I hate this.
No I dont.
This was a beautiful chapter and like each chapter this one has to close.
This chapter ended.
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I jsut remebered why I no longer blog here. I hate this. No I dont. This was a beautiful chapter and like each chapter this one has to close. This chapter ended. |
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Why do you have to go and make things so compliated? I worked all weekend…10 hours Saturday. 10 hours Sunday. No not because I do not have a social life….well I don’t but that’s not what I am getting to here, I worked to afford Christmas and then I find out everyone including me is working in Christmas Eve…argh! So anyway, yea the weekend wasn’t much. Work. The military takeover has happened in Fiji. They have promised to make it a bloodless coup…but only time will tell. How can people be so stupid? Where does the greed, hatred, envy breed? Or are some people just naturally born jerks? Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard have won Labor Leadership….woot woot!!! Yesh yesh I am aware non of you really care but hey, its what matters to me. The fashion show is on tomrow along with the Vision G BBQ =( Cant go to the BBQ because I need to waiter for the show =( It’s a damn cold night trying to figure out this night Everything else is just plain old good. Fine, so Josh I invited Josh to the “Girls Day” but hey…I mean come on he is practically a chick =D nah jk jk ! Skye is going to kill me.. Speaking of Skye…stupid whore, she didn’t come today so I spent the hour picking on Jason and Monica and talking with Kay and Joshie.. I have moved on. I am in a place where even your memories don’t scar =D I have also moved on from something/ someone in the past… heh took me long enuff =D Listening to “Irreplaceable” kinda true…didn’t take more then a week to have a certain someone replaced. Need to Christmas shop...very badly =D I overheard mum and dad talking. “………shes pretty good, I mean she turned out well” “shes 15 she still has a way to go” “shes nice to have around until you get on her bad side” “shes 15, she feels betrayed by the world, she hates her home” “that’s the thing she doesn’t, bit weird” “but the thing is she doesn’t feel that way, shes content” “shes happy, we raised her well shes turned out well shes smart, saving the world, making things happen and for a 15 year old, she has fanatastic relationships with everyone what more can we ask” “speaking of relationhips…any idea why she ripped the card I got for her friend…her brother guy..michael, Mitchell something?” “Shes 15 she hates the world” I love you. |
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Theres a sense of doubt and insecurity creeping in. My head has been connecting the dots and believes that soemthing is up. My gutt is telling me he wont ever do it and if he did he would tell me. I dont know who to believe. He was at her place ysterday. She is at his place...this very moment...10.15pm....why? "just friends" is it even possible? I trust him..but maybe thats a mistake...a very big one... |
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....he tackled her to the ground onto the crisp spring leaves...the stars were out, she tried to push him over, his eyes were in her eyes, his lips slowly pressed onto her...she was losing herself. everything felt perfect with him, the stars and the leaves. it felt like a scence out of a movie expect it was real...it was happening to HER. she played with her hair while he continued to kiss, it was perfect. was she losing herself to the one guy she never thought she would? had she already lost herself to him? was this the beginning of something good...or something bad.... |
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I hate this. I dont know. I hate who I have become. I dont know what I have become. I dont know why I have become this person. Lewis asked me to trust him again. I dont know what I am meant to do. Mitchell said I am the only one he has. I dont know what I am supposed to do. I hate it all. |
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Matt Yes MATT the Matt. Its so weird, kinda strange too, but "Matt" the perfect guy, hm yea well I made a new friend, his name is Matt. Lemme go through the perfect Matt list - Smart -Funny -Cares about the world -Understands me -Kinda crazy -Opiniated Now Matt -Smart -Funny -Care about the world -Understands me -A little krazy -Very opininated. I dont know lol. *stabs herself* crappiness hes on the net though =( Ironic, we starting off as fighting in a forum and now I feel he knows me better. And no, nothing going on, we are just friends. Damn if only.... |
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Get ready to hear me bitch like you have never seen me bitch before. A few people in my life, lack some serious backbone. If you have something against me, something against the way I do things or something I believe in, say it to my face because going behind my back simply means that A. you dont believe in that thing enough to say it to my face and B. your a spineless moron who doesnt know what he/she is saying and that you are highly flawed and the truth might just hurt you. If you dont believe in something enough to stand up for it and make it public then dont say it because saying it in your comfort zone where the thing cant be defended is simply .... pathetic. If you have half the confidence in what your saying, then say it to someone who can tell you the truth and a good enough reason. Grow some backbones , start being honest to yourself first of all, because seriously who are you kidding? or start being honest, if you have something to attack, attack it heaad on if you have enough faith in yourself, if you dont, if maybe you think your wrong, maybe your facts are flawed then dont even bother. Attacking someone from where they cant defend themselves is utterly pathetic because once again you dont believe your strong (or your case is not strong enough) to hear the repsonse. Nite vegas! |
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| I am in love with love itself. |
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Okie so like not much going on and I know I am almost over blogging but I shall force myself to continue. Heh kinda funny before I had to force myself to stop ranting. Nehwo...so I have been missing *him* like crazy, very very silly. Yesterday was the movie day, Tim and I walked home...he jokingly asked me out hehehe, we were talking about something and I was like "now if we were a couple.." and he was like "who says we arent" and then 10 mintues later, we were mucking around and hes like "wana go out?" me - "with who?" him - "I m kidding" me - "oh u mean you, er like no?" him - "I m jokin i m jokin" Yea silliness, he so digs Sarah. They look cute together, but dammiit! So anyway, onto more silliness, last week some chicks were trying to make me jealous about Charlie (close mate) I did get jealous, not because I like him or anything but because I am possesive. Ms.Bower is leaving..tomrow. Yikes...I need to get her flowers and chcolate for her support for my social justice group....yikkeeeesss Ah last day of school tomrow....then holidayssssssssssssssssssss |
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Okie so hm er hmm yea I like him. Ekk so wrong. Make up, break up, make up, break up. Sure he can be a total jerk at times and makes me wana bash his head into a wall but i dunno, he also has his lil cute things. Oh shittiness the fact that we cant be together. Ever. The fact that he doesnt care. Ever. Dont say he does and anything is possible, we tried and we failed miserbaly, the next we will try agen mayb in 10 years time |
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I know I kno I havent blogged in ages and you have all missed me ever so terribly... Newho...been so busy lately Social Justice group had a great started but is now falling apart...thanks to a certain someday :p ah well..if you want to take over...please do you..but note that A) you need the SRC's permission and B) if i go half the group goes with me and C) if your going to be a bitch I m going to make sure that you receive no support for the SRC, the princpal and school Hehe I am a mean evil cruel bitch...  Newho *grins evilshy* lol yesh yesh good things sometimes do happen to good people =D hehehe okie mean evil bitch...but it could be fate shit it hurts Hm thats it for now |
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Walked into this life A stranger, a mystery Made all the right promises to break Made me believe that all stories have happy endings Made me believe in something that wasn’t real An extra star for my dark nights The stupid promises The ignorance that it would last forever Lack of respect, lack of trust All just a silly game Game of cold hearts Game of colder kisses Details don’t matter Someone payed the price Friends forever the new promise Another heart break just around the corner |
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Men = Confusion. |
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*SCREAMS* MEET YOU IN AFRICA?? MEET UP IN AFRICA?????? *SCREAMS LOUDER* HELLO??? VGEN BUDDIES???? HELLO??? OFFICAL FRIENDS??? *SCREAMS EVEN LOUDER* This is the ulimate end. Coxii I am so taking that river with you. Haha....doesnt matter how long you've known him just as long as hes got you smiling since day one. DD day is comming up so is fundraiser so yea....hehe  |
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Dreaming comes so easily Cause it's all that I've known True love is a fairytale I'm damaged, so how would I know? I'm scared and I'm alone I'm shamed and I need for you to know I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me Healing comes so painfully And it chills to the bone Won't let anyone get close to me I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know I'm scared and I'm alone I'm shamed and I need for you to know I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me There's only for my soul And undo this fear Forgiveness for a man Who was stronger I was just a little girl But I can't look back I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say And you can't take back what you've taken away Cause I feel you, I feel you near me Can't go back... Can't go back... Can't go back... Can't go back... I can't go back... I can't go back... I can't go back.. I must go on... I must go on... I must go on... I must go on... I must go on... I must go on... I must go on.... THE SON OF A PRICK TOLD ME TO GET THIS SON.....DOES HE NOT SEE THAT IT RELATED DIRECTLY TO ME???????? oh wellz |
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I wish you wouldnt go. I wish you wouldnt leave me here. I wish that everytime you said something it makes me believe there might be a US. I wish I could let you go. I wish I wouldnt feel so vunerable everytime you said anything. I wish I didnt have to cry because you didnt need me tonight. I wish it didnt bleed everytime you said anything. I wish red werent the colour of your kisses. I wish my heart didnt beat so fast whenever your name appears on my fone. I wish it didnt jump so much when you say something..... |
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Yup I assessed Lewis's and mine's relationship so I dont make the same mistakes in future. Was I happy with him? I was happy with having someone. Why did you love him? He found me (well I found him) when no one else was looking. What have you learnt from him? Never trusting another guy again. When did you feel something was wrong? The day he was alone at all, carols in the domain was on, thats when it started. Would you have ever been the girl to keep him happy? Yes Would he have been the guy? Yes How much effect did you put in this? Gave it my all. Did he do the same? No Why not? Maybe I wasnt worth it. One thing you could undo what would it be? Never finding out about anything, pretending that such a thing as "the perfect man" exists and that he is with me. One thing you could do? Tell him I love him and make him believe that. Conculsion. Lewis. Awesome Guy. Un did everything Himesh did. Poor Himesh. his work went to waste. |
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Yes I have let go. Sure I love him. Sure I think we could have been more then just amazing. Sure I am always going to remember him. But Everything happens for a reason. and We are better of as friends. No we are not. But fuck that. As Tom said "Would crying have brought him back to life, would crying have made her come back to me" Moving on. Moved on. I still love him. But I am ready to share my love with someone who needs it. |
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First, pick a person; Lewis Describe this person's smile- Warm and fuzzy Describe this person's anger- Fucked up Describe how you feel towards this person- HATRED PURE SHEER HATRED Describe this person's past- Bega cheese Describe this person's future- Young Aussie of the year Describe who this person is in love with- GEMMA THAT RED HEAD! Describe how you feel when they walk into the room- HATRED PURE I GONNA SMASH UR HEAD HATRED Describe how you wish they felt towards you- Loved me? Describe how your life would be without this person- Be fine. I dont need him. Describe how you feel when they're unhappy- Happy. Good suffer. Describe what you hate about them- The fact that I cant hate him even if I tried. Second Person : Tom Describe this person's smile- Warm and Fuzzy and kinda weird Describe this person's anger- Gentle Describe how you feel towards this person- Good guy. Describe this person's past- Well he has a weird sense of hair colour Describe this person's future- Rainbows and skateboards Describe who this person is in love with- Not me Describe how you feel when they walk into the room- *NOTICE ME NOTICE ME* HAPPY! Describe how you wish they felt towards you- Atleasted liked me? Describe how your life would be without this person- Alrite I guess. Describe how you feel when they're unhappy- Unhappy  Give him a hug and tell him its gonna be ok.Describe what you hate about them- Hes a flirt |
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It took me a bit to long to realise that sure he acts like a player, such he acts all puffheady but inside hes just a good kid. AND? And I feel like a bum. HE LIED TO YOU. HE CHEATED ON YOU. And that matters why? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I am saying nothing. I dont love him. I dont love him. I dont love him. STOP LYING TO YOURSELF WOWAN. I am not. Ok maybe a little. Ok maybe a lot. SO YOU DO LOVE HIM? Maybe but that shouldnt matter. WHY NOT Because it just shouldnt I hate him. YOUR INCAPABLE OF HATING. So I cant hate or love or be loved, I can only be hated. YOU CAN ALSO LAUGH AND CRY. I am scared. OF? Disturbing the balance. NO MORE TALKING TO TOM. YOU LOVE HIM. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? Nothing. OKAY. DONT LOOK BACK AT THIS AND SAY I WISH I'D DONE SOMETHING. I wont. SO YOUR OK WITH HIM GOING OUT WITH CHLOE? Wtf? Who? OH HES GOING OUT WITH THIS RED HEAD. I dont care. YOU DONT? I do. I still love him but that doesnt matter. SO YOUR OVER HIM? No. I want him. |