Date: Jun 13th, 2006 7:07:22 am - Subscribe
Its the 14th, and that means that its just ten days till Logan comes back from America. Got a call from him last Monday at 230 in the morning, while I was reading a particularly creepy ghost story.
I was reluctant to pick it up at first, who knows what ghosts can do nowadays. In the movies they can get through handphones and subscribe to the internet.
Glad that I took my chances though. Or maybe not. Now I miss him more, its like trying to keep away from chocolate cake, now that Ive had a bite I want more damn it!
Im getting homesick, its been a year since Ive been back. I dont get homesick very often, my family isnt the lovey dovey type. I miss my little sisters especially, I think all of us treat them like they're still toddlers and I guess this annoys them sometimes.
When my little sister scored in her exams I got her a teddy bear, and looking back it seems like the last thing a pre-teen girl would want, just when shes trying to get into the whole teeny bopper phase her idiot sister gives her another stuffed animal to hide from her friends.
Im afraid for them, I dont want them to grow up. I want them to stay small enough for me to put on my lap, and its easier to keep them safe from the evil that is abundant in this world.
Reading "the world according to Garp" I identify with his paranoia, the scary prickly feeling that you get when you imagine the worst that can happen to them.
I think that after the divorce all of the older ones assumed semi-parental roles, my mom was MIA all the time and my father was just never there.
I am afraid of having my own children, the world hasnt been all that nice to me, I dont think I want my children to experience life the way I have.
Sometimes this attitude transcends to how I care about people I love, Logan gets frustrated because I always assume the worst when I cant reach him.
Paranoid and neurotic, why am I not on drugs yet?
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