Beautiful Soul
Date: Feb 9th, 2005 5:18:17 pm - Subscribe
Mood: new
I just felt I needed a new journal to start anew. How funny, i always start a new journal hoping to keep it a private but as time passes, the feeling of getting my journal noticed keep getting to me. However I do succeed in getting my previous one (gj) limited only to those journal friends I've made at gj. Most of the entries are private.
Did I mention I love this Chinese New Year. I'm a sucker for family thingy, reunion dinner, family gathering and these kind of things. Even if they dont turn out well, I would be the kind of person hoping next year would turn out better than this year. This year was good anyway, decoration and food were all sponsered by me! Spend the last few minutes of chinese new year eve playing maijong with my lovely cousins. Even got a little secret out of them. My eldest cousin, young, 24, might be getting married at the end of the year. Me.....I'm still single with no boyfriend to spend the valentine day. I'm going 20 this year and I have yet to find myself a boyfriend. Woohoo.
Call me picky, call me nerd, call me anything you want. However I feel this kind of thing shouldnt be rushed. Love should be something that people should not take it for granted. I've seen too many failed relationship in my life, how girls bawled for guys for stupid reasons and couldnt sleep or eat for several days and all of a sudden becomes histerical for a simple thing the guy does for forgiveness (I wonder will i ever react like that). The feeling of loved is great, i know but I think people shouldnt plunged into relationship so quickly. I bet gillian will agree to that. I guess growing up in a family who strongly believe independent help me as a person not to depend on anyone too much. Decision should be made by yourself. I had to walk home from school myself on my first day. I had help, my cousin would walk with me but there would be days when she wanted to stay with her friends, I couldnt be a drag and insist she has to stay with me.
My father and my aunt both asked me the very same question. "wanna go back to grandmother's place this year?" I already told my aunt No and my dad "We'll see" which in my case is a no also. As you see, my parents are divorced. I hated my mom for ruining the family and everything. I didnt even want to visit HER side of the family cause they disgust me except for my grandpa and mom. I respect my grandpa alot, he's a quiet man, although he gambles sometimes but the words he said always have a deep impact on me. They teach me alot. So will I visit them this year....I really have no idea. The thought of a possibility of meeting my mother freakes me out. How weird I keep having dreams of her and the synopsis would be the same. Maybe deep down inside I havent forgive her, so I really dont know when this dream will stop. Maybe the day I make peace with myself and forgive her.
Till then, I'm very happy with my New Year and this new blog and my first entry. Happy new year guys.
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