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ugh Feb 20th, 2007 5:52:20 pm - Subscribe
Mood | empty

I am so scared...I am so nervous....I am so worried....I am everything I dont want to be
WHY WAS I CURSED WITH THIS?
NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND ME
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS IT
NO ONE WANTS TO UNDERSTAND IT
NOT EVEN SOME OF MY FRIENDS
THEY JUST DONT GET THE PAIN I AM GOING THROUGH
Waking up but not wanting to wake up
Having to smile when it's just fake
Having to care for everyone around you but not be cared for
Screaming and no one hears you because you can barely open your mouth to talk
I can't even cry my eyes are sealed shut because I dont want to look at this world I dont want to look at me I dont want to see what I am afraid to see

I accept myself but I dont even understand why I am going through this
Late March I am getting my new wig from hair club for kids
its not the same one as last time its very different
its going to look much better less ratty
its glued to my head so it wont come off...i can shower with it, sleep with it, anything....even continue with my sports
i will feel more self confident
but i know i have a lot to face
i know people will ask me how i went from having hair so short to having it long again
or they will tell me its a wig
i think i know its a wig you stupid fucker you dont need to point it out to me
and then theyll say "oh" or ask me why and i wont want to explain and ill prolly lie or tell them its none of their fucking buisness
i know a lot of people know what i have but i dont want them to anymore
i lost so many friends
people were like
woah shes messed up she has a disease i cant hang with her shes all sad all the time prolly
well go fuck yourself BITCH
i dont want to have to explain all this
and i know people will go behind my back and laugh at me and make fun of me or something, it has before ALOT
and i dont want to deal with this again
i want my hair back long but i dont want to explain it
and i want to get better and i want to have this disease go away
but i dont think it ever will
i know it never will
its a disease that can never go away
and it scares me that i will always live with this, die alone, live alone, cry alone, and no one will care
i just wish some angel would come down and save me
because i dont know if i can go through this myself
please....everyone who is reading this
i need as much support as i can get
i need someone to talk to
i need someone to lean on
and i need someone to care

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