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Dear CIA,

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I don't care if you killed JFK, or if you distributed crack in California in the late 80s and early 90s. I don't care about you rigging elections, participating in undeclared acts of war, or lacing pop music with binaural beats.

In regards to any former question of my allegiance, this country treats its expatriates terribly, which would make any potential decision to unlawfully flee rather irrational. Instead, I think I should finish my international economics degree (I may have changed majors four times, but I never dropped out of college... but you already know that), and ultimately seek employment that both allows and requires me to explore the world.

I can say this truthfully: the "American dream" has completely failed this individual. I stopped believing when I was a kid, around the same I figured out about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. The thing is, I do not speak for everyone. For many, this little game works.

The most amazing and inspiring real-life people I've ever known are not native-born Americans. With the exception of anyone who may possibly be reading this, the vast majority of Americans I've met are completely delusional, their minds having been shaped by a culture whose very principles are centered around worldly possessions. They serve as simple economic units, buying products crafted in other countries, making the rounds at jobs they don't care about. Then they go protest about it, instead of finding something more meaningful.

America has military bases in over a hundred countries, but more importantly, we have embassies as well. I already know two languages, why not learn a few more? Language is just a science, like anything else. The more languages one knows, the stronger effect one can have on the world.

I'm not here to apologize for the American way. To apologize for being one's self is weak. The rest of the world benefits from us, but for whatever reason, the vast majority here chooses to revel in the weakest parts of our culture.

Maybe I'll go to law school later. Maybe I'll look into lobbying, or market analysis. Maybe I'll teach English (though I admittedly would not be able to cope with the payment)... I guess I should finish what I'm doing first.

So there, CIA/FBI/Secret Service/Illuminati. I don't hate America, I'm one of the good guys. I want to see it do well, and I'm one of the people who helps other people see that too.

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time and stuff

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The world has not gone crazy.

Perhaps now, more than ever, we live in a world which rewards the patient, the abstinent, the sane, and the logical.

And I'm tired of people telling me "life is too short"... I can't fathom the very notion, seeing as life is the longest thing anyone in the world will ever experience.

If time is money, then it is most wisely shared or invested, not spent.

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These kids

They don't even realize that the financial oligarchy has been trying to plant provocateurs like this ever since before Probama was elected. Remember "Bush is a Nazi", burning flags, 9/11 was an inside job, etc?

The same social engineers that created the Tea Party also invented this Occupy bullshit. If you participate in this shit, you're the worst kind of media drone.

They make money off your stupid useless protests. Don't you get it?

If you think the USA is shit, then get the fuck out of the USA. That's what I'm doing.

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The more I think about it, the less I believe in this country, and the less I want to be a part of its future.

The only reason I'm in school is to get my ticket outta here.

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I'm stone sober, I don't smoke cigarettes, and Wii fit says I'm a healthy weight

As far as the social order of the USA goes, I'm a fucking rebel

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doesn't feel

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I've been pretty far away from where I grew up for a few months now, I guess I it's only natural to express how it feels

it doesn't feel like anything

this world is so tiny... but it's the biggest thing any of us will ever be able to interact with.

I think I'm going to invest in a good telescope, start driving out to the mountains every once in a while to check out what's going on upstairs

The cities seem so enthralling and exciting , but they become bleak and predictable with time and experience.

Our minds are meted out to a science... We are walking postulates and theorems. We can change the value of our personal variables but we can't bend the framework that guides us to act. We can arrange the elements around us however we see fit, but even the wildest artists and inventors are bound by unflinching laws of order.

From where I'm sitting right now now, I can see every ziggurat-temple and their sweeping light displays occupying this stretch of earth, I can hear the unceasing roar of our intricate contraptions echo off the steel and concrete, each one a staggering example of our potency, a testament to our existence.

With the exception of the oceans, this world his mapped out. I'm sure someone, somewhere, holds the blueprints for a civilization that covers every section of entire world's inhabitable crust. There is little in the world left to explore.

In my time, I have chosen to see many places one ought not see. Not places of stone and iron, but places of the mind, places of being. Every kind of pain and suffering man is capable of withstanding, I have stood steadfast in the wake thereof. I do not lament or cry over what is lost. I conquer it. I feel no need to dwell on, or even notice any hardship that may befall me in the path ahead. It is all inconsequential now that the motions have been set.

From this perch at the top of this building, surveying this monumental complex continuously unfolding around me, I forget my young age. I forget my healthy body and my blessing of a competent mind. I feel centuries old. I feel like I have died a thousand times and been reborn each time. I feel like I have changed the world, but have not moved a single pebble.

I feel enormous... and I feel microscopic.

and it still doesn't feel like anything.

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Wanna know something crazy? I'm a confirmed Catholic. I can't say I still practice, but I'm not an atheist.

That seems to piss way more people off than the fact that I like other dudes.

I spent many years recklessly attacking the entire world of spirituality, due to my reservations with the church... As time passed, I saw enough suffering to understand where it comes from and how to prevent it in my own life.

I have seen, perhaps one too many times, that I am capable of enacting grand works of evil. If I can see such evil, then by default, the opposite must exist as well.

A person can believe in a god and do horrible things. A person can be an atheist and do great things.... The most important thing I've ever realized is that the vice-versa is just as true.

Wishing "Woe to the unbelievers" is just as criminally simple-minded as "woe to the believers"...

"God" is the great unknown. It's the question that cannot be answered. The unanswerable question causes us to strive for more, continuously, generation after generation. All of this debate over science vs religion is petty. One cannot exist without the other.

A scientist, even if he or she is an atheist, is capable of faith. They put faith in their discovery. They put faith in their tools to lead them to that discovery. Whether or not anyone believes in God is inconsequential.

In order for their voice to be heard in society today, a priest must have air conditioning, lights, and a microphone in their church at the very least. The message of the church cannot be spread to every stretch of the world without the advancements of science.

It is easy to attack religion. Many atrocities have been committed in the name of "God" in every culture. In order to know spirituality, one must know that the gods that cause suffering, or are used to pardon suffering, are false. Any god who judges and condemns is false. Those are the roles of man.

All throughout life, we are given roles by ourselves or other people... In my short time on earth, I have lived the roles of a rich man, a beggar, a scholar, an asshole, a genius, an idiot, a nerd, a lover, a programmer, a delivery guy, an artist, a musician, a winner, a loser... but they are all the same. They are the same because those roles are just moments in time, given titles centered around actions and materials. They are all fleeting things, words in the air, just as this life, this body, and this world are. Some day, I will die. Those roles will die with me.

God is given roles by those same people. God is the creator, the destroyer, the infinite source of love and wisdom, the cause of our woes, the sun in the sky, God is holy, God is damned, God is real, God is fake, God is whatever people want it to be. When those people die, their roles for God die too, but God does not die with them.

When a man is stripped of his roles, what is left beneath? What lies under our clothes, our flesh, and our minds? What is behind the energy that moves those things?

The world is flawed. We are flawed with it. It is impossible to change those things. However, we can choose to hone our mind to see beyond those flaws. As individuals, we can choose to take part in destruction, to increase the flaws, which inevitably causes our minds to bend and twist in ways that hurt us... Or we can create and contribute to this world, rearrange its allotment of materials in an order that makes it stronger.

What exactly defines a flaw? It varies from person to person... Boldness to one may be construed as pompous aggressiveness to another. The flaw is not the action, but the fact that the observers are limited in their ability to perceive the pure action, and doomed to judge it. I'm not saying that flaws are a matter of perspective, I'm saying that the matter of perspective is the flaw.

In eastern philosophy, an individual with an inferior practice must forfeit their former beliefs if logically disproved by another individual's superior practice. The philosophy can be superior, but the person is not.

The path is not mine to choose for anyone. I am not here to convert anyone to anything.

Every single person on earth engages in ritualistic behavior, everyone has faith in something, but we all call it something different.

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From the moment you're born, this world is trying to destroy you.

Think I'm just being a pessimist? Look at it. I'm not saying it's all bad, but it's full of hazards like disease, drugs, money, cigarettes, mental disorders, things that explode, misplaced banana peels...

Every year a person manages to survive is in this clusterfuck is a noteworthy accomplishment, a measurement of strength. Some people count those years and hang them on the wall, others feel ashamed and try to hide them, and the rest really don't care enough to talk about it.

The world will try to make you feel like shit for not accomplishing things by a certain age or not "acting your age". This is another one of its methods of sabotage, stemming from an outdated, monolithic social construct. People who let its influence affect their own sense of achievement are letting it destroy their body and mind.

Like the old saying "one man's trash is another man's treasure"... One man's accomplishments are another man's failures.

I can imagine someone chancing upon this site interpreting these thoughts as those of as a cantankerous old man. Nah, I won't be one of those for at least another 40 years. I can't wait, those will be the greatest years of my life.

EDIT: a few hours later, Steve Jobs died... RIP

I've been online since 1991. Yup, that's right, since before Delphi introduced the first commercial at-home internet package. I've been "blogging" since before that obnoxious term was coined.

Pouring out this Fanta Pineapple for you, old pal.

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have you ever asked: WHY DO PEOPLE LISTEN TO SHIT MUSIC?

Officially licensed Gaga Halloween costumes? T-Pain vocal modulator microphones for sale at Toys R Us? Tokio Hotel videos with views numbering in the tens of millions...? Nicki Minaj actually being considered a musician at all?

What. The. Fuck.

Here's the thing: using one's body in a recorded video for the purpose of sexual stimulation is a thing called pornography. It certainly has its place in society, but should not be confused with music.

Believe it or not, there are certain patterns of sound that can arouse a person. There is a distinct combination of visual stimuli, not just tits and asses, that can be arranged to persuade a person to think about sex. It goes without saying that sex inspires people to spend money.

I could write an entire novel about how much I dislike any of these people, why I know for a fact that they are fraudulent, how their influence is making society stupid, but instead of being a "hater", I'll tell you what I look for in music.

Unless it's music that was clearly meant for the sake of humor, I want to hear

1. Technical proficiency.
If a person wants to grab my attention with their music, I want it to sound, for a lack of a better word, good. If they play an instrument, they should be showing off their years of dedicated practice. If they sing, they had better hit their pitch. If it's electronic music, I want to hear the artist's distinct knowledge of theory, because anyone can crap out a club beat in standard time.

2. Sincerity.
It's okay if a musician makes a profit off their music. Everyone's gotta eat, after all. If someone wants to make it big, then more power to them. There is no point in staying in obscurity forever if your music can appeal to a wide range of people. Sometimes, legitimately good music gets a huge audience. More often than not, tens of millions of people eat lies. They get so caught up in the tabloid representation of popular musicians that they cease hearing the music and only hear the story behind the person who made it. When I pay for a ticket to see some music, I'm not paying to gawk at some caricature of a man or woman, I am paying to observe a self-contained performance. It takes less than a second of observation to determine whether or not the performers actually give a shit about what they're doing.

3. A concern for humanity.
No, I'm not saying I only listen to hippie bullshit. See #2 for my thoughts on that. It's more than okay for someone to make music about sex, death, heartbreak, or any other heavy-handed subject, as long as it's created out of a reverence for its subject matter. I'm not just talking about killing hoes in rap or grinding fetuses in death metal... The only thing tackier than being too edgy is falsely representing emotions to tug on an audience's heart strings. Whether musicians realize it or not, the position of an artist is one of leadership in society. An artist controls what people see and hear. To overload those people with a false sense of despair over trivial matters, unbridled aggression, or tepid irresponsible happiness, is damn-near criminal. A more responsible use of talent is to create works which explore such emotional landscapes for the purpose of taming and quelling them back to stability.

4. A sense of wonder.
I do not want music that deals exclusively with things that everyone knows and understands. That is the true magic of music, the fact that people can use these tools to channel some sort of unearthly force into existence, stack these invisible waves of sound into glorious harmony, penetrate our skulls and send chills down our spines. I want to sit or stand, observe, and simply let the genius wash me away. I want those waves shatter people into fragments, discombobulate them, and re-shape them.

Those are pretty much the main things. As we all grow older, the previous generation dies and their music dies with them. Sometimes I fear that we have dropped the torch. At first, it seemed like everyone kinda knew it was a sort of tongue-in-cheek joke: "Haha, oh yes, you silly man, cap those bitches and eat those babies, jolly good"... But as time has passed, we forgot it was a joke, and we forgot our legacy. We forgot that it was our job to pass the beauty of the world unto our heirs, and look at what they are becoming.

Considering we had Mozart, Salieri, Beethoven, and Tchaikovsky hundreds of years ago, I guess that makes this the dark ages. Who is responsible? America. More people than you'd think still see us as the pinnacle of the world, and seek to emulate our way of life. Our corruption of music is corrupting the world. Disco may been pretty lame, but music from 2000 years ago was more evolved than the tripe we hear on the streets now.

Actually, I shouldn't use that word. I had some tripe in my pho a few weeks ago and I'm insulting tripe by using it as a means of comparison.

I watch the local symphony orchestra perform regularly. I also enjoy watching improv jazz bands play in dives with an upside-down hat on the table.

Those are the two best settings to hear music in this entire country, and neither one costs as much as a front row ticket to some shit from the radio.

(I guess I've been playing music for about twenty years as well, but nobody wants to hear about that)

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