally feeling good about Christmas.
I feel like I'll make it.

Everything will be okay- I will be able to survive the new year.
I forgot how much I miss the old staff at work- this week has been greatly needed. Filled with dildo zuchinni's, asian pyrogies, 'chocolate rain', watching movies, free food, and the general consensus that the new staff suck.

I love Charlie Brown's Christmas. I feel like I somehow wish for a CB Christmas everyyear and then get too wrapped up in the commercialism of it all.

This year I have no tree. I have no real solid Christmas.

I am divided to fifty different family functions with my factioned family.
I am torn and twisted.
I am pleased at the amount of free food I shall have.

I am irresponsible, and have too many options.
I am hiding from finishing my Christmas shopping.
I really need to sort me out.

Santa. This year- all I want is some self-clarity. Some clear self-reflection.
Please Santa...

-

0 Comments
Mood: Foolish
I Hear: Too many XxXmas songs

femmeemo I regret my username. Dec 14th, 2010 12:59:30 pm - Subscribe

Everytime I login in- and yet- when I think about deleting my account, making a new one and forgiving the wreck that I used to be- and still am...

I can't do it.

I am confused about what the next four months will hold. I am cold- and fuzzy.


Everything seems like it will pan out and then- I can't help but worry about the ramifications of my actions if I go through with things. It just seems so...

Easy? And yet like such a cop-out.
I fear change- and this is the biggest problem.

I am avoiding going home because it is so filthy I don't know where to start cleaning- and I can't sit there and just leave it and so... I stay out late and only come home to sleep. Or sleep on friends couches. Or the fiends' bed.
I want a Christmas tree.

I want shiny lights.
I want.
I want not to want anymore.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Needy
I Hear: The restroom door said 'Gentlemen'.

femmeemo I know how you'll die... Dec 6th, 2010 5:13:46 pm - Subscribe

It doesn't feel like Christmas. I really want a tree. I miss lights and a clean house and soft shitty jazzy Christmas music. I miss having proper snow.

I am just so...

Not in the Christmas spirit. I am happy though. I feel like everything is slowly falling apart. Falling apart and into a jumbled heap of sense.

I think I know what I'm gonna have to do.
I dream of a quiet one bedroom house, with a Christmas Tree and no cat to mulitate boxsprings, and toilet paper. No more kitty litter pieces on my bed...

I am tired. I am fighting. I am.
A poinsetta.
Beautiful to look at- toxic to eat.
-

1 Comments
Mood: Icy.
I Hear: Patrick Watson.

femmeemo Words mean nothing. Nov 2nd, 2010 2:18:03 pm - Subscribe

Words mean nothing.

Especially when those words aren't even spoken.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Wretched.
I Hear: tick.tick.facial tick.

femmeemo VomitHACKHACKcrycry Oct 2nd, 2010 10:46:45 pm - Subscribe

What the fuck.


I am so angry. I am SO ANGRY. SO MOTHERFUCKING ANGRY.

Crying doesn't even make it feel better. I am so fucking tired of this. I wish people would stop fuckig talking. I'm tired of being happy for people who could give a flying fuck if I even exist. I'm tired of EXPLAINING my sorry ass to EVERYONE.

I am fine. I will BE fine. FINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINEFINISHEDFINE.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

Except you.

You owe me. A life, a story, a kiss, a fucking happily ever after. Sex and Candy. Thats' what my life has turned into.

Sweat and Sugar.

Calories and curled fists.

I am premenstral. That would explain the fucking tears, and the hatred. Noone can do anything right. I'm tired of the filthy apartment, and I want stability. I want two years ago.

Blissful ignorance.

I miss living a life uninterrupted.
-

0 Comments
Mood: Fuck.
I Hear: FUCKKK.

femmeemo I used to know the name of every person I'd kissed. Sep 23rd, 2010 3:58:21 pm - Subscribe

Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.

---------


I am exhausted. And I have seemingly given up the fight. The ability to fight for injustice. I just simply live. I wake up, go to work, eat, go home, eat, see the boy that is mildly indifferent, go to bed alone.

I live in the eye of the storm, living a life that is neither fantastic, nor horrific. I would like to say that I am happy, but I'm slowly becoming fed up. I'm tired of all these stupid expectations.

I want to go home at the end of a shitty day and partake in some bed shaking. I long to walk around stark naked. I desire to be admired, and to do the things I like without fear of judgement.

Reading my shitty comic books

Drinking my sugarfree hot cider

Watching silly depressing movies

Listening to my music

Playing silly RPG videogames

I want. I want. I WANT. WANTWANTWANWTAWATWNAWNANWANT.

I want sleep. I want new tires. I want sex. I want solitude and friendship and acceptance and hesitations and no more debt and bigger paychecks and Fantastia and Chicken Noodle Soup and love.

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the positive...
-


2 Comments
Mood: Starving
I Hear: Brand New.

femmeemo Beauty in the breakdown. Jul 28th, 2010 6:05:42 pm - Subscribe

It seems like I don't have anything world altering, or thrilling to share. I feel like my life should be snappier.

We live in a world of Current Facebook Updates, and Tweets and yet my life just plods along.

Unlike high school self, sort-of-grown-up-self is not thrilled by every wayward glance, nor is she half as hopeful for a perfect relationship, and no financial worries, and a beautiful home and a great job and the right clothes. She is more realistic than that.

She doesn't have a snappy update for twitter every hour on the hour. Her facebook profile doesn't make me happy, nor sad.

I am average. She is average. Average. Why is that word so devastating? So- unsettling? And yet, if average is just that... then by standard... what is extraordinary?

I am not special. Not really. My interests, my knowledge, is shared by hundreds. Likely more than that. My genetics are slightly unique, but I am just parts of others.

I am me. Which happens to be pretty average.
Perhaps a little more introverted than most.
But wholly uninteresting.
-

1 Comments
Mood: Beautiful.
I Hear: Remy Zero - Fair

femmeemo Flowers tied around my neck. Jul 15th, 2010 6:06:44 pm - Subscribe

Creates the look I dare acheive.
They make me smile, and swoon and check,
Still my beating heart.

They are blue ones,
Gray and orange,
Dance lightly in a wreath.

The knot, tied tight,
Clinches around my windpipe in a lazy sense,
Too tired to try and close the deal.

Too tired to dry and wilt,
Too tired to let me rest.
To sleep.

---

As of late I have been happy. In a romantic sense. By romantic, I mean romantiziced way. I live in a 'state of happiness'. Whatever the fuck that means these days. I guess I refer to the the preversion of self.

I have convinced myself that I am happy; therefore I am happy.

I ramble; therefore I am full of shit.

Chipped teacups. Floral print. Miniature buttons. Wide stripes. Bicycles. Birdcages and effortless tomes.

All things I surround myself mentally with. I am falling down the rabbit hole. Through the looking glass. I am slowly going mad, or coming sane.

These days, who can be certain which is which?
-

1 Comments
Mood: Bedazzled.
I Hear: Mother Mother - Hayloft