thesleepactivist

Valentine Schmalentine.
Date: Feb 14th, 2006 2:37:43 am - Subscribe



I think that a day about celebrating love is a good thing.

Its too hot to go back to my room now, but in a couple of minutes I will be making my way back to change and get ready to see "baybeee".. well, according to len, a cute little pinoy friend I have, thats how it sounds when it pops up from my mouth. Baybeeee...

Went to class today even when I overslept. Brave thing to do on my part since the professor goes through a sort of incredible hulk-like transformation when someone turns up late.

But today I got lucky. He was just quiet when I muttered my salams, navigated my way through the seats. I think I looked pretty petrified, sort of like a cross between a cornered deer and someone about to be electrocuted. So I guess I tugged at his heart strings. Or was just pathetic enough.

Am trying to be consistent in my yoga-ing. Its pretty hard since Im never consistent in anything I do. I wish there was a pill you could take for that.

The song "you raise me up" is playing now. I totally dig this song. Except this is the Westlife version. I like the Josh Groban version. Westlife is so pathetic. You just cant build your whole career on cover versions. Unless you just want to be a very successful karaoke star. And I dont think there is anything wrong in wanting to be a karaoke star. Really.

I want to get a pet this year. What Id really like is a pet kinkajou. Its sort of like a monkey, but cuter and smaller and just more vicious. I could just cut the leash everytime I see someone I hate, or sub-hate, which means hate but pretend to like.

Grin. Oh that would be so fun. "Oh.. Im so sorry "so-and so".. but the leash just broke.. here, I found a piece of your nose.. and theres your ass..." But I guess in the end the practical side of me will prevail and I will just NOT GET A PET BECAUSE I CANNOT BE RELIED UPON TO NOURISH AND NURTURE ANOTHER LIFE.

Sigh.

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Happy Valentines Day everybody. I wish I could tongue kiss every one of you, ah.. but the limits of cyber space hold us back so.. tsk tsk tsk.

Grin.


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Playing truant
Date: Feb 13th, 2006 5:02:51 am - Subscribe
Mood: ...........


I am here in front of my pc wondering why it hurts to sit on this chair since it has been pretty good to me this past semester.

I watched Fun with Dick and Jane with an old law mate last saturday. I thought the movie was pretty cute and funny, and there were some parts that were a total blast.. Jim Carreys signature antics.. but my mates commentaries dampened my moods.. he is honestly as dry as burnt grass.. I have made a note to myself to never ever go out with him if I am interested in having even a remote bit of fun.

Went for the weekend debate league, messed up the first round and our team came second, with horrendous speaker scores, but bounced back into form in the second round, got first place and the highest speak scores there.

We named our team "the black adder".. after 3 seconds of deliberation because we are the type to take these kind of things seriously.

I honestly dont know why Im still debating, have a feeling I should quit and taste more of the world, but it feels good and Ive never been good at leaving anyway.

Im skipping ethics class today, because its a total waste of time.. and Ive got quite a bit of work to do.

I took on a job translating tv scripts and it is a pain. The only consolation is I get to laugh at my own translations because my malay is bad, and some words are just hilarious when changed from english to malay.

And there is no phrase in malay that means "intense fleeting passion". I checked. There just isnt.

I have to finish translating this damn script since its due today, (cool thing is I know firsthand before any other malaysian that the series of "the flash" will be showing very soon) and I havent printed out my plans for the assignments Im giving to the kids this semester.

The second task should not take that long, since I just have to concoct something out of nothing, make it sound important and tell my students to write it in 250 words or more. But with my excellent daydreaming abilities it usually takes three times as long.

And the ethics class really is such a waste of time. Really I dont know what goes through this lecturers head since the study plan and teaching method is designed to waste my life. He has a pre-prepared lecture script and he makes every student take turns reading it out to everyone. They did the same thing to us in preschool.

Sometimes I just cant believe who they give degrees to. Its insane how a person can be super book smart and also be a total imbecile all at the same time.

I hate this weekend, because I have to judge at this guaranteed-to-be-bad tournament for newbies when Id rather be out having fun.

Sigh.
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I believe in Yoga
Date: Feb 8th, 2006 2:27:06 am - Subscribe
Mood: narcissistic



My hero is Esther, a character potrayed in Coelho's book, "the Zahir". Other than the fact that she is a strong small woman (inspiring us small ones all over the world) she represents something that I have always believed in.

That love should be fought for.

And that you should never be apologetic about it.

I hate fatalistic, go with the flow, wait for the right time people. Its not about forcing something down someones throat either. Its when you know that there is something there, that just needs more of you, a little bit more of your blood.. your time.. your patience...

Because love will never be like love in the movies. It isnt always pretty where it ends with the love stricken couple just making it in time at the airport and the scene closes with a public kiss and an accepted proposal.

Love in real life is messy, not so candy-apple sweet.. and it doesnt just fall in place. Its like a living jigsaw puzzle, that you have to constantly work on and sometimes the pieces just get lost and you have to get on your hands and knees to try to find it.

................................................................

Ive started doing yoga again and after a long time of not doing it my body isnt as flexible as before. Poses that used to come naturally to me now have to be done with much delicacy and bearing of pain.

As always it makes me more calmer. But I have been better these last few days. Other than the fact that I have gotten past the PMS phase, Ive started writing in my journal again and its helped me figure myself out.

Leaving thoughts locked in my head just helps me get more confused, what with my numerous personalities and unfailing ability to disagree with myself every five minutes.

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I am going out with my little brother again this friday. He needs to get new shirts and I just like shopping in general. Was reading Doystoyvskeys Crime And Punishment again and what struck me the most was the family bond between the three, mother daughter and son.

Looking at my family is like looking at seperate islands. We might send up smoke signals in times of desperate need, but there really isnt any gooey gummy happy close relationship that everyone I know seems to have.

But some of the islands are set just a little more close together.



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I love pie.
Date: Jan 30th, 2006 2:43:42 pm - Subscribe


He said "you are so intelligent but youre so superstitious.."..

Intelligent people cant be superstitious. Apparently. Ponder ponder.

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I started the day with cramps.. the monthly red card. As sunshine flooded in I felt like gutting the happy chirping birds.

Them: fluttering about happily among flowers
Me: In excruciating pain. No flowers.

Funnily enough the day ended with me baking apple pies.

Apple pie stuffing can be totally kickass if you put in

baked green apples (big duh)

green cherries

raisins

oranges and orange peel

and thats it basically.

Im 23 and I still feel the excitement of waiting for something to bake. Except now noone has to smack me to stop me from opening the oven door before its time. I smack other little children now. Its quite satisfying.

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Ja was showing me Lindsay Lohans new video.. confessions of a broken heart. The song sucks in various ways. I remember a conversation with Logan about how genius is born from suffering. Van Gogh made his best work when he was in a mental asylum. Frieda was covered with cold sores. Byron and his club foot.

Not a theory I officially came up with.. I once said to Logan that genius artwork comes from stoned artists.. only truly good dope can inspire magnificent creations.. which is what the renaissance was about, not dope, but artists escaping reality in making art, and I am severely convinced that lots of good intoxicating substances was involved.

Chuck Paluhniuk's book.. title I forgot but the main characters name is Misty... embellishes my theory.. but this time with intense suffering instead of just being extremely high.

Well, back to what Im actually trying to say.. Lindsays song is about how she suffered without the love of her dad and other boo hoo hoo warblings..

But if her pain and suffering can only produce that kind of crap its clear that this miss doesnt have an artistic bone in her body. or maybe she should up it a notch. Self mutilation?

Anyway, back to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow and to all the work I have to get done. All creatures of nature gag in unison at the idea of me worrying about work.

Sigh.

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Shedding skin
Date: Jan 29th, 2006 2:59:17 pm - Subscribe


Ive been wandering around half alive. You know what it is to be half alive. When you just go through the motions without really giving a shit about what youre doing. When you just feel like getting every sort of intoxicating substance there is and flooding your system so that you dont really have to be there. When youre so damn bored with everybody youre making conversation to make time pass.

I should have never changed. I should have never crawled out of the space where its safe to be anything... where I can get ugly.. where Im good enough for me. I dont know at what point I thought that I needed a confirmation of my worth and existence branded on my skin. Its safe to be alone in that place. I loved being angry.

Anger is precious.
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