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tear Standing still, Nothing happens in the winter it seems. - Subscribe
I dred waking up in to morning to face this. I hate livign with someone who constantly makes mr feel worthless and like shit.
I try and just shit myself out from her, i can't just sit there and take it all in and absorb the pain. Its tearing me apart.

In Drama we have to write monologes, and perform them to the class--scary. I've been strugaling with it. I think I'll just write a new one. I'm scared...
9 Comments
Mood: nonchalant

tear Soo... Dec 12th, 2005 10:35:21 pm - Subscribe
sososo...
lots of things have been happening lately.
Life is going alright right now...The weekend was wonderful. Went to see Cindrella on Saturday, that was wonderful !!!
I met Alex and her friend Kyle there. It was an awesome night. I loved the set, it was amazing, Rose was an awesome Fairy Godmother, She played that role sooo well.

I got lots of hugs that night and saw lotsss of peoplehappy.gif it was nice. I was sooo happy to see Alex because I havent seen her since Seussical! Her friend Kyle is a cool girl. hehehe.

School is going somewhat good. I can't wait for this week to be over, Nicole is having a hudgeeee party not this friday, but next friday...with a hudge bawn fire, and yummy beverdges...etc.

Tonight is the winter ball hahahaa.
o boy.
Its a "semi formal" me and some friends are going for the hell of it, I hope its not boring...just like this post....
1 Comments
Mood: shifty

tear Am I really worthless to you Dec 20th, 2005 6:59:38 am - Subscribe
So i've pretty much been crying all night long.
I feel so alone. I don't want to cry anymore. I wish i didn't feel the way I did. I feel really worthless right now. I feel like if I died would it matter. I just feel so horrible right now. about everything.I really dunno how to explain anything right now. I'm just totally shattered.

why does this always fucking happen.

Merry Christmas.
8 Comments
Mood: deflated

tear interesting Dec 24th, 2005 11:59:34 pm - Subscribe
[ ] I am shorter than 5'3.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ x] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses/contacts
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[x ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

Embarrassment
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something
[x ] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my pants rip/drop/pulled down in public

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment/whatever else..
[ ] I've gotten stitches.
[] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I've had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

Travelling
[] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to China
[ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I've seen a shooting star.
[ x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x ] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[] I've played spin the bottle.
[] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been Skiing
[x] I've been in a play.
[] I've met someone in person from the internet.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ x] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten Sushi.
[ x] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[ x] I'm single
[] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[] I have lost my virginity.
[] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[] I have kissed a stranger

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[i stole a strawberry oncetounge.gif ] I've shoplifted.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[] I've passed out from drinking.
[] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[] I've smoked weed
[] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x ] I have been diagnosed with depression.
[ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed..
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[i always sleep:p] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[x] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ x] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ x] I've attempted suicide.
[] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] i own iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x ] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.


Random
[x ] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar!
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name
[ ] I love being neat
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[x] I bake well.
[ x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[x ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate
[x] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[x] I'm good at remembering names
[ x] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
0 Comments
Mood: passionate

tear I don't want to sink again Dec 26th, 2005 3:58:36 am - Subscribe

I want to be free. I close my eyes and imagine a time that was carefree and simple. When I was 5 and would run around everywhere, in the heat of the summr, and it would feel as if I'm flying, and the wind breezes through my hair.

Gotta love those days.

"This is family is fucked up", I say to my father, as tears streamig down my face, pounding up the stairs.

"Looks whose talking", he replies.

I feel a hopeless inside, like things will never get better, I feel so fucking angry at myself inside...especially when I look at what I've done to myself, When I look at my arm. I feel ashmad, ... I know I'm better than that.
But I continue to do it..

When I close my eyes, I imagine a place where I can be loved, and these feelings that I have right now do not excist, Because there is Love, And everyone Loves eachother...

On the otherhand, I just can't wait for tomorrow, We have to be at the theatre at 12:00, Opening day for The Pied Piper. Thats something to look forword to, and it can get my mind off shit !

I truly love it there.

Merry Christmas Everyone...

Much love
<3
1 Comments
Mood: peachy