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sway 13 psychotic sufferings - Subscribe
Colorful, shiny lights attacking my eyes and smoke getting inside my lungs, bluring reality.
1...2...1...2...3...4...5..6... - 10....
Noise tearing my ears with earth-quakes.
Breathe... Breathe...
Silence.
And inside again. Mirrors and lose. Many people, but actually there were no one. A tragic heroine in a survival war boasting with her prestige mask collection.
It didn't hurt.
But now all of my body feels like it've been abused. Pictures relieving life, floating behind my eyes and it won't help... What can help when it's already too late? Sleep... Coma...
Too bad that I fell. I haven't seen what's infront of me, closed my eyes and tried to fly, but I gradually crashed, by rolling of the cliff into the abyss. It's always dark in here. Rays of light never reach these hidden places, and no sound will be ever heard above the ground.
I survived.
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Mood: free
Noise: Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus

sway Another lazy day Jun 23rd, 2006 8:42:12 pm - Subscribe
A smell of smoke and pop-corn fills my room and it makes me happy. I have food and I can eat whenever I want. Finally.

I spent all of my day watching anime, trying to understand the Japanese logic. Turned out that there's none. Japan seems like another planet to me.

I've got a new pack of pencils, so I can draw again. The simple joys of life.
I don't wanna live like a zombie anymore. To walk around without a face, not caring about anything. So my first step towards changing it was getting this pack of NO.2 pancils.

Still hanging..
2 Comments
Mood: eh
Noise: The Servant - Cells

sway My birthdate meaning Jun 24th, 2006 9:22:14 pm - Subscribe
Your Birthdate: November 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested.
You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them.
Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others.
You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself.

Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence

Your weakness: Suspicion of others

Your power color: Eggplant

Your power symbol: Spade

Your power month: October


What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
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Mood: tired

sway Last cigarette Jun 25th, 2006 12:13:46 am - Subscribe
Waisted another day on basicly nothing. I like it this way. The lazyness taking over me.

I have only 1 cigarette left, and all the stores are closed now, 3 AM. Sucks.
I think I'd better go to sleep soon. A night without any cigarettes isn't fun. I'll go buy some tomorrow (if lazyness won't strike).

I'm going to start with my new project soon, right after my 4 last exams. I'm going to build a web-site of my own. I will need help with ASP, hopefully I will find someone who'll help me. I've tried to learn it on my own with a book, but no luck. It's not HTML, he-he.

I can't wait. 19 days are left...
Hope they'll pass quick!
2 Comments
Mood: lazy
Noise: silence of the night

sway Is there any love on the needle? Jun 26th, 2006 4:57:36 pm - Subscribe
I know that no one will ever stay. Everybody will leave, leaving me another scar as a memory of them. All I've got are memories. Untouchable skys. Soft smiles which will remain in my longings. I will paint myself a heaven of hugs and kisses. I will wash away the pain.
I will leave, too. I promise.
2 Comments
Mood: 0
Noise: Antimatter

sway Not enough, never enough. Jun 27th, 2006 6:45:19 am - Subscribe
Sleepless nights come to me like bullets, tearing my flesh with the sharpness and speed of light. The memories kill me with their physical presence. They come in silence, braking each and every bone of my body. The pain breaks me, chills my body and soul. My inside screams, paralizing me.
My eyes are sore from the tears. They are the dirt inside me, coming out of my system. It's like being possessed by six demons at once. I shake and twist while the sky remains peaceful. The attacks make no change in nature. "Nothing is left remarkable beneath the visiting moon" says Shakespeare. This is so horrible. I am so young, yet I feel so tired and drained, like a 5000 year-old. This pure suffering washes any other feeling, any thoughts. Just STOP!
No colors, no shapes...
All the masks in my prestige collection fall from the shelf and shatter on the floor into small pieces of dust. I cannot hide.
1 Comments
Mood: horrible
Noise: Pearl Jam - Immortality

sway Going up Jun 29th, 2006 7:37:25 pm - Subscribe
Today I've made another step toward my reviving. My condition is getting better now, day by day. It really seems like I'm slowly getting out of this black hole that's eating me from the inside.
I've decided to get back on playing the guitar, after a whole year of barely touching it. Today I've baught an amplifier (spent 3 years without one). This is really a cause for celebration! Playing makes me feel like I'm alive, like I can do something beautiful. It's like painting sounds with my finguers, in pretty waves. The notes are embracing me with electric shocks: good, reviving shocks. This is something that I really love and abandoned. I abandoned myself along with everything that ever made me feel alive. I buried myself in the dirt, believing that this is where I belong.
The way up is tough, I know. But why do we always try to reach for the stars? Maybe it's worth it? I am giving myself another chance to breathe. I deserve this.

Wow. I cannot belive I just wrote it. Sounds soooo not like me. I still have mixed feelings about this working. Can't be real...

d-_-b
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Mood: hesitant
Noise: Culture Kultuer - The Only One

sway The things that make me smile Jun 30th, 2006 7:05:15 pm - Subscribe
Music is the cure for the soul.
Enjoying these days with...

My loyal friends:



And Germany is up for the semifinals.

~Sway
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Mood: electric
Noise: My guitar