Well, I'm involved in fanfiction. Yesterday, I left a not so nice review, which I admit was more of a hate comment, but, it got to the point. quote: He replied with: quote: I answered with: quote: He responded with: quote: I smashed him over the head with: quote: He threatened with: quote: I ended with ... something that hasn't been CC yet. Basically, I said that if fanfiction.net comes back with me being wrong, I'd apologize. Either way, I said what I said because I wanted to. Welcome to ff.net, and American site, biatch. Well, not the biatch part. lolz. |
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I was looking back at my archive, filling in time. Some of the things amazed me. Things that happened years ago happened three months ago. I'm thinking of deleting them. Maybe only the bad parts. I see no wrong in getting rid of the good parts of my life. My EKG came back yesterday. I needed it for therapy and my treatments. I was also told my "diagnosis." Turns out that I have Ectopic heartbeat, which was fine... I guess. The Social Worker said that it doesn't need treatment, so that's cool. After the evaluation, Dr. Dhaibar says that I have some childhood anxiety disorder/problem. I forgot the words exactly, but it means that I have angst. lolz. So, that was Yesterday and the day before. Yay for me. |
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Truths are dragged into the spot light as the compulsive liar can't keep up with her lies. Is she willing to loose her friends over it? Does she even care that she is tearing everyone apart? Tune in next episode of the degrassi spin off. |
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I feel used. It makes my stomach hurt thinking about it. Erik is sorta talking to me now. I guess he just really has nothing else to do. He asked me to hang out last night, but had to cancel because his car broke down. I beleive him, because his car is a pos. He called me around 11pm and asked me if I wanted to hang out today. I guess his car started working again, because he was at my house pretty early. So, I spent most of the day with him, just hanging out and talking about nothing. His friends stopped by, and they threatened to call child protection services. It's a joke with them, considering there's a pretty big gap between our ages. Like, six years. It's not like we were getting frisky or anything like that, it's just kinda odd. He's one of the best friends that I have, and I do feel close to him. He's like my link to the real world. Proof that this whole world isn't as insane as Belleville. So, yeah. I kicked his ass in video games! I always did. Today was no different |
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it feels like I'm in middle school. Passing notes back and forth, talking about people in science class, making fun of our man/woman principal .... those were the days .... I need a social life. A better one. One that has me having plans with people. With people who don't come with restrictions and I can just hang out. Erik is leaving...... again. He's going to move out to where his father is. He got accepted into some college in NM. Good for him, I guess. No therapy this week. So, a thrusday night to myself. yay. |
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Since the juniors are being tested, all the other classes get to go in a little later. Of course, since I go to the least organized school ever (they're motto is We'll Wing It), it started much later than expected. MJ's sweet sixteen is on Sat. and it snuck up on me. I went with Viki to dress shop. Everything was a joke, and it was funny. I got a black dress that is really "cute." It makes me want to put a ribon in my hair. Dest tried explaining things to me. Mostly on the part that she has been a victim of bad timing. I heard a lot of finger pointing, "Well, because of Tom..." "He made me beleive..." "He would ...." I would have liked to hear "I'm sorry." My favorite was "I didn't want to hurt him." Not once did I hear the reason as to why she didn't want to be up front with me in the first place. She'd tell me one thing, then do another.... and I don't get that. The whole, "Tom proposed to me, but I ran away," was thrown out the window when she accepted. That is how quickly things can change... how quickly a truth can turn into something ugly. My therapist told me that I need to find a friend who can just be a friend. Where I can turn to them for help and they are willing to do the same thing back. It sounds easy, but it isn't. For a long time, Dest was my connection to Fenris, to all the people I know. I told her once that I don't keep friends for long. After a while, it's like we don't know each other. It happened with Mia, Amanda, Chris, Jenifer, Stefania, Jared... I had a dream .... it was odd. Erik was over my house, and we were just hanging out. But, then my mom came home, and he had to leave. But before he did, I kissed him. Afterwards, I managed to sneak him out the front door? I don't know how that works out, but the dream left me confused. Oh well, I got school. So, I got to go. Bye |
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Yesterday was MJ's sweet sixteen. It was fun and there was a lot of food, so you know that I had fun. CADeD performed sans one, and Andrew sang for MJ. He might as well ask her out. I brought my camera, but guess what.... I left the memory card in the computer. *stoopid!* There was a lot of line dances ..... I'm guessing it's an Asain thing... iono. I think one person just started and everyone else just followed. It was freaky. We got lost on the way to the "god forsaken place," as my mom would like to call it. It took us an HOUR to get there, but only 20 minutes to get back. We missed the exit THREE TIMES! I was about to cry. It was a bunch of fun, though. Mary Ann looked beautiful in ALL of her dresses. The cake rocked, too.... sooooooooooo........ yeah. |
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Sexy game. Way better than I had thought. Yesterday, I was at Costco. I had a $20 rebate check, and saw the game for $31. SCORE! Anywho. I thought the game would have been bad. I mean, who the hell cares about running a shop in your basement? I found out that I was wrong. Oh-so-very wrong. Okay, so it's set up like this. You go to the phone, click on Bussiness, and start one. You can also buy a community lot and use that one also. I haven't worked up to -that- yet. You can hire workers, or sell your soul for a robot. THE ROBOT IS THE BEST ITEM FROM THIS EXPANSION!! That have emotions, they can love, aspire to do things, sell things, work the cash register. They're awesome. They are like sims, but you don't have to feed them or anything like that. They are solar powered and only require attention. Back to the store ... You can sell anything that you can buy, make, or even think about. You can't sell a Sim, though. I tried. You can earn skills related to selling, or even a badge. From what I understand, the Badge is something that shows how good someone can be. With the badge comes certain skills, skills that can help sell something, or better your service. Like, if you're a hairdresser, you earn better skills. I noticed a few bugs. Even though I had all my custom content disabled, it still had some roaches. Like, one house, instead of the crystal above their head, a box was hovering about their waste?! I don't know if it was a download that somehow leaked through or something, but that bothered me. It can be fixed through a patch, though, so I'm not worried. Also, with the home business, I don't like people exploring the house and eating my damn food...... those bastards. I didn't like that at all. I only want them going through the door and to my stuff, not wondering around the living room.... ------------------- Overall, this game is addicting. I played for hours straight yesterday, and didn't want to stop ... that... is.... awesome. |
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I had a bad night last night. Me and my mom were going toward another fight, like the last one. I just ended it before it got that far. I was upset, and I thought about calling Chris. I need to put some space between me and Chris. I think I'm getting too attached to someone with a girlfriend. And it hurts. |
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Today was an overall bad day. I didn't hear my alarm, and had very little time to get ready. The thoughts about what I told Chris were on my mind; the fact that Erik was moving not that long from now was right behind that. Me and my mom weren't getting along. I couldn't concentrate in school. I did think to "hurt" myself, as every fuckard put it, but I know by now that thinking isn't as bad as wanting. With me, there is a huge difference. I guess that is the problem. In period 10, we had nothing to do, so I had my head on the desk with my headphones one. Mr. Ross was like, "Pick you head off the desk or go to the nurse." I opted for guidance. They guided me right out of the school. My mom is even more mad at me now that she was before. So, I had another evaluation with Dr. Dhaibar. He put me on anti-depressants. I can't remember what kind. I told him that I didn't want to, but he thinks that it will work. |
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So, yeah ... Saturday was a fundraiser for the Marching band. That was okay. My arm still hurts from carying trays.... Today, I had therapy with Dhaibar. I don't like him all that much. He stares at me, expecting me to start talking abount nothing, and when he stares, he smiles, and when he smiles, he makes me feel like a lunatic. Don't say anything .... So, yeah. The good thing is that I wont have to see him until April 12th. Unless stupid me goes to guidance... yeah, right. |
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I was about to ask this kid out, but then he started talking about another girl he wanted to see. Perfect fucking timing.... |
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Yep. Me is sad. Two people may be leaving. One definately is leaving. The other I have no idea about. It still makes me sad. |
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Yeah, well, not really. I hung out with Erik all afternoon. I'm going to see him tomorrow, but it was good just to be with him. He is a friend that doesn't hide anything from me, and he is a friend that I don't have to hide anything from. But, he is moving on Tuesday. I think that is really early. But, he wants to get settled in his dad's place and all that junk. So, we went to a mall. I forgot which one. We ate, talked, hung out, and it was fun. Yeah .... sooooo ......... I'm getting another cell phone. Mine is a little buggy, and we have a year warrenty on it. I should have thought to look at those cellphone booths at the mall for a cable to hook up the phone to the computer. I still have pictures from Disney World and some pictures and videos from my ex, chris. They're funny and good memories. yep. yep. Well, I got to go. Nanny 911 is on. |
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Today and yesterday were bad days. Mood wise, I was great. But, going away parties are sad. mind you, my ass was infront of the computer a good amount of the time. But, there was nothing for me to really do. I'm not a dancer. And that is what they did. Sadness was today. He called and said his goodbyes 'cause I won't be seeing him over the week .... I was like, awww, stop making me cry. All was good, though. He said he'd email me his new address when he gets there, so maybe I'll send him a letter or something..... iono ..... yyyyeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh |
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I feel outside of everything. Like I'm not wanted, like I don't deserve my friends. Lately, I've been spending time with my friends, but it doesn't make me feel like a good person. It doesn't make me feel like I am their friend. I don't know why or even how to explain. I just don't. I had a small minor slip up this morning on the top of my hand. I told whoever asked that I was playing with my cat, and they beleived me. I don't want to call the therapist 'cause I don't want to get busied by all of the nonsense. I think I may call a hotline. I just feel completely unwanted. Even here, on aeonity, sometimes. I thought about leaving, but I'd feel the same no matter what. __________________ A close friend asked me out. But if I could find something in me to accept her, then I would go for it. I'm too tied up right now with my feelings and bagage. I wouldn't want to do that to her. She wouldn't even see it coming..... _____________________ LoveSovereign [5:21 P.M.]: I don't know ... LoveSovereign [5:22 P.M.]: I would wish to have someone in my life that would love me, but I don't have that right now ... LoveSovereign [5:22 P.M.]: I'm waiting for him to break up with his girlfriend. |
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I don't know what is wrong with me. I want to put myself out there for people to get to know me, but I withdraw. I did it all today, and I hated myself for it. I don't know why everything I want hurts someone else. Maybe this is SIms 2 withdrawal. iono. lolz. |
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Lord forbid they open their lazy fucking eyes. I never want to send a package through them again. They don't have communication with their trucks. Did you know that? They don't. And they don't keep multiple packaged together. They're staff can't look for a fucking paper with a signature on it. Nor can they use common sense. Next time i'm paying the extra for FedEX or DHL. This is just what I need to piss me the fuck off. |
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Is there anyone here that has AOL's new highspeed connection? I have a feeling that my mom will agree to that, but I want to find out more information for her. Is what they advertise the Dial-up broad band? The Comcast/AOL broad band? Or do they finally have their own boradband? |
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Him [5:28 P.M.]: i miss you already awwwwwwww.... I was asked out. I met him once before through Destiny. But, now we're talking and really getting along. He asked me if I wanted to see a movie with him next weekend. He's a boyscout, and he's going on a camping trip. I'm not afraid of him, and what I may do wrong. He is a perfect gentleman. He makes me feel better about myself. I thought about him all day in school. He just has me caught up in him right now. I hope we are better friends and make these dates regular. |