Happy New Year and some ruminations
Date: Jan 1st, 2009 10:33:53 am - Subscribe
Mood: adored

Well, here it is, 2009. Feels about the same I guess-Happy New Year to everyone out there, and best wishes for 2009!
Now to the point of this entry. I suppose, sweetheart, the reason I hurt you lies in my own anger and miserable feelings that hit me sometimes. I get depressed-And when I come home and you're not here, after a bad day, I get angry. Something in my mind says, "Do it-Make her feel some of the hurt you're feeling, make her feel as miserable as u do right now." I know deep down that u can't help not being here right now, I know that. But for some reason that I can't explain, something makes me wants to transfer some of the hurt and depression and anger onto you-sometimes the old saying "misery loves company" rings true with me. I know now that it's a rotten way to have a relationship with someone-hence one of my other New Years resolutions, to find some other outlet for my anger and sometimes mild depression rather than taking it out on you. I know that if you could be here right now with me, you would, in a heartbeat. 2009 will be our year, sweetie-It will be the year we make our move towards living the rest of our lives together. at 35, I feel my best years are behind me-but you are in your prime, and your youth and exuberance are refreshing. I am sure you can help me to enjoy life again-to make me feel invigorated and glad to be alive. I love you dearly, sweetie-and I am very glad to be your man. Here's to 2009-and to us. I love u, so much. xxxx
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