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I got, maybe, a total of four hours, and that is me being generous. I almost passed out in gym, and I don't think I can stand another night of itchyness and tossing and turning. I may just loose my mind. So, yeah. Buh byes! |
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I think I am the only person happy to find a drug that will help my itch and cause sleepyness. . . . . .Maybe I will get FIVE hours of sleep! I think this thing is working. . . thank GOD! So, t-yeah. If I don't get enought sleep today (enough being more than five hours) I'm not going to school. I almost passed out twice. Once in Gym and once in Band. Those are the only two classes where I have to stand, so, that is probably why. Okay, so, yeah |
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In the NJ Star Ledge, the sports section featured an article on Belleville's football team. Basically, they slammed us for our loosing streak and our misplacement in the wrong Division. Kevin Manahan even goes on saying that the Teaneck band slammed us. "It's not enough that they're beating us 35-0, I guess," Fischer says later. He doesn't notice that all night long, the tiny Belleville band, constantly drowned out by Teaneck's, is taking a beating, too." Star Ledger Only if he understood the levels to a marching band. If you want to read the whole terrible article, go to: http://www.nj.com/hssports/football/ledger/index.ssf?/base/sports-0/113108493828520.xml&coll=1&thispage=1 Stupid, ignorant, foolish, mean, unintelligent, poor excuse for a man! |
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Guess WHAT!??!? Belleville Football WON!!! 25-20!!! OMG! Maybe the article was the slap in the face the team needed. So, yeah. I saw history in the works! Though, I don't know if this is a one time thing. If they beat Nutely, then they have my never ending support. So, yeah, that was fun. Except, our own fans were throwing these little footballs (these things the cheerleaders give out) at the band, and Mr. Haase was about to throw a fit. Well, he was about to throw one of the kids, if he found them, into the field and start pelting them with the little footballs. YAYNESS! And I bet they're gonna get a parade, or something. The Band can be champions of the world, we get a small announcement in the morning news. The Football team can win 1 game, and they get their greatest wishes taken care of. |
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Reigonals: Check States: Check All-states: Check We won, last night, and this year, we are not Co-Champions. We are the proud, defending, Champions! HOW HOT IS THAT?!?! We're the band other bands are like, "Wow, it's Belleville," and they begin to worry and wonder. It used to be Ridge, but now, that is us! OMG If you wanna see the performances of the season, go to http://homepage.mac.com/jwrezz/Belleville/Menu32.html We have 6 First place trophies, 1 second, and 22 Caption/Overall awards. HOW CAN I NOT BOAST! . . . . . .We would have been undefeated, though, if it wasn't for the standstill show we had, but the other band, Lakewood, was really good, I mean, WOW, so, they deserved it. But only by .33 of a point. grr. This is awesome. . . . so, yay! I have off all this week. The Water Main broke, the teachers want their contract, and then again, they're off to a convention, so, yeah. heehee YAYNESS! |
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Just 'cause one Jedi handles a lightsaber badly doesn't mean the entire Order should put down their swords. Someone said that to me about homosexuality in society and how God views gay people, and I laughed my ass off. That is one reason why I don't like religion. Homosexuality was perfectly fine until Christianity came along and ruined it all. . . . sheesh. . . . And, I'm not knocking anyone who is Christian, 'cause I know you all have your own views. I'm just talking about the whole "system" in general. It bothers me one how a book can have one line in it saying that "Man shall not lie with man" and we have all this trouble now-a-days. Jean, this boy in my school (in my english class) is openly gay, and has a boyfriend, another friend of mine. All the crap he has to put up with just makes me worry and angry at how society is. I don't know. It just bothers me. |
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I miss the redness of Aeonity. . . . . *sniff*
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The itchyness. I'm going to scratch my way to hell if this keeps up. And my mother . . . . oh.mi.gawd. I don't know why she's been in this mood for the past week, but I guess she has to take to out on me. Lord Forbid I ask her if we can get this checked out. 'Cause, you know, I only spend half the fucking night scratching my fucking leg, or arm, or stomach. I bet I got whatever I have from her, 'cause she had the same thing going on with her not that long ago. She also took out her frustrations from that on me then, too. It's probably scabies or some other crap like that. The universe knows how much I hate bugs, so lets just have them burrow into my skin all day long. |
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This week, we had off of school. Between the teachers not having a contract, the water main, mayor stuff, and a teacher's convention, there wasn't that much room for actual school work. Yay, I guess. If I didn't have my music, I probably would have lost my mind. Oh, that--and Sims 2. |
Speaking of religion (not really), my uncle stopped by. This is my father's brother. He was with his girlfriend and visiting her family in Nutely (next town over) and choose to stop by. They're flying to Greece. Oh joy! Well, he showed me pictures of my cousin's kids (his grandkids) and told me how everyone was doing. Tomorrow, my grandfather would be turning 91 if he didn't pass away a couple of months ago. Yeah, and mmy grandmother is giving up driving, 'cause she's going into her 80s soon. Aparently, mentally, she isn't doing so well, and my uncle thinks that her time will be coming soon. Other than that, everyone is just peachy. So, yeah. Apparently, I look like a Fisher. I don't know how that is, all I know is that I look like my father when he is drunk when I smile. Also, I learned something new. My father was BLONDE! *looks at wedding pictures* *he has black/darkbrown hair* SCORE! heehee. |
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Okay, so, you know that sexy new computer I was talking about? You know, the one I managed to make over three entries about? Well, I finally got around to installing Sims 2 on it, and it is SEXY! Omg! I mean, I have NEVER seen the game look like this. Also, I have never seen the game crash like this, either. So, yeah. I mean, I was able to play with the details on high, the effects on, and all that lovely stuff. I HAVE CINEMATIC!! OMG! I didn't even know my game was capable of such things! And then it crashed. The stupid driver for my frucking graphics driver had to be updated. This better solve it, 'cause I can't even think about getting a new video card for this NEW PC!!!! NEW! BRAND SPANKIN' NEW! So, yeah. I also can't go back to such crappy game play that I once lived with. I'll take a picture or something when I get it back up and running. And, I'll do a little before and after! heehee! OMG! So, yeah. Yay! |
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I haven't written in a while, mostly 'cause I haven't felt like and that there isn't much to talk about. With Mock Trial, I didn't make the team, but Mr. Ross still wants people to work with the team to help. So, that should be great. Err. . . . . The marching band season is just about over. Yay for free time! Uhhh. . . . . My lovely message from God telling me that I am better off dead has not gone away. Hell, people think that it is eczema (spelling?) and I am not sure. It isn't chicken pox, nor is it shingles. Of course, I will never know, because my mom REFUSES TO LET ME SEE A DOCTOR! And choosing refuse as a word is not harsh. Apparently, I brought this onto myself. It isn't my room. I've changed the sheets, sprayed that matress with disinfectant until I couldn't breathe, vacumed the rug, dusted that room, wtf! Miserable! No lie, I am miserable. I can't sleep. I have scratched up and down my leg. I look like Dest when she turned her leg into her very own suicide rag back in the summer. Jeez! I hope one of my scratches gets an infection. I'll go through that--just so I can get HELP!!! HELLO)!?!?!?! @#^& |
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I saw Harry Potter yesterday. It was great, and I loved it! I almost cried, but with me, that doesn't say much. The sad thing is that they left out a lot with the Harry Potter and Dark Lord duel. Also, no Doby. I don't know if that is a bad thing, but still. It's good to have him in the back of your mind in case the stupid idiots who didn't read the book forget for movie five. Yesterday I bought a book. "Cutting" by Steven Levenkron. So far, so good (though I should be reading "To Kill a Mocking Bird"). I got it from the psych section in Barnes and Nobles. Today I went to bestbuy with my mom. She get a lot of things, like a clock radio because the one she has now is possessed. She got some music, and so did I. I got RA's Duality. I didn't have it, so, yay. I also got a car lighter outlet converter thing for when I go to NY. I'm gonna use my laptop as a DVD player for the other people we're traveling with. Also for when I go to Florida on Christmas. yay. So, yeah. |
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I am going down that path again. I'm back where I am digging into my wrist with a set of keys in the bathroom of the school. I was able to pull them off as scratches from itching, but I don't think Kristine caught on. Dest tried to kill herself. I've been trying to reach her, but I haven't been sucessful. I really wish Eric, her bf, would help more. At least if he didn't cut, he could be able to help her. I can't. I just can't remake that connection we had before. A girl in my school died recently. She was anorexic, and her heart failed. My school is doing nothing about it. They aren't even acknowledging it. I think that is fucked up. I just wish that everything was different. I don't know. I wish i didn't push Christian away. I wish that I didn't kill my friendship with Dest, and that I could be a supportive person for her to get better. I wish it wasn't just me and my mother. I wish for a lot of things. Most of which I can take care of myself, but I can't. Sometimes I wish that Dest would just kill herself, so this all can be over. But, I really don't want that to happen. And I am glad that Jackie and Chris are happy, but I want that, but I can't find that. I can't find one person to make a connection with that will last long enough for me to depend on them for emotional support. I should go, I guess. maybe I'll write some fiction. I haven't done that in a long time. |
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A letter came in the mail today. My grandfather's will was finally taken care of. He left me a nice amount of money. Considering the fact that we haven't talked since forever. I don't even remember talking to him. I have pictures, but that is just it. Whenever I found out about him, it was from my uncle or Louise (step grandmother). How awesome. And it does brighten my mood up, considering I did that stupid thing last night. I thought that he would have left everything to Louise, or that most of this other children would have gotten something, and their kids. But I was wrong. Yay for me. One slash on my left wrist. It is kind of hard for me to pull it off as a scratch from itching, but I am ready to do that. Unlike any other I have done, this is straight and has no skipping. Like, it isn't open in some spots, the whole thing is open. It bled like fuck, too. It makes it all the more harder to tell Eric to make an effort in stopping. He already has some connection to her that I will never be able to make. She trusts him. She actually calls him. So, yeah. I'm not even going to bother with Tom because I wish he would just kill himself. I wish he was dead. I wish I could kill him. Whatever. I should be packing. I'm heading to Upperstate NY and I will be there until Sunday. If I ever get to a computer, I will update here and stuff. But, when I get back, I'll give the whole shabang. I'll have pictures this time. Mia won't be going, though. I'll be seeing her this Christmas, so, that should be fun. I sent her a card for her B-day, too. It's cute. On the front, it says, "Only a person who is pure and kind can open this card. . . " and the inside is glued. heehee. So, yeah. Ima go pack. And after Thanksgiving, I might dye my hair black. heehee. |
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Mood: pathetic The song that never ends: Some song. . . . "The Game?" Not by distured, though. Maybe it is called Pain. iono, but it is good. "Mess with me an you'll die like the fool." |
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So, I'm back. Actually, I came back Sunday, so, yeah. I have pictures, but I am uploading them slowly. heh. It should be a while before I have them, but I have a lot of beautiful pics of the falls and of Buffalo. Me and my mom aren't getting along because of the whole thing. After five days in Buffalo, I think she realized that it wasn't my rug 'causing my itching. I also got really frustrated, and scrtached the hell out of my leg. She said we would go to the peidiatrician, but once again she lied. She just went to a Doctor friend, told her what she though was going on, and got a topical steriod thing. The Dr. person thinks it is a form of allergy, but then again she didn't even look at it. My mom barely looked at it. Why she was at it, she might as well of prescribed me cyanide. Mofo. That whole "I should kill myself" thing is coming back. I barely enjoyed myself while in Buffalo. I think some of my cousins noticed. Well, "cousins." heh. But, I really think Stacie hates me. It's just a thing I get from her. And I don't think a lot of them would give a flying fuck about me when it really comes to it. Though, I got along well with Shelly, a "cousin's" wife. She was really nice and funny. One cousin brought along his friend, and we all think they are gay lovers. It's just the way they are. And this isn't the first family function he has been to. heh. I wouldn't mind at all. His guy friend, Ray, is really nice. I think it is his father who we should all be worried about. heehee. So, yeah. That is my five days in a nutshell. Oh. And with all the shit going on, I just know that Dest is going to either kill herself or try to. Even when I was in NY, I had this fear that she was gone, 'cause when I left, things weren't well, so, yeah. Things still aren't well. And I know that when her bf pulls something stupid, she's gonna do something. So, yeah. Buh byes |
| What happened to Shhh???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
