Hope
Date: Jun 26th, 2005 5:15:43 pm - Subscribe
Mood: damned
Current Music: APC - Weak and Powerless
Hope... It is something that has kept me going for years. I have held onto it like a child holds onto there ice-cream sandwich in the middle of summer. Afraid of it going away before they are finished with it. I try to fill my life with hope. There is always someone worse off than I am. I hold onto that and tell myself it could always be worse. But, there are times, that I slip, I wonder, how could things get worse? Every time I ask myself this, things get a little bit worse. Everytime that something goes good, something bad happens. At least that's the way it seems.
I was on my way to work yesterday, hopefull of getting my brakes fixed in my car. I was going to have my co-worker (whom was with me in the car) fix them after work. It would be good to have my car back in good working order. We were about 20 feet from the parking lot when something hit the bottom of my car. I looked at him, and asked why he kicked my car (the radio was quite loud, and I had only felt the bump). He looked at me and said he hadn't. I said I would check it out when we got into the parking lot. As we pulled in, (headed straight towards a brand new mustang), my steering went out. And, I mean OUT. I could spin my wheel completely around with a flick of the wrist. I thought to myself, great, now my steering is going to have to be fixed. I got out, and looked under the car. Nothing looked too bad, so, we decided to push it into a parking spot. (I work retail). We pushed it all of at least two inches when my entire front-end fell out of the frame of my car. Now, when I say my entire front end, I mean my ENTIRE front end. Needless to say, I was/am very upset. But, I found out there was a recall on my car for the same problem. I am hoping (there's that hope thing again) that they will cover it under the recall, if not, I'm screwed. I really can't afford to pay for my car to get fixed.
So, what did I do? Left the car there, got a ride to the store, and bought two cases of beer. I have been drinking since. I feel as though I have let myself, and a few of my friends down. I promised myself and them I would not drink as much anymore. Yet, here I sit. On my 8th beer since 9 this morning. (it's now just past noon). I just feel like giving up. I have certainly given up on the stopping drinking and smoking thing. That really didn't work out. Anyways, I'm done babbling. If I don't write before the 4th, have a great independance day.
~D
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