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sleepactiv
Back from Dublin - Subscribe
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Its 2006 and after that stint in Dublin I guess Ive learnt alot. Ive learnt that thermal wear is a godsend. I can be less paranoid when I try. Italian men in strange mustaches make great conversation. Always make sure to book flights personally in case of terrible mistakes that would make you end up in strange places in England. And last but not least anniversaries do not have to be perfect or celebrated on time. In fact the imperfect ones are the best. I know.. gibberish gibberish.. Classes are boring me to death and scaring me to death at the same time. I have midterms about things I have never even heard of and I really have no idea how anyone can categorize me in the smart kid section in this lifetime ever again because I am hopeless at this and I dont think that Im suited to do law because this discipline actually needs you to be serious and I am never serious. Not if I can help it. I was talking about this to Logan and he said that its cool to change what I want to do in life because lots of people do it.. its just that I have to think of a serious alternative. I said that I want to become a cartoon character and he just laughed. He doesnt know that I wasnt joking. Sigh. My wonderful handphone got stolen and I am makng a resolution to just stay simple with the next one because the heartbreak and pain of losing one that is expensive and that can communicate with the international space station is just too much to bear. Next week is the midterm break and I know that I dont deserve it at all, since I think I have only attended 3 classes all in all this whole semester.. but I think that if it wasnt a holiday I would break like fragile porcelain. I wonder where all my toughness has gone. I used to be able to do many independent strong things.. now I wince as I walk alone and my only comfort is to count the seconds before I am able to fall into the safety of Logans protection and assurance. Maybe I need to watch more tough movies. Like Rocky. |
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sleepactiv
Shedding skin Jan 29th, 2006 2:59:17 pm - Subscribe
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Ive been wandering around half alive. You know what it is to be half alive. When you just go through the motions without really giving a shit about what youre doing. When you just feel like getting every sort of intoxicating substance there is and flooding your system so that you dont really have to be there. When youre so damn bored with everybody youre making conversation to make time pass. I should have never changed. I should have never crawled out of the space where its safe to be anything... where I can get ugly.. where Im good enough for me. I dont know at what point I thought that I needed a confirmation of my worth and existence branded on my skin. Its safe to be alone in that place. I loved being angry. Anger is precious. |
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sleepactiv
I love pie. Jan 30th, 2006 2:43:42 pm - Subscribe
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He said "you are so intelligent but youre so superstitious..".. Intelligent people cant be superstitious. Apparently. Ponder ponder. ................................................................. I started the day with cramps.. the monthly red card. As sunshine flooded in I felt like gutting the happy chirping birds. Them: fluttering about happily among flowers Me: In excruciating pain. No flowers. Funnily enough the day ended with me baking apple pies. Apple pie stuffing can be totally kickass if you put in baked green apples (big duh) green cherries raisins oranges and orange peel and thats it basically. Im 23 and I still feel the excitement of waiting for something to bake. Except now noone has to smack me to stop me from opening the oven door before its time. I smack other little children now. Its quite satisfying. ................................................................. Ja was showing me Lindsay Lohans new video.. confessions of a broken heart. The song sucks in various ways. I remember a conversation with Logan about how genius is born from suffering. Van Gogh made his best work when he was in a mental asylum. Frieda was covered with cold sores. Byron and his club foot. Not a theory I officially came up with.. I once said to Logan that genius artwork comes from stoned artists.. only truly good dope can inspire magnificent creations.. which is what the renaissance was about, not dope, but artists escaping reality in making art, and I am severely convinced that lots of good intoxicating substances was involved. Chuck Paluhniuk's book.. title I forgot but the main characters name is Misty... embellishes my theory.. but this time with intense suffering instead of just being extremely high. Well, back to what Im actually trying to say.. Lindsays song is about how she suffered without the love of her dad and other boo hoo hoo warblings.. But if her pain and suffering can only produce that kind of crap its clear that this miss doesnt have an artistic bone in her body. or maybe she should up it a notch. Self mutilation? Anyway, back to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow and to all the work I have to get done. All creatures of nature gag in unison at the idea of me worrying about work. Sigh. |