fret for your figure and
fret for your latte and
fret for your lawsuit and
fret for your hairpiece and
fret for your prozac
28th Oct, 2005 3:44:07 pm - Subscribe
|I'm so FUCKING PATHETIC.
I don't know him as well as I should. I'm jumping in. I don't know a motherfucking thing about him except that he likes Tool, he can NOT talk about his feelings and that his parents like sewing and fishing.
Why is it that when he tells me to go live with him, I find myself adhering and saying... "If I had the money..."
Why does he make me feel this way?
Why do I wake up at 5 am, and feel absolutely no purpose, other than to talk to him? Why do I always feel like his head is on my pillow, next to mine?
Why do I trust him like this?
Finger deep in the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together
Relax, turn around and take my hand.
music: stinkfist// tool
|Cold hard bitch.||
25th Oct, 2005 7:27:17 pm - Subscribe
|If you have yet to believe that I am one of the meanest people in the world, read this;
Me: The world is going to end soon. And thankfully, I've done everything I need to do.
Malik [ex]: like what?
Me: 1/ I'm in love 2/ I'm getting a puppy soon 3/ I'll tell my parents I hate them on December 21st, 2012
Malik: in love? with who?
Me: Does it matter?
Me: Righto then.
Malik: not me right?
Me: Again, it doesn't matter.
And I don't feel any guilt. I felt a pang of it, for like, 3 seconds. Then it went away when I realized just how much time I wasted waiting for his sorry ass.
|mood: fucked up
25th Oct, 2005 7:11:20 am - Subscribe
|Four years ago...
How old were you?
What grade were you in?
Where did you go to school?
Where did you live?
How was your hair style?
It was kinda long.
Did you wear braces?
Did you wear contacts?
Did you wear glasses?
Who was your best friend?
Katherine and Anita.
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
No one o.O
Who was your celebrity crush?
Aaron Carter. LAUGH AND DIE.
Who was your regular-person crush?
Luke... o.O until he tripped theresa over. Then I sprayed perfume on him and tried to light his hair on fire.
Were you a virgin?
How many piercings did you have?
Two... one in each ear.
How many tattoos did you have?
What was your biggest fear?
Having to dance with boys in sport.
Had you smoked a cigarette yet?
Yeah. (I was six, sue me.)
Had you gotten drunk or high yet?
Had you driven yet?
If so what car(s) did you use?
Which of your pets were still alive?
Which members of your family were still alive?
Which members of your family were not born yet?
Did you know the person who posted this right before you?
|The real me vs. the human me.||
25th Oct, 2005 5:03:17 am - Subscribe
|The real me felt like replying to Malik's email saying... "I don't give a shit what the mormons near you fucking do to try and brainwash you. Go bang your head on the wall or something."
The human me felt like replying to Malik's email and saying... "Okay we'll talk tomorrow. Cya".
I am human.
I said the latter.
The real me... diluted.
1/ I'm almost always bored.
2/ I have a strong sense of pity.
3/ I look scary when I'm debating about something I am passionate about. My eyes look like they're about to pop out.
4/ I hate Bush. Given the chance, I would assasinate his sorry ass. (Don't try to get me started on saddam. He too, is an imbecilic fuck. Bush just has that ability to kill more people, and legalize it.).
5/ I hate nuclear power. I hate people who protest for environmental reasons. THE WHALES HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR US, GOD DAMN YOU.
6/ I am a manipulative little bitch.
7/ I would make a really crappy psychologist. I don't understand anyone's feelings, which is why I always try to stay on the sidelines, even though I fail ever-so miserably.
8/ After assasinating Bush, I would then kill the following people from school: Mona [bitch], Joyce [whore, bitch.], Carol [she started the whole depression thing at school. I'm serious, like it's a trend or something. Everyone was happy before her sorry "my dad hates me boohoo" ass showed up, or atleast, they pretended to be happy, which is better than their stupid little fits of self-pity] and Miss Szymkow.
9/ I can be really hypocritical.
10/ If you told me to write an essay of the negatives of my physical appearance, I'd write you a fucking thesis.
11/ I am my own hero. If I let myself down, it is much easier for me to pick myself up this way. Say I were worshipping some sporting star, and they had an extramarital affair... I'd probably write them letters and tell them to repent and join a missionary in Papua New Guinea.
12/ I despise parents. Everyone's parents. I despise how they think we owe them something. Shut up: We don't owe you anything. In return to us being born, you two had sex. Now, shut it.
13/ I always, always stereotype people.
14/ I am CLUMSY.
15/ I try to be as human as possible, and hide all of these little things.
16/ I think that 'human' is very relative.
17/ I still have a love for barbie dolls, stuffed animals and tonka trucks.
|I ignored the internet for a day, and I feel blasphemous.||
25th Oct, 2005 4:20:46 am - Subscribe
|I'm not kidding. I feel like I've sinned and need to repent. I'd go repent and stuff, except Jesus and God and Buddha and Adonais and Brahman and Allah and the Sikh gurus and Zeus have all abandon-ated me.
I'm listening to Josh Kelley's Amazing. This is the best song ever.... no questions asked bishes!
Getting a journal from Scholastic with a doggie on it =]. There was also a pretty uber pink one with a celtic design... but... it was jewelled, and I'm not good with jewelled things.
School starts an hour late tomorrow. I'm not going, you stupid fuckers. Like I'm going to go to school at 11 am. Don't you think I have better things to do... like... watch daytime tv? Or go on the internet? Or plot world destruction?
Yesterday was my happy happy day.
Today was my happy happy day except for the one thing... I DID THE WORKSHOPS!!!
So I swapped with Elif [baaaaaad idea]. I ended up explaining to kids shit I don't understand myself: How lenses bend light rays.
The first group was murder. I had them for 10 minutes and I was close to ripping my hair out. There was a girl who looked like me and acted like me except... you know, 3 years younger. I felt like telling her, "STOP BEING SO SHY. AS SOON AS YOU GET TO 8TH GRADE, PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU TO STFU. SO START BEING OUTGOING NOW".
My sixth grade teacher doesn't remember me.
This is what happened with a kid in a group;
Me: Okay, my name is Aya. Tell me all your names. (I knew some, this was my elementary school, keeping in mind.)
*kids tell me their names*
Me: Zack, that is not your name, and before you ask, I know Esra.
Zack: Before you ask, do you know Amara? Before you ask [yes, this shithead doesn't know what he's on about], do you know Ehlem?
Me: I don't know Ehlem... Now, can you tell me, what did the lenses do to the light rays?
Zack: Kara. [arabic word for shit]
*kids break into laughter, I shake my head*
In the lunchbreak, Zack comes up to me again.
Zack: Can you guess why I'm picking up papers?
Me: Because you pissed off a teacher? *eye roll*
Zack: How do you know? *tries to dump the rubbish on me, I slap him*
Yeaah. Good fun? We were stuck in the sun for 20 minutes because Mr VH told us to wait 5 minutes while he talked to the kids about our school. Some 5 minutes.
Joyce jigged school. FUCKING DUMB WHORE. She didn't even go with anyone, which makes her about 300 times more stupid. I hope her parents pay shitloads for her to move to the Catholic school, then I hope they kick her out without a refund. Stupid whore. Stupid stupid whore.
Mona hit me on the nose [she was trying to hit Patricia]. Fuck, I hate her. She's mean.
On the way home, I choked on air... because we were driving up my street and some guy from Granville boys grinned at me. The fact that he had his shirt tucked in, his buttons done up, his hair well combed, almost gave me a heart attack.
Maybe there's hope for them yet.
PS: Malik replied to my, "stop talking about me behind my back and making me seem like an utter bitch" e-mail. Yeah, he's just apologizing. I wish he wouldn't, it's a sorry sight. Ah well, he said he wants to talk to me tomorrow... here goes nothing!
Reasons why I don't fit in anywhere, except for Patricia and I's little circle of not-fitting-inners (of which only we are part)
I WOULD fit in with the other iraqi girls... but... I'm the only Iraqi in the school who doesn't wear a scarf.
I could never fit in with the plastics. [different hobbies, musical tastes, attitudes on life]
I could never fit in with the Turks [pretty obvious]
I can't fit in with natasha's group [most of them bore me]
I can't even fit in with *my* group [I just can't seem to click with Desiree].
music: Amazing/ josh kelley