the unattainable
Date: Dec 4th, 2005 2:53:30 am - Subscribe
Mood: awestruck
far coner of the eye...
"kitty cat nozzles on, licks her face...
moonlit musings languid
then everything becomes proactive...
no longer chooses to be alone... no longer curbed in the space she calls her own.
for a time being she's always found solace in solitude, forever in conclusion that this is...was...her nascent state of being. the imago of the true self.
ludicrous, everything becomes ludicrous. her comfort zone was that of a dull somber, lamentable. she sees much happiness in such melancholy. taxing, forever taxing. all along she perceived such gleeful existence could only be obscure. happiness is but a procurement of the borrowed thought of belonging, a certain sense of propriety. she had never wanted to belong to anyone, not even be bound by events. in truth she was in bondage, in the confines of her make-believe world...that she is free.
i have perpetually argued on the dialectics of binary opposites (ha ha, how redundant). she would not even yield to form. and her recluse to such wretched compoundings, it is a mold on it's own. lest she would come to realize, that my curtsy is of fancy retorts as my purpose is for her self-preservation. how she loves my gait. i look into her eyes, i lick her face. i cuddle. i want her to live forever, you see.
she strokes. she's thankful of her loyal confidante. she smiles. she's happy.
dreary dream come into opening. my lady how can one be free when one has not yet acknowledge one's existence tangible? i've told her time and again, one cannot wallow away in mere abstraction.
i love her for all that she is. insanely sensible. she has so much spunk in her. i like her ass (she's always told me i'm such a perv) but i especially love her brain. she tells me i'm a jackass then she gives me a kiss.
the phone rings. familiar voice of the being to which she's bequeathed her heart.
vacillating on the thought of happiness. i continually seek for such bleak a climate of an existence. now, i choose to be happy.
my felicity is he... as i have found resolve on the conundrum of my existence.
i come into understanding, happiness is sadness unmasked."
-- 3rd caller with an accent --
oh. my. god. i stumbled upon her blog just now and i was just ... struck. my mouth's still hanging open from awe.
oh. my. god.
'am not supposed to be crushing on her anymore. *headscratch* but....
she really is different.
[get a freaking grip, leigh. how fickle could you get. taena naman kase, astig talaga masyado. ang galing magsulat! tae talaga.]
at eto pa!!!!
"i kissed her. lips subtle and tender... its sides curve languidly, so inviting. her tongue carresses the inside of my mouth with such ecstasic motion, intoxicating. i take hold of her inside. i press against her. surface tension, precise. produces enough friction, enough heat for the night. i wallow away in her amorous scent. i curb like a child, fetal position. her touch invigorating, gliding motion of her palm, her fingers against my skin, my body. torso scathed with wounds of many a number laiden battles. feet calloused by such heavy tread. walk away from loneliness, walk away from pain... away from desertation... i come to her. she nurtures my aching core, i nestle in her presence. she is gaia embodied. i am like her yet so very different... withered away i go. it is she that has conquered my all. she is my alter-ego. she is my reflection. we are one and the same... coming from the that source, same opening. i enamour her through cross-gendered verse."
potaena talaga. bakit ko ba binasa-basa yung blog nya. taena! syet. ayako ng ganito. kelangan kong mag-detox. 'di ko sya ulit dapat makita for the next week. amfotah, kausapin nyo nga ako!
don't let her seductive words eat you out... there is poison with every word uttered... this is one very dangerous game you are playing right now, azure. wake up. take a hold of your thoughts. you're losing it.
Comments: (1)
hers
Date: Dec 3rd, 2005 12:10:03 am - Subscribe
Mood: complicated
"why do i keep on falling for every girl who shows me the least bit of attention?"
Joel hit it straight to the point when he said that in Eternal sunshine of th spotless mind
yeah. i wonder why.
oh well. but i love her still.
=======
tell me i'm wrong. tell me i shouldn't treat you this way. i don't wanna feel sorry but i can't help it. don't make me stop feeling this way because i can't control it. the same way i cannot control the way you feel. you don't want me to be hurt by your being hurt. then can i ask you not to be hurt instead? this is a domino effect. treat me the same way and i'd treat you the same way. i apolgize for making your world a lot more complicated. never meant to. but i wanna keep you with me as a friend, how we used to be. selfish? if you think that i am, then by all means, ignore me. the least that i wanna bring you right now is more pain. can you not treat me the same way as before? forget these entries. you know i am maudlin. and you know very well that i am more than demented. this is nothing but release of all the thoughts plaguing my mind right now. if i dont release it, i'm bound to lose it completely.
i know you are reading this.
but are you reading this?
=======
people never seem to take me seriously. *pouts*
geez.
am i really a big joke? *sigh* forgive me, just whining.
for the first freaking time in my life, i asked somebody out.
and she thought i was joking
oh well.
i'm not big with words. i do better writing than actually talking out loud.
guess i should just repeat the question.
movie. food. talk. next week?
pathetic, leigh. *groans*
Comments: (3)
dying young
Date: Nov 26th, 2005 9:03:19 pm - Subscribe
Mood: weary
"i wonder how that feels..."
i was sitting in front of the playpen, munching onion rings, watching a couple of kids waste themselves silly playing with each other, wondering..
i was a very repressed child. i never experienced childhood. haha! *geez* i grew up faster than i should be. and i can't help but wonder...
"how does that feel?"
i envy them. they have something i don't have. peace of mind. they may not be completely free, but on second thought, are we?
i am tired.
of being old. of being me.
23 years. god, i should be enjoying my youth.
*sigh*
Comments: (1)