Here we go again
Date: Jun 19th, 2006 4:38:51 pm - Subscribe

So, it's been almost a year... In fact, it will have been a year in 6 days since the last time I wrote here, and why? Why do I go so long without writing? I ask myself things like this often. I have never come up with an answer, at least not fully. Allot can happen in a year... And I mean allot. Friends have come and gone, and I have learned allot about life in the last year. I have also learned allot about myself. The biggest problem with that is that doing so has raised more questions about myself to light. Am I a good person? Am I a bad person? Who know's... It's kinda funny, I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day and we were talking about how much he know's about me. I told him, he only knows about 1/100th of me. I also told him why, and that I do that to protect myself. I do it so no one person can have power over me the way that some people in my past have done. Not everyone can understand this, but, it is the way I am.

Now of the updates over the last year. My sister is in the hospital in Florida with Lupus and some other issues... I am pretty much homeless. And, I have lost allot of my old friends, and made some new ones. It's kinda like the normal circle of life. Lose some people, gain some people. I am now of the firm belief that everyone comes into, or exits your life for a reason. They are in yoru life to help you in some way, or for you to help them in some way, than they are gone. Some day though, everyone meets that special someone that is in their life from that moment on. That special someone that completes them, and helps them along the rest of their journey through life. I have yet to be lucky enough to meet that person, but, my eyes are open in case they enter my life. I won't hold my breath untill then though, that would be stupid. I will just keep a keen eye out for them when they do enter my life so that I can enjoy their company for the rest of my days on earth.

I fought a very bad bought of depression, and am still, in allot of ways, working my way out of it. There are of course happy little drugs that I could take and be dependant on for the rest of my life, but, that's just not me. That's not who I am. I refuse to let myself become one of them people. Not that there is anything wrong with those people, it works for them, just not for me. Anyways, back to the update portion... I started a business, and it failed... Does this make me a failure? Maybe, but, instead of being down about it, I have moved on. I am starting to break out of my shell just a little bit, but, I am afraid that it will close in around me again before I fully come out of it. I guess that's what my friend is afraid of also. He has seen me coming out of my shell, and opening up a little bit, and getting out more, and doing "normal" things, and he has commented on it. He also vowed to not let me go back into it, but, I'm not sure how well that promise is working... I am collasping back into the abyss... I refuse to give up though... I refuse to let it get to me... And, I refuse to become depressed again... Oh well, that's about all for now, back to work...

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