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tales The real me. - Subscribe
(you know who you are)

The real me is a liar.

The real me hates you.

The real me cries over ridiculous things.

The real me doesn't want to talk to you on msn because there really are much better things to do.

The real me always pretends.

The real me wishes you'd be a real friend, and know that forgetting and forgiving are different.

The real me is sick of our school... sick of the teachers, the students and the weird people who walk around the school with no aim.

The real me has finally found an ounce of happiness, and you've gone and wrecked it, by being depressed, and trying to blame it all on me. It's not my fucking problem that a guy lied to us both. It's not my fucking problem that he wrecked your life. Even if I wasn't here, the same thing would have happened. I wish I wasn't here, so you wouldn't try and blame all your shit on me.

Funny. I guess you didn't think I'd find it. But I did. And don't worry, I won't tell him your pathetic little plan. I don't fucking see why as soon as he decides to get on with his fucking life, you decide to seek revenge.

You're sad, really, really sad.
Mood: betrayed

tales Now, doesn\'t that sound peculiar? 20th Oct, 2005 4:02:45 am - Subscribe
You know on msn, how they have the blockchecker thing? And everytime someone is about to message you, that shitty little advertizement pops up, so you know they have your window opened?

Heh. Ronald keeps opening a window with me, and never says anything.

Isn't it so peculiar? People wouldn't talk to me in elementary. They want to now, but they don't.

It makes me wonder why these people are on my list at all.

I don't want to get rid of the past. All the silly things you stress over when you're a kid, those are the happiest memories of your life.

My stomach burns. Cajun McNuggets ;/. Bad stuff.

PS: A certain "someone", you know who you are, don't comment here. I don't want to acknowledge you on MSN, and I don't want to acknowledge you here.

EDIT: I had to add this. It's my favourite song, of all time.

Scar- Missy Higgins
He left a card, a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush next to a note
That said "use these down to your bones"
And before I knew I had shiny skin and it felt easy being clean like him
I thought "this one knows better than I do"

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

So the next one came with a bag of treats,
she smelled like sugar and spoke like the sea
she told me don't trust them, trust me
Then she pulled at my stitches one by one,
looked at my insides clicking her tongue
and said "This will all have to come undone"

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
She tried to blunt me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
So that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

I think I realized just in time, i thought my old self was hard to find
You can bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
Could you leave me with a scar?

Mood: sick

tales Tree-huggers. 21st Oct, 2005 2:21:12 am - Subscribe
Patricia and I give new meaning to that term tounge.gif

I'm the white one that's completely blurred out.

So uhm, yeah, don't make fun of our uniform.

PATRICIA- tounge.gif I'll give you all the other photos. The only good ones are of you anyway ha. But this one stays in my blog bishy tounge.gif

The one of me holding up a sign that says "Stalin is my boyfriend" wasn't on the drive either. UGH. Stupid Desiree's camera! =(

So, people, tell me, don't you just love APC's Thirteenth Step? Uhuh, yes you do.

Pale angel go away
Come again some other day
The devil has my ear today
I'll never hear a word you say.

So, anyway, on to school matters. Gina was being weird and perverted all day.

Maths was crappy. Patricia made up words.

History was actually good for once. Miss Matta has gone back to not hating me, and is now being a complete suck up.

Arabic was okay, listening exercise. The plastics took a picture of themselves with Dez's camera, lo and behold, it turned out better than most of ours. I hate them.

Lunch. Took photos. That's about it, and art was a bore-bag. Meh.

EDIT: Just realized that there's a nifty little images option. Okay, so I'm stupid, but I'm too lazy to change it now.
Mood: terribl...y bored.

tales Things that annoy me. 21st Oct, 2005 3:55:17 am - Subscribe
1/ People who call others fake. Who are you to decide who is real, exactly? Do you have some exclusive membership of a Real club? So, someone decides they want to be like someone else. They're still real. The people we imitate will help shape the person we are.

2/ People who swear to celibacy on non-religious grounds. This is usually done by girls/guys who have never had sex, and come to the conclusion that it is evil, though it can't be, since everything that lives does it, except them, because they're too annoying anyway.

3/ That feeling you get, even when a relationship with someone is over, and your friends say they talked to them, and it's like, OMG WHAT DID THEY SAY?

4/ "Omg my best friend is with my ex I hate her now stupid whore". They're your ex, why should you care? It's OVARRRR.

5/ People who have kids within the first year of marriage. Mm, I'm talking people who never lived under the same roof before marriage, and have a kid straight after it. JESUS CHRIST, USE CONDOMS. rikhghtiughtiu!!!

6/ "Whu, muh, moi, mi, tyme, lyfe" What the fuck? It's not even an abbreviaton! I can live with "r,u,2", but jesus! Whu wreked muh lyfe?

7/ When my mother is in the kitchen idling and asks me to make tea.

8/ Baklava.

9/ Racism.

10/ Vegans. Anti-fur-ians. You get the picture.

11/ Loud birds.

12/ The fact that the cotton buds are always in my sister's room.

13/ Waiting.

14/ People who put friends before lovers.

15/ Bad premature teenage mistaches. Okay, it looks good on some people, but eck ;/

16/ The haircut of just about every guy at granville boys' high school. A rat tail. Ewh.

17/ People who really really don't give a shit about their appearance, and show up to the bus stop with chocolate spread around their mouths and most of the buttons of their shirts undone. *shivers*

18/ People who go into chatrooms pretending to be celebrities. *sigh*

19/ People who leave comments like, "omg stop posting about ____". Amazingly, the admins never do this (or I haven't seen it). When you pay for aeonity's bandwidth, THEN you can tell people to stop posting. Grr.

20/ When you say "sXe" on chatrooms, and people say, "youre not sexy". OMG, FUCK YOU, AND DIE.

21/ Drugs.

22/ Alcohol.

23/ Tobacco.

24/ Alcohol.

25/ Racist people sad.gif

26/ Homophobic people.

27/ Times New Roman. EWW.

28/ People who steal shit they can easily pay for.

29/ Love hearts.

30/ People who tease other people about pimples. *stabs*

31/ People at the beach/pool who have excessive chest hair and don't wear shirts. *bangs head*
Mood: annoyed

tales This always happens. 21st Oct, 2005 4:56:47 am - Subscribe
About 5 months ago-
Gina: I was on your account yesterday, but I wasn't at the computer. Neil said, "I miss you Aya, and I'm sorry".
*I burst into tears*
Gina: I talked to Malik today. He said, "Aya hates me now I'm going to stop giving a shit about what she thinks"
*I burst into tears*

He thinks I hate him. That makes me so fucking sad. I thought that, for once, I had ended a relationship on good terms. On completely altruistic terms, that I'd done something that was for the better of us both.

He hated seeing me sad, and nothing made me sad more than the numerous weekends that he wasn't online. I thought it would have been the best to ask him to be my friend?

I'm so confused. I listened to my favourite songs, but that made me miss S which made me feel like a whore which made me miss S more.


Help me. Please.
Mood: sad