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whew. here i am again.  am still currently fixing the site ... but geez, how i missed writing. still feels like the old one. had this place not blocked the previous server, i guess i won't be having any trouble setting this up again. anyhow, whatever. aeonity's kind of nice, actually. hmmmm. i wonder where i would start. *sigh* i am now breathing.  |
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a smile more blinding than the sun's... an aura dripping with deadly sweetness... a shadow covering the entire truth... a facade that never stops... when will you shed off the mask? when will you show me yourself? will you ever let me in? "a heart covered in ice..." .... a decision i made... |
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i'm sorry... i don't even deserve the attention... i don't deserve the love... i apologize for causing you this much pain. i'm so sorry but i cannot love you the same way that you love me.. i know you're not asking me to feel the same way.. but.. i don't know. you are my friend and it pains me to know that i am causing you this much heartbreak. you smile... but i know you're breaking down. you remain standing... but i know you're weary and broken.. i'm so sorry.  i know you'd tell me you don't need my pity. i don't pity you. but... i just don't want to hurt you. i'm tired of hurting people, causing them pain, making them miserable. i never asked for this. i wish i can make you happy.  ========== void i don't know. i am happy. i am sad. i feel.. confused. i'm starting to breathe again but i feel like i'm still being held back by my past. who am i? am i alive? there are a lot of things i would like to say here.. but i am lost. let me gather my thoughts...
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"i wonder how that feels..." i was sitting in front of the playpen, munching onion rings, watching a couple of kids waste themselves silly playing with each other, wondering.. i was a very repressed child. i never experienced childhood. haha! *geez* i grew up faster than i should be. and i can't help but wonder... "how does that feel?" i envy them. they have something i don't have. peace of mind. they may not be completely free, but on second thought, are we? i am tired. of being old. of being me. 23 years. god, i should be enjoying my youth. *sigh* |