Look at that face! I AM BORED!!!! Oh, and i fixed my webcam. The images used to be so staticky and stuff. So--yay!
If that does not prove how bored one can get--I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE DOES!!!!
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Okay--Not only is my friend Mia coming down in August, but I learned something for sure that just makes me want to go through a wall! This is like the moment when Ken Ichijouji and Daisuke Motomia get together in fanfiction. Only--we're not quite there yet. Yesterday, I was flirting with the idea of changing my hair color. My mom thinks that I should get highlights. I HATE highlights. Not only that, but my hair is bugger blonde! B0oger Blond3! I would have been nice with my mom and just gone with a dark shade of brown. But--NO!. . . . so . . . . yeah. heh. She only wants highlights. But I HATE them. I should do Wine Red. That was a nice color. Then again, she threatens to rip my hair out if I do dye it. Then AGAIN, she said she'd do that if I cut my hair. *sigh* Ya soshla s uma!!! Mne nuzha ona. . . I like this song, and yes, I am loosing my mind--I do need her. *sigh* I don't care if this is a techno version, it ROCKS! |
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Look at that face! I AM BORED!!!! Oh, and i fixed my webcam. The images used to be so staticky and stuff. So--yay! If that does not prove how bored one can get--I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE DOES!!!! |
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I hate my uncle. He is stupid, fat, broke, and all around not that nice of a guy. Yet, he still thinks my mom should give him money. So, he called up, asking if my mom was home, she wasn't, so he said he'll stop by tomorrow to drop off HIS rent and pick up "some" money for a bus card. He doesn't work. He doesn't need a bus card. He doesn't go anywhere. I told my mom to get him the bus card just to see his face. Well, anyways, he came TODAY. He has this habit of checking out the backyard, so, he put the garbage cans in the back. I heard this and realized that the inner door was open. Oh no. (he only has one of the two keys, and the one he doesn't have was the one that was opened.) So, I turned off my music, ran down the stairs, shut the door and locked it--all almost in one move! Now, the living room is by the hallway, and there is a porch. There are windows showing the porch, but the TV and bookcase block them. You can still look around, but not a lot. I decided to hide in the corner. So, he's banging on the door, calling me names. He is stupid, so, he thinks outloud. I thought, silently, it isn't such a smart idea to sit by the window, so I move closer to the TV. That is the exact moment he chooses to check through the windows. WHO IS GOOD?!?!?! Oh yeah! So, I'm like, "oh shit, what if he can see me--ohmygawd--I don't wanna put up with him." In the end--there was sucess. Saweet! |
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I want to scream, and I think I will. My How would you go about telling someone that you like them when you aren't sure they swing that way? Like, she seems so unsure of herself. Hell, even I'm unsure about myself. I was just thinking of kissing her and watch her reation. If she slaps and kills me, then so be it. It's over--and so is our friendship. Hell, even Fuhk. Oh well. If my ex-boyfriend breaks up with his girlfriend, I think I'll give that another shot. He's talking as if it's almost over between them, and I still feel something for him. I just better remind myself to not get too attached to him. Maybe I should make a post-it note about it, add it to the large amount on the back of my door. Oh well, my friend, Amy is leaving for Texas tomorrow. We don't want her to go, but her parents have been wanting to do this for a long time, now. I wanted to see her goodbye, but I don't love her enough to wake up at four in the morning, walk across town, and say good-bye. I think I said it enough in the times I've seen her. I've been inspired to write, so I must go. Please, if you can, help me with my situation revolving the friend that doesn't exactly swing that way. I'm running out of ideas. Do you think talking to someone who is both friends with her and me will help. Maybe if they say something to her, she'll be more willing to come around. |
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I want to mess around with this template a little. Maybe I'll make a banner or something. Today was uneventful. Mia said she wouldn't be coming down this weekend, but she said she'd try to before school started. The words bullshit lies streamed across my mind, but I don't really care. I realized that I am like every other teenaged girl. Considering I am always yelling at Destiny for her eating disorders and telling her she is fine and doesn't have to starve herself, I found myself thinking such a stupid thing while looking at myself in the mirror. I weigh a healthy 134, I think, and that is good for my height, but I didn't like how I looked. Maybe it was because I ate the standard three meals a day. Normally I don't eat all three meals, but I did for a bunch of days. My problem isn't my eating habits. I don't want to think, "if I don't eat a lot, this'll go away," because that is completely stupid. I've always had fat on my thighs and stomach, no matter how much I eat or didn't eat. (Petty fat that I shouldn't even care about.) I should work out, or something. I'm sure that'll make me feel better. It's not like I wear skirts and halter tops--baggy shirts and loose jeans make up my attire. This shouldn't even be bothering me! Whatever. I bet that if I mentioned this to Dest, she'd be like, "you're not fat." Maybe I will mention this to her, because then I can turn around and say, "well, neither are you." What is she, 120 something? All she does is starve herself. I'm getting worked up again. Damn. Oh well. .... hm .... |
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If anyone is familiar with Digimon Fanfiction, then this will make some sense to you. There is this one story I have been working on, but I am not really happy with it. I don't know why. It is an abortive Ken Ichijouji and Kari Kamiya relationship that I worked on. It's finished and ready to go, but I just don't want to post it. The one person that I have beta read most of my stories would be pleased with it, because the situation Kari is in has to do with her. I don't want to send it to her, because I don't know if she'll notice. I didn't mean to write it about her--I swear. But, in the end, I looked at it and was like, "damn my mind." Kari was assulted, and she doesn't want to go to the cops. Ken wants her to, but doesn't want to push her, and he can't force her to press charges. Also, in another one of my stories, Ken doesn't want to tell the cops who ambushed him, but Davis Motomia wants him to. I just noticed that popping up in most of my fics. Someone afraid of going to the cops. Damn--shit--fuck--whore! I want to post it!!! GAH! |
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Whoosh. I edited everything, and in the end. . . . I realized that I hated the image on top. I'd put me up there, but I don't think you'll want to see that. I'm wondering how I can change it so that if you have ONE comment, you can have it say what ever makes you happy. Like, with xanga, I had a re-word code and that worked fine, but I don't know how well that would work here. Hmm. Because I can't be Fooled 1 times. Not only is that WRONG but one should be spelled out. GAH! I realized that I am addicted to Fanfiction and Ken Ichijouji this morning. This struck me when I was browsing the web, and I got four emails telling me my favorite story in the whole world was updated. That mean FOUR MORE CHAPTERS! This brought tears to my eyes because that story, Snapshots, if one of the most beautiful Ken Ichijouji and Miyako Inoue stories out there! Oh.My.Gawd. I need a life. Be Obscene! Be-be Obscene! I want Icecream! |
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Wrong. My grand father--the one who gave me enough money to go to harvard for one semester--passed away. My uncle called, and the only reason why he'd call is to tell us something bad or to check up every five or so years. This is a good uncle, from my father's side. I felt nothing when I learned that he passed away. I've only seen him a couple of times, none of which I remember. Though, I do remember seeing him sometime when I was three. That was probably when he came for my father's funeral or something like that. He was 90, a great grandfather, ran a good business, married twice. I'd say he lived well. It just bothers me on how I felt nothing when I heard about his death. When a family friend died, I cried, I wondered why--felt some pain upon hearing of her death, but when my own relatives pass away, I feel nothing. He is going to be buried on Wednesday. My mom wants to go down, but can't stand flying. I would like to go, see some family again, listen to their interesting lives. . . Then again, who doesn't like to Florida She checked out some of the airport times, and one of them that is for tomorrow seemed interesting. She wanted to help out with the funeral. What makes me feel WORSE is that I didn't want to miss the event we had for marching band. I don't think we're going, though. My mom really can't miss any more work, and they are getting swamped. . . . . yayness. . . . My uncle told me something interesting. My father used to play the drumset. That's interesting. I want to ask him if he has any pictures of my father. This one picture I had was one of him holding me when I was two, and we were at a family reunion. It was stolen, along a picture of my mother and father and $40. Those were the only pictures I had. Maybe I'll email him, or something. Whoosh. . . . I should sign offline. . . Oh well. Maybe not. I still never posted that story. heh |
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Yesterday was awsome. The Iowa Bugle and Drum Corp used Belleville High School to practice and sleep in. The basically practice in the nude--but they are fricken awsome. It was cool to watch them practice. They were also able to get us into Giant Stadium to watch the competition for free. How nice! Watching a Marching Band Competiton is a lot more fun than actually being in one. The Marines band was good, but I think the Cadets are good. The Colts--the band that used the school--were good, too! When we were watching them in sectionals, I had to drop down to my knees and worship them. The whole thing was cool. When I get pictures, I'll show you some. The competition will be broadcasted on Sept 6 or 16th--I forgot which one--on ESPN2. Well, I have t go clean. See ya! |
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I sometimes wonder about my generation. You preach about how fucked up your life is, wanting things to change and things to get better--but you won't do shit about it. That just makes me want to yell and curse and hit something. Boo-hoo--my parents don't like me. Boo-hoo--my life sucks. Boo-hoo--my boyfriend cheated on my with my best friend. Boo-hoo--my medication ran out. Go do something about. Maybe I'm not one to say anything. So, sure, when I was on my anti depressants, I had my fair share of suicide attempts and moods--but fucking get over it. Scarred for life--Well, go to the fucking cops! And, yes, I'm talking about you, daatreyu. Go to the cops with what you said that boy did, don't go blaming it for your depression. |
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"Don't go blaming my brother molesting me when I was younger for my depression?! ARE YOU FUCKIN' RETARDED?!?!?! What would you do if someone who is supposed to be there for you molested you?! I can't go to the cops because I'm scared of them too. No one will believe me if I asked for help. My mom found out about a letter I had written to one of my friends about it... she didn't believe it at all. Do you know how hard this life is? I doubt you do unless it happened to you too. So shut the fuck up and quit tellin' me what to do. I'm not here to get advise on what to do. I'm here to hear a nice word. Most of us are. So don't go fuckin' things up more than they already are by doing shit like that! Cops don't help no one. Cops are stuck up pricks who just want to put people away. (that's why I'm not with my ex bf >_>;. And don't you fuckin' Boo-hoo me, bitch. I'm strong enough to handle the hell I'm going through right now, crying every few days and letting off my steam in an entry on Aeonity is part of how I do it. Fuckin' get a life, and stop ruining mine." http://www.lawlink.nsw.gov.au/lawlink/bocsar/ll_bocsar.nsf/vwFiles/cjb33.pdf/$file/cjb33.pdf PDF on child neglect http://spaz.ca/aaron/billious/RCYS/ Getting over sexual abuse http://www.sasian.org/guide/aguide_en.htm A parent's guide to sexual abuse between siblings http://www.verbalabuse.com/2.shtml Impact of verbal abuse http://www.focusas.com/Abuse.html General page on child abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse. If you need help or have questions about child abuse, call the Childhelp USA® National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) then push 1 to talk to a counselor. It's free, even if you use a payphone. http://www.wingofmadness.com/articles/teens1.htm#treatment Going about getting help for depression I am seriously tired of traveling around blog communities and reading people talk about their pains, doing nothing more than venting about it. Do something about it. Don't let it fade and eat away at your emotional health. I've watched family members vanish because they didn't want to live, friends have to get their stomach pumped and system flushed because their friend's empty words of love and help, and people talk about such serious things. |
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http://a425.v8384d.c8384.g.vm.akamaistream.net/7/426/8384/3b858b51/mtvrdstr.download.akamai.com/8512/wmp/0/24344/27300_1_9_05.asf Good song, I recomend it. Ya soshla s uma/Я сошла с ума/I've Lost My Mind. Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona YA SO-SHLA S U-MA Menya polnostyu net Absolyutno vser'ez Situastsiya help Situastsiya SOS Ya sebya ne pojmu Ty otkuda vzyalas Pochemu, pochemu? Na tebya povelas Vyklyuchaestsya svet Ya keuda - to lechu Bez tebya menya net Nichego ne khogu Eto medlennyj yad Eto svodit s uma A oni govoryat - vinovata sama A oni govoryat - vinovata sama Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona YA SO-SHLA S U-MA MNE NU-ZHA 0-NAAAA Bez tebya ya ne ya Bez tebya menya net A oni govoryat Govoryat eto bred Eta solnechnye yad Zolotye luchi A oni govoryat Nado srochno lechit Ya khotela zabyt do upora I vniz Ya schitala stolby I Rusteryannykh ptits Bez tebya menya net, otpyasti otpyasti Do ugla po stene mama-papa prosti... Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona Raz, dva posle pyati Mama papa prosti Ya so-shla s u-ma Raz, dva posle pyati Mama papa prosti Ya so-shla s u-ma Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma... Sing to your heart's desire! I must go an type some more! Maybe eat some ICE CREAM! See ya! Taty's new album to be released in October!!!! |
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I got bored--took some quizes--got some funny results. heh. |
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I think I set myself up for a trap yesterday. I was watching 13 yesterday, and my mom decided to join me. Just--let me leave it at that. I am a hypocrite. I can yell at Destiny all I want, try to help people 'til my eyes bleed, but when I am alone and feeling it, I do stupid things. The overwelming urge to cut myself came back, and I resisted for . . . about. . . twenty seconds. I got up and looked myself in the mirror. The whole reason I was like this was because I have not kept one friend close, nor they have to me. When I looked at myself, I realized that nobody would ever. I have this pincoushin filled with pins from an 8th grade project. When I went to reach for it, there were webs around it, that's how long it's been. I couldn't go through the layers of skin. Hell, I barely drew blood. Yay self determination? Oh well. Then, I wanted to call "the person" and just cry into their voicemail, telling them how I felt for them, devising ways to make sure they would never see me again if feelings were not exchanged and how stupid I was. Thank GOD the phone was downstairs and my cell was dead. I do stupid things when I'm emotional. heh. |
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I fucking hate my computer. It's just what I need to piss me off. It doesn't occur to my mom that I need a new mattress. You know, it's only 10 years old, why would I need a knew one? Oh, I wake up every two hours. It might as well be a fucking table. But, no, I don't need a new one. I only had it since I was four! You know what I hate? When she comes home and yells at me for the stupidest reasons ever. I know she had a bad day, but does she have to yell at me because what she wanted didn't come in the mail? Yesterday, the mail came late. When I checked it, there was nothing, so I figured it wasn't going to come. Then, she flat out yells at me because the mail came late and she had to bring it in. She was like, "if you don't start doing shit, I'll kick your ass out." No, I didn't clean up the kitchen, bathroom, my room. I didn't put away the clothes and iron her uniform for today. So, I started to empty the dishwasher. I was putting the utensils away, and I was debating on what I should shove the knife through. It was a close match between her cellphone and my hand. I used my better judgement and stabbed the plastic bottle in the sink. All she was going to do was go watch the fucking TV and get drunk--fucking again. But not a lot, she's working today. What ever. I wish she would kick me out. I hate her. I wish my father was alive instead. Maybe things would be different. The new banner is of muah when I was two, a little before I was three. Around December. We were down in Virginia with family. When Christmas came around, I got sick and the only thing I would eat was fruit. That's what my father's brother told me. Oh well. See ya! |
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The Sims 2 is the best game ever. I have to admit that it has been taking me away from the real world, but it keeps me happy. (Who doesn't like playing god?) Well, I was playing with my Ichijouji family (the same Ichijouji from digimon) and I was playing around with a the inSIMinator mod I downloaded. I wondered what would happen if you killed someone that was already dead. Hn. So, Ken was trying to save Osamu again. He lost to the grim reaper, and I got an error message about the Grim Reaper. Afterwards, he turned around and this little message popped up.  . . . . okay? So, then the Grim Reaper walked to the couch, turned on the T.V., and began to watch a football game. Yolei and Kari joined him, having a small conversation. After a few real world minutes, he got up and vanished.  Saywha? I wanna kill some other people that are already dead and see if the same thing happens. Later, I'll go to modthesims2.com and see if it happened to anyone else. Maybe figure out what that thing meant. . . . Yesterday I went to the carwash and helped out with the money. Heh. I got a bit of a sunburn, but it was fun. Afterward, around 7, I went to Viki's and we watched Blazing Saddles. Good movie! I told my mother on how I wanted to be a Social Worker and I didn't get much of a response, which is good! Better than I thought! heh. Today, my mother and I went out to dinner. For once, we had a nice day out. Yesterday and today would be considered good days. Yay!! |
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SAVE ME!!!!!!!! GAH!!!!!!!!! I'M SO BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRR!! After Thursday, my soul will be sold. Band Camp starts, and there goes my free time. Yay. . . . . . so. . . . I'M SO BORED!!!!!!!!!!! [edit] You know what I noticed. . . . my eyes are like a dull olive color. They've changed color since last year. My eyes WERE blue. Blue Blue/grey Grey/blue Grey/green/blue Grey/Green Green/yellow? It'd be friggen awsome if my eyes turned yellow! Like a cat or the sun! Awsome!  . . . . .yes, I am that bored right now. |
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Is that good? Bad? Neutral? How the fuck should I know? I think his eyes were a greyish blue, but that is only because of the one picture I have of him. This is really bothering me. I don't know why, it just is. MY EYES ARE GREEN! GREEN! THEY WERE BLUE!! WHY?!? GAH! *sigh* Hell, my hair used to be blonde. Now it's b00ger blonde! *sigh* I'm just really bored. . . . heh. . . |
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http://www.friendtest.com/viewquiz.php?account=lovesovereign No lie. I googled my popular user name, LoveSovereign, and saw a friend test I set up a long time ago. I failed.... with a 55 out of 100. This just proves that I don't even know myself. My mother is funny when she is drunk--sometimes. Last night, she woke me up around 11:30 and was like, "Download the Microsoft patch!" "Why?" "There's a worm." "Another one?" "Can you download it now?" "I'll do it in the morning." "Can you do it now?" "I'd prefer to download the thing when I am awake, good night." "Can you download it now?" (I couldn't find it, so I still haven't downloaded it. But, if I stayed signed online all day, I can say that it took forever and she can't get mad. Booya! IM ME!!!!! LoveSovereign. I'll be on all day!!! Yay!)  What Type of Villain are You? mutedfaith.com. |
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I actually posted a chapter for one of my fics. Seriously. No lie. I posted something. *sigh* Oh wells. . . if you wanna read it, go to http://www.fanfiction.net/~lovesovereign and look for Destiny. Nicely named, huh? |