The burn journals
Date: Jun 10th, 2006 4:25:21 am - Subscribe


I told her "Well, I nearly killed myself". And she said, "Oh you poor thing"... and some other stuff that I didnt quite listen to because I was just thinking about how peoples reaction differ when I tell people stuff like this.

Theres the "Thats just stupid" reaction. Then "Why dont you get help". "What the hell were you thinking." And the weird inquiring ones. "So how were you going to do it?"

I love life at times. Theres the people who love me, theres the contentment in eating cheese cake and laughing at jokes, and I look at the future and my potential and it just seems exciting and I cant wait to be there.

So why do it? I read "the burn journals" yesterday and it was just such an accurate description of what its like. There isnt some obvious reason, and everything that has happened just before is simply the tipping point. Its something, and its everything.

I remember someone telling me that God does not give you more suffering that you can endure. Sometimes, maybe, for some people this ability is miscalculated. It is beyond endurance, and you just cant take it anymore.

I envy people who say that it is something that they have never even contemplated before. They seem so secure with themselves, it seems so stupid an idea, such an irrational way to deal with problems.

I feel like trading bodies with them, because the shell I am in seems so grey and sad in comparison.


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