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Full moon rises, eyes out of sight, full moon rises, my mind is alight. Hello. It is a fullmoon tonight which is very spirtual. I went to a Native Womans cleansing fullmoon circle. It was wonderful. Haven't been clean, Haven't quit smoking weed. Haven't, Haven't Haven't. Admitting I had a problem was one thing and I totally do have a problem no fucking doupht. and its my fault. I hate what it does to me. yet I smoke it. I smoke it so much. I'm finding myself quite sickening, I feel like how can I even fucking fuction the way I'am, and have been doing this, and things. I can't handle it, it is insanity, because it is insanity. Dude I wonder who reads this? |
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So today was a goodday, hung out friend. Something odd an unexpectide tonight. I got a phone call from Div. My ex-girlfriend or whatnot. About a year ago, We had a thing going on for a couple of monthes, I deeply liked her and lusted for her. We couldn't have a healthy relationship because she was on crstyal meth, and had sooo many fucking issues, Despite that she has/had always been on my mind. We stopped talking because she said, its best if we do, I'm not a healthy fucking person to you and for you, I'm sick, I'm addicted to drugs, I feel older than you, I have wayyyy more life experience, etc. Anyways A year goes by and we only talk to eachother a couple times, and I hear she's in and out of re-hab etc. Then tonight I get a phonecall from her, she sounded so fucking different, her voice sounded so much different, it was really grand. She has been clean for one whole month, and she said, Well, I'm actually a fullout lesbian now, no guys, and I said whoa, me tooo. And told her how I came out to my mom etc. Then she started going off about how theres this Gay youth Group in Nanaimo, and how she's orgasnizing people to come and making posters. I'm fucking proud of her man. But what I do need to relize is when I see her, its not going to be the same, Even though she is extremly gorgeous, I can't fucking like her again, Because I know that we couldn't have a relationship, and that were two totally different people, even though there will still be that mutal attraction. Anywho, Tonight was fun, I have appointments with a couple of shrinks and a dentist tomorrow. Peaaace. |
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I'm so fucking grateful to have great friends such as Tiffany and Karley. I met them 6 monthes ago and now it feels like much longer. They know alot about me, and I know alot about them, and I know they will always be there for me, as I will always be there for them. This depression and state of mind will end, though I will always suffer from depresion, hopefully I will fucking get out of this hole, and pain, and luckily I have two of the greatest friends ever helping me through it. |