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sleepactiv
For now, my molars are safe. - Subscribe
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I grind my teeth; when Im thinking, when Im annoyed, when I cant sleep, and especially when Im worried. It is involuntary, but when I start its hard to stop, even when I know that its ruining my teeth. Its been an affliction Ive had since childhood, but its only started to really annoy me these past few months because it seemed as if my teeth were in constant motion every other second. Id wake up with an aching jaw because I had been grinding in my sleep. But yesterday it stopped. I wont say that its gone completely, I dont think it ever will be. I read Sue Monk Kidds "The Secret Life of Bees", and it ended the teeth olympics and the small ache that was residing at the back of my head. This is the pain-killer paragraph. "You have to find a mother inside yourself. We all do. Even if you already have a mother, we still have to find this part of ourselves inside. " She held out her hand to me. "Give me your hand." "When you're unsure of yourself," she said, "when you start pulling back into doubt and small living, she's the one inside saying, 'Get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are.' She's the power inside you, you understand?" "This Mary I'm talking about sits in your heart all day long, saying, 'Lily, you are my everlasting home. Don't you ever be afraid. I am enough. We are enough.' " Sigh. I am enough. We are enough. |
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sleepactiv
so true I just had to post this Jun 4th, 2006 10:26:52 pm - Subscribe
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THE FEMALE DICTIONARY FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine." GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine." |
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sleepactiv
For once Jun 9th, 2006 7:50:50 am - Subscribe
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Standing in line at the bank today, I came upon the revelation that I may be just a few steps away from turning into an axe murderer. Everytime I fill in the pink slip and get my number, that tells me that at least 20 people are going before me I get a mild aneurysm. I hate everyone in front of me; they are a gang, conspiring to make my wait just even more longer. They get the wrong forms, they take their sweet time to sign dotted lines, they chat with the teller. And the person right before will always, always, have the most complicated, time-consuming transaction that can be had in the banking universe. I smile, I look normal, but inside I am burning with rage and hate. And then the bell rings, and its my turn and the world is beautiful again. |
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sleepactiv
The burn journals Jun 10th, 2006 5:25:21 am - Subscribe
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I told her "Well, I nearly killed myself". And she said, "Oh you poor thing"... and some other stuff that I didnt quite listen to because I was just thinking about how peoples reaction differ when I tell people stuff like this. Theres the "Thats just stupid" reaction. Then "Why dont you get help". "What the hell were you thinking." And the weird inquiring ones. "So how were you going to do it?" I love life at times. Theres the people who love me, theres the contentment in eating cheese cake and laughing at jokes, and I look at the future and my potential and it just seems exciting and I cant wait to be there. So why do it? I read "the burn journals" yesterday and it was just such an accurate description of what its like. There isnt some obvious reason, and everything that has happened just before is simply the tipping point. Its something, and its everything. I remember someone telling me that God does not give you more suffering that you can endure. Sometimes, maybe, for some people this ability is miscalculated. It is beyond endurance, and you just cant take it anymore. I envy people who say that it is something that they have never even contemplated before. They seem so secure with themselves, it seems so stupid an idea, such an irrational way to deal with problems. I feel like trading bodies with them, because the shell I am in seems so grey and sad in comparison. |
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sleepactiv
Living the healthy life Jun 10th, 2006 6:20:48 am - Subscribe
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You should smoke less and eat more. Its funny how doctors can just put whats wrong with you in once sentence. It seems so simple to live "the healthy way", you just have to exercise twice a week and eat three meals a day. I promise myself each year that Im going to be part of that, the smiling people in pink jogging suits, looking radiant and happy because everything is going right for them. Theres a big red sign on their foreheads 'LOOK! WE'RE BETTER THAN YOU! DONT YOU WANT TO BE LIKE US?" But its just so much more easier to say "fuck that" and slip back under the covers. I found a song today that featured my name, and it just made me so happy. I've always thought that my name is just about as unromantic as a name can be. "Irma" is the sort of name that inspires visions of a big old Hungarian nurse, or an ageing barmaid. Or mousy librarian. Not sexy. So thank you Tommy Cash, for using this name for a love song. I love you, you made my day. Everyone should have their names made into love songs, its like getting to wear a crown on your head for a day, without people staring at you and thinking youre nuts. Heres the song: Irma Jackson I'd love to shout my feelings from a mountain high To tell the world I love her and I will till I die But we're livin' in a world that don't know love is colorblind And that's why Irma Jackson can't be mine I remember no one cared about us being friends We were only children and it really didn't matter then But we grew up too quickly in a world that draws a line That tells me Irma Jackson can't be mine If lovin' Irma Jackson is a sin then I don't understand this crazy world we're livin' in There's a mighty wall between us standing high but I'll love Irma Jackson till I die [ dobro ] She tells me she's decided that she'll go away I guess it's right that she alone should have the final say But in spite of her decision forcin' us to say goodbye I'll still love Irma Jackson till I die Yes lovin' Irma Jackson is a sin... I'll love Irma Jackson till I die |