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So, We are not taking a break, and we are not breaking up, we are however going to separate ourselves a little bit. I'm moving back to my parents house for a while, so that we can distance ourselves for a little while during this time of us figuring things out. This could ultimately end in our breaking up but who knows. I'm not even sure where my heart is in the matter, like what I actually want... So, I'm at my mom's house right now, came here to set up my computer and such since I can't really use it anywhere else right now. It's kind of nice, their internet connection is hella good compared to what mine was. In the time frame of this next week I plan to fully be living here. Yes I will spend a night or two with Cersten but not live with her completely. This could be pretty good, but it will be pretty hard. I'll probably have nights of crying and the such. Here's to a new life. |
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So looks like my odd thoughts and weird assumptions about my relationship going into the shit hole where correct. She wants to take a break? Uh, I cant take a break, if you cant work out problems in the relationship then there is no need to be in a relationship. Why take a break to work them out? I'm not ok with that, Its either I am in or I am out, no in between! So if she wants to stick it out and work through it then good because thats what a relationship is, but if she honestly decides she wants to take a break then no go I'm out, she can't possibly love me as much as she says she does if she is so ready and willing to take a break. And because I am not a happy person? Yeah my last month or so have been really hard so of course I'm not a happy person, I am sorry I cant handle my problems on the inside and be a fake happy person outwardly. Because I am this "negative person" she feels its wearing out on her and she wants to be a fun, outgoing, random, spontaneous, party with friends, and fuck anything that matters girl, in my mind thats not someone I want to be with. I'm an adult and I plan to live a fun responsible life. Its possible, I don't know why she doesn't think so, ugh! Guess love only lasts so long... we'll see where it goes from here. She should be home soon so more talking, deliberating, arguing, and crying... fun! Best part is if it ends I have to move back in with my parents cause I can't afford my own place yet... |
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I totally wanted to write the last entry for much longer than I did I just had to start paying attention in class (yes I was writing when I was suppose to be avidly listening to my college instructor, so what!?) so now that I am out of class, why not keep writing. To expand on the feeling exluded and distant from my other, it just happened again. Before I came here to the library to use the computer I went to see Cersten after class. She works at the scene shop for the schools theatre department so I knew she would be there. We also drove here together so I kinda needed to know where she would be when I get out of my next class that starts 2 hours from now (a hefty amount of time to waste), reasonable reasons to see her right? Just wanted to say hi and ask her when the rehearsal for the show would be done tonight (since she is also props manager for the show run throughs) so we could make our departure a bit easier. First words I get from her is "you shouldn't be here right now" Why? I dont know! I go there every tuesday after class to say hi and catch up with her for a nice 5-10 minutes and none of her coworkers or bosses even care, so uh, whats the problem. I barely get two words in edgewise without her looking away. I had to tell her what I wanted and then say it extremely adamintly before she even started giving me the time of day. Hell I didn't even get a kiss because of her excuse (while blowing up balloons) "my lips tatse like latex" what the fuck is that! (sorry for my language). I don't get it. Anyone with any sort of logical brain would take this sort of thing and say to themselves "what did I do wrong?". I've thought it over quite intensly and I have come to the conclusion that I have done nothing wrong nor anything that could even be closely construed with 'wrong'. Like I said before I really hope this is just and adjusting phase she is going through because I won't care to handle it if its gonna be like this for good. Oh yeah! Of course when I talk to her about the way I feel about this she basically says that she doesn't feel like there is anything wrong with our relationship and that it's going well... I don't get that... UGH! Whatever, really. I will just go on with life right now while focusing on the other things in it that are also important... Wish me luck. -Adam |
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So I actually haven't blogged anywhere is quite some time, and I don't feel like doing it in any other place. If I did on facebook notes I'm sure I would get tons of crap from pretty much all of my friends, or I just wouldn't be able to actually say what I want to say. So here I am on aeonity, not a bad idea. Most of my friends on here are from more than 3 years ago, who cares what they think If I don't even talk to them anymore. Let's not say 'who cares' lets say It's not going to affect any of my social situations. Though, I still have a good feeling this post will be read, or at least looked over. David probably still has me on his friends, maybe not, if so he'll get this and be surprised at the capacity he actually has to create a community that actually has someone coming back to it after a countless amount of days away. So, here I am, deal with it. I really have a lot on my mind lately and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it so It seems like the best choice just to blog it. Sure people can read this but they would have to be looking for it. No big deal. Our house started on fire the other day, it was an electrical fire in the basement. Didn't burn through much of anything before it was put out, but it did create a lot of smoke damage. Guess to much carbon got into the air and a lot of the smoke was from burning plastic so for the next week the house is uninhabitable. Pretty much blows hard, I'm stuck in a hotel room with out any of the luxuries I'm use to. Which honestly, big deal! I should get over it, whats our issue in this world always thinking we deserve so much, we should be happy with what we have. I'm lame for seeing this as such a great inconvenience. So I'm with this girl named Cersten, been living with her for almost a year, and I love her. Though, in the last week or so she has starting going through this awkward (for me) phase. She is trying to find herself and do things for herself because she feels like she has been responsible for others far too much. Which, I understand totally cool! Though I've been extremely neglected as even part of her existence and we are stuck in a hotel together!!! It just doesn't make sense to me. I feel very lonely about it and It's kind of eating me up. This isn't normal since we've been living together for so long, usually getting along and always acknowledging the other person through spending time with them and including each other in our daily lives. I feel like I have to pry for any information or for any attention. I really hope this doesn't last long... I have to get going for now, feels good to get going with some outward-feeling-writing. -Adam |
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alright. i haven't been here in forever. but i need to use it now. i have a paper i need to have access to at school and home and school doesn't allow email. so i'm posting my paper on here. Eating Disorders Anorexia, Bulimia, and Bigorexia This paper will be discussing a number of eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, and bigorexia. It will explore factors that play key roles in one developing an eating disorder. Also, the symptoms of each disorder will be described, along with the dangerous methods used. Also, attached to this paper are statistics and facts associated with eating disorders. Doesn’t it seem like everyone is dieting these days? The media is constantly pushing the ‘latest’ diet pill, or the ‘new and improved’ exercise program. With the large increase in obesity rates among Americans, it’s no wonder diet programs have become a new fad. But, for some people, dieting is taken to the extreme. The individual thinks that they are fat and will do anything to be thin. They may refuse to eat, and then purge, and even abuse diet pills and laxatives. This paper will compare and contrast different eating disorders, symptoms of these disorders, and causes and influences affecting individuals. Eating disorders affect people from all parts of the world. Both men and women have eating disorders, although there are a higher percentage of women having them. “Women are given the message at a very young age that in order to be happy and successful, they must be thin.” (Thompson ,1996) But society’s ideal body image is not achievable. People do not realize that the media uses computers to reshape the bodies of actresses and models to make them look thinner than they actually are. Clothing retailers construct their mannequins to have measurements much different than the average woman. These tactics are used to draw in consumers and make them think that their product will make them look thin and feel good about themselves. See Table 1A to see how an average woman compares to a store mannequin. Teenagers make up the largest percentage of people with eating disorders. Young girls are striving to fit in with ‘cliques’ and yearn to be ‘popular’. As they enter into puberty and discover that boys no longer have cooties, they long for attention from those of the opposite sex. When rejected, or just not noticed, the teenage adolescent may feel that they are not pretty enough, or not thin enough. This may cause them to develop an eating disorder as they go to extreme measures to become thin. Not only are adults and teenagers affected by eating disorders; children also suffer from various food disorders. If parents and older siblings are dieting and expressing dislike towards their own bodies, the child will receive the message that appearance is very important. “Barbie herself sets a very bad example towards children.” (Thompson, 1996) Young girls wrapped up in their Barbie doll worlds, are told that to be beautiful, one must be thin. It is estimated that 40% of nine year olds have already dieted and that four and five year olds are expressing the need to diet. Two of the most common eating disorders are Anorexia and Bulimia. They have many of the same symptoms, although they are different disorders. Some common symptoms they share are fatigue, muscle weakness, depression, irritability, and mood swings. People with either of these disorders also may exercise excessively, make excuses for not eating meals, appear uncomfortable when around food, abuse laxatives, diet pills, and/or diuretics, vomit, and feel that self worth requires being thin. These disorders also share some of the same physical and medical complications. Irregular or loss of menstruation (amenorrhea), dizziness, dehydration, constipation, shortness of breath, irregular heartbeats, hair loss, stomach pains, kidney and liver damage, electrolyte imbalances, anemias, cardiac arrest, and death are just some of the complications eating disorders may cause. People with eating disorders share some of the same food behaviors. They may skip meals, take tiny portions, eat “safe foods”, become a vegetarian, boast about eating healthy meals, drink diet sodas, and read labels religiously. Sometimes, a person may mix strange food combinations, or chew mouthfuls, but spit it out before swallowing. The different eating disorders also share common trends in appearance and body image behaviors. People with these disorders may wear baggy clothes to hide weight loss. Or they may wear layers to hide fat or to stay warm. When shopping or trying on clothes, the person will obsess about clothing size and spend a lot of time in front of the mirror. “Anorexia Nervosa is characterized by a significant weight loss resulting from excessive dieting.” (Thompson, 1996) A person with anorexia is motivated by the strong desire to be thing and a fear of becoming fat. They will set very high standards for themselves and strive for perfection. They will also put the needs of others ahead of their own. While these are good things, the person usually has very low self-esteem. They are never satisfied with their weight. Sometimes, focusing on calories and losing weight is their way of blocking out feelings and emotions. If they can’t control what is happening around them, they can control their weight. A person with anorexia may have noticeable weight loss, become withdrawn, always be cold, have an obsession with food, calories, and recipes, complain of being too fat even when thin, cook for others, but not eat themselves, frequently check weight on the scale, faint or have dizzy spells, and have a pale complexion. They may also have unusual eating habits, such as cutting food into tiny pieces, or picking at food. Eating in public is very difficult as they can be secretive about their eating patterns. Medical problems that may arise in those with anorexia are skin problems, cold hands and feet, bloating, decreased metabolism, loss of bone mass, osteoporosis, insomnia, infertility, low potassium, and those mentioned earlier on page __. Those with anorexia usually resist any attempts to help them because the idea of therapy is seen only as a way to force them to eat. Once they admit that they have a problem and are willing to seek help, they can be treated effectively. “Bulimia Nervosa is characterized by a cycle of binge eating followed by purging to try and rid the body of unwanted calories.” (Thompson, 1996) For one person, a binge may range from 1,000 to 10,000 calories. For another person, one cookie may be considered a binge. Those with bulimia do not feel secure about their own self worth. They base their own self worth on being thin and controlling intake of food. When eating, the feel out of control. The person will diet, become hungry, and then binge eat in response to powerful cravings and feelings of deprivation. Food then becomes the only source of comfort. Some signs and symptoms of bulimia are binge eating, bathroom visits after eating, weight fluctuations (usually with 10-15 lb range), swollen glands, broken blood vessels, severe self-criticism, fear of not being able to stop eating, tooth decay, sore throat, and those mentioned earlier on page __. Medical complications may include lack of energy, headaches, tears of esophagus, erosion of teeth enamel, chronic sore throat, parotid gland enlargement, edema (swelling of hands and feet), chest pains, development of peptic ulcers and pancreatitus, abrasions on back of hands and knuckles, and those mentioned earlier on page __. Those with bulimia are more likely to realize they have a problem and seek help than those with anorexia, though; they may partake in irresponsible behaviors such as shoplifting, promiscuity, and abuse of alcohol, drugs, and credit cards. Those with eating disorders use dangerous methods to achieve a thinner appearance. Ipecac syrup, laxatives, diuretics, and diet pills are just some of the drugs taken. Ipecac syrup induces vomiting and should only be used in cases of accidental poisoning. Repeated use can cause the heart muscle to weaken. Long term effects include irregular heartbeats, chest pains, breathing problems, rapid heart rate, and cardiac arrest. Laxatives, such as Ex-Lax and Correctal, have little or no effect on reducing weight because by the time they work, the calories have already been absorbed. The person may feel like they have lost weight because of the amount of fluid that is lost. The body will start to retain water within a 48-72 hour period. Leaving the person feeling bloated and fearing they are gaining weight. Prolonged use of laxatives can lead to permanent damage to bowels, other severe medical complications, and death. Diuretics (water pills) are much like laxatives. They give the person a feeling of weight loss, but only vital fluid and electrolytes are lost. Use of diuretics is dangerous because the body’s electrolytes need to be in balance in order for you organs, such as the heart, kidney, and liver to function properly. Diet pills may seem to be safe ways to lose weight, but they are addictive and can produce symptoms such as increased heart rate, dizziness, high blood pressure, nausea, anxiety, irritability, insomnia, dry mouth, and diarrhea. |
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| I hate it... really i do. its so cold, and i am a really nervous driver on the ice and snow and such. Altho when i got home tonight, i floored it and cranked the wheel, spinning in my driveway just for the heck of it. haha... you can prolly guess my parents weren't home. |
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UGGGHHH!!! Sometimes I just hate my sister. She is such a miserly person, listless in all she does. Her malicious actions have marred my every attitude towards her. Sometimes, her lofty energy levels cause her to be obnoxious and she makes others miserable by being overbearing. And other times she is so lethargic that others have to be meticulous around her so they don't become depressed themselves. And then, sometimes her levity is protrayed at such innapropriate times that she should just be slapped. Living with her requires methodical strategies to avoid her being. If one is not careful, you may be caught in the mire of her enthusiasm towards life. lethargic= drowsy, dull levity=lightness listless=lacking in spirit or energy lofty=very high malicious=dictated by hatred or spite marred=damaged, disfigured methodical= systematic meticulous= excessively careful mire= entangle, stick in swampy ground miserly=stingy, mean |
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| wow... aeonity has really changed. im soo lost. lol!! |
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I love Bryan!! he is the best guy in the world and someday will make a lady very happy. He helped to make me feel better Friday night by inviting me over to watch Van Helsing with him. I miss him now that he's gone back to college. I wish Wartburg wasn't so far away. I love Andrea too! She's so smart. She knew that something was bothering me when i didn't wear any eye makeup to church this morning. The only time I don't wear eye makeup is when there is a chance I might start to cry. And indeed, I did cry some. She's having her own problems with Earl, but took time to listen to me. I love her soo much! |
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| dang... i just wanna cry right now cuz i got my homecoming pictures back and i can't even show you because my digitcal camera isn't working and i don't have a scanner. so maybe tomorrow i can bring them to school and scan them... |
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woohoo! 3 weeks! love you Mike! |
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I LOVE MIKE shhhhh... don't tell him yet! |
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| k thats just a random song... this entry is for michelle. i just got home from a varsity game. it was pretty sweet. i got to play cuz one of the Middle's hurt her ankel. woot! it was awesome. i almost peed my pants. i was sooo nervous! well gotta ruN! |
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wanna see my engagement ring?? it's gorgeous! tomorrow is gonna b so great with mike. reservations at 7:30! hair at, well whenever i feel like it!! Juniors rock!! |
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haha, jk... but yah im gonna study for english again... so see if you can read this. So i had a volleyball tournament yesterday. and after that i was supposed to work, i had an ARBITRARY time to be back at work. well the tournament went later than i had expected so i called my bos and had an ARDUOUS time trying to get back on time. The busride was kinda miserable...it was so ARID. We stopped at McDonalds on the way home, but the busdriver was too ARROGANT to order anything to eat because we were in such a hurry. But i guess if he wanted to be ASCETIC, thats his choice. The ASSESSMENT that i had made of the return time was fairly accurate. Not to be ASTUTE, but i was only 5 minutes off. I finally arrived at work and my boss emphasized that i had to be ARTICULATE in everything i did. There was a wedding reception so everything had to be perfect. As the night progressed, the intake of beer AUGMENTED and the kitchen turned into an ASYLUM!! ok, if you didn't catch some of those words, here ya go: ARBITRARY - Fixed or definite, imperious; tyrannical; despotic ARDUOUS - Hard; strenuous ARID - Dry; barren ARROGANCE - Pride; haughtiness ARTICULATE - Effective; distinct ASCETIC - Practicing self-denial; austere ASSESSMENT - Estimation ASTUTE - Wise; shrewd ASYLUM - Place of refuge or shelter; protection Augment - Increase |
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From Go-Quiz.com |
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When I was younger... I spent countless hours amidst this strip of trees I called my fort. I have four younger sisters, who also claimed this as a place to sneak cans of pop and candy bars out to. I had many adventures here and recently revisited it today. I took these pictures, so enjoy!! Here is the entrance to the Hallway. As you can see, there is spacious area to walk due to "Spring Cleaning" that I performed every time the branches grew out. There is also a well-trodden path created from the many times we walked through here.  Once inside, you can get a better view  As we pass through the Hallway, we come upon the great Apple Tree I fed my young children from (my sisters).  To the left of the Apple Tree, we enter the Living Room. This area is small, but cozy, and many memories were made here.  If you look closely, you can see a bucket hanging in the Living Room. It was crucial to hang our "Food" high in a tree to prevent the wild animals from getting to it.  To cook this Food and keep us warm on chilly nights, we had this adorable Fireplace.  Now of course, every fort needs something else... correct? So back off into the woods we go.  And behind door #1!! It's a Toilet!! Don't worry, we never used it!  We even have Toilet Paper!  Yes friends, Toilet Paper on a tree!  And of course, what would a Bathroom be without a Sink??  That's all Folks! |
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Last night was incredible!! Bryan had his going away party before he leaves for college. I got to his house around 8:00, well later actually and there were some really diverse people there but it kept things interesting. We stood around and talked for a while. Angela came... she loves to torment me about my love life, or lack thereof. Ryan rode with me because he didn't know where Bryan lived, so of course, when we walked to the school house together, Angela got all mushy and gave me the 20 question routine every time i'm seen with a male. lol. before the night was over, she accused me of being madly in love with Ryan, Trevor, Jonas, and Mike. Mike and I decided to put on a show for her. We cuddled up for part of the show and she went crazy!! it was hilarious. Amidst her bubbling of curiousity, we decided to quietly slip out of the schoolhouse and out to the campfire. That really got her going. She came out to "join us", of course she was spying on us. So we took the game a little further and we walked to his car together so he could "get his sweatshirt". We did have some things to talk about, so we took our sweet time. Man, Angela, lol she really got worked up then!! it was great. She's only 13 or 14!! *sigh* she makes me laugh. when i do get another boyfriend, the poor boy will have to endure Angela's wrath just to be with me!! lol. The night continued on and more people came. Earl drove Condined (a band put together from kids from our youth group) and their equipment out, so they put on their last show. *sniff* they're going to different colleges and won't be able to perform anymore together. it was an okay show. Chauncey had to play drumset because the other drummer already left the band. Overall, the party was a real success. I was really sad to see it end. There are many people there, who, that may have been the last time i saw them before they leave for college come the end of this week. Tenley and Kyrie are off to Wausau. Bryan to Iowa, Earl, Eric, Laura, and Natalie to Point. ummm... who else. well Jake will be staying home I suppose, until 2nd semester. Im going to miss them all. Earl, gave me a goodbye hug. I really hope that he comes to the football game Friday night, seeing that he doesn't leave until Saturday afternoon. I really need better closure before he's gone. The hug was good and all, he was wearing a sweatshirt *drools* and i really think it was heartfelt. But I wish we could sit down and have a conversation before he leaves. Oh well. Maybe some other time. Probably not. lol. I just know that I will miss him and that a part of my heart will forever be missing because he's still got a hold of it. |
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Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say, I love you even more this year, than last year on this day. My love for you will always grow, with every passing year." She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear. She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day. Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away. He always liked to do things early, way before the time. Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine. She trimmed the stems and placed them in a very special vase. Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face. She would sit for hours, In her husband's favorite chair. While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there. A year went by, and it was to live without her mate. With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate. Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before, The doorbell rang, and there were roses sitting by her door. She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock. Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop. The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain, Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain? "I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago," The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know. The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance. Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance. There is a standing order, that I have on file down here, And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year. There also is another thing, that I think you should know, He wrote a special little card... he did this years ago. Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here, that's the card that should be sent to you the following year." She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard. Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached To get the card. Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note. Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote... "Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone. I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome. I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real. Or if it was the other way, I know how I would feel. The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life. I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife. You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need. I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve. I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears. That is why the roses will be sent to you for years. When you get these roses, think of all the happiness, That we had together, and how both of us were blessed. I have always loved you and I know I always will. But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still. Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days. I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways. The roses will come every year, and they will only stop, When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock. He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out. But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him. and place the roses where we are, together once again. Sometimes in life, you find a special friend; Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop; Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. If I ever find a man who would do something as sweet as that for me, I don't know what I would do with myself. |
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wellllll... i decided to type out a new entry here. its been a while without looking up a song. idk what im talking about. moving on... volleyball practice is completely unenjoyable. I have nothing to work for. Yes i can improve myself. I'm not saying i'm going to stop pushing myself, there's just nothing to push for. I'm half Varsity. That's like owning half a goldfish. Not much fun. Yes, I get lots of playing time, on JV. On a team that probably won't have many wins because of an extreme case of ADD and a rather larger girl who is afraid to touch the floor in attempt to hit the ball. Good thing I'm decent at blocking. But it's gonna be rough. Tomorrow, our first tournament... well, it'll be interesting. Okay, so i don't have much to type about here... laters |