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My Blogs


tear Starry Starry night - Subscribe

I think about when I was a little girl
How I had that peace of mind
And playfulness and child innocense
up til about the age of 7.

10 years later...
0 Comments
Mood: powerless

tear Dawn. May 8th, 2008 6:24:50 am - Subscribe

Sooo. I feel as though. My depression has been kicking me in the ass for the past 3 weeks now, the usual feelings of hopelessness, self-pity, sadness, darkness, pain, cutting and suicidal thoughts.

I feel like I have tried so much and I have been through alot of pain. I don't want to die, I know that. Although at times I really do feel like ending my life and don't.

I've been through this much at more at almost 18 years old. I can get through this. I'm proud of myself for not yet giving up. Even waking up in the morning and going to school is an effort in itself.

However, If I don't strt helping myself get better now, things are going to be going downhill. I'm really grateful I reconize that.

For example, stop smoking a pack a day, get more active and walk. Walking really does help with the depression. Gets the endorphines out.

I have to take care of myself. In the end, all you have is yourslf. I must not give up, and I have to try harder. One day at a time. To get myself through this and so much more.
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Mood: bewildered

tear Wandering May 9th, 2008 11:21:14 pm - Subscribe

Wandering where my baby be
Mama smoked crack and my Daddy raped me
Slept outside on the living room porch
Ciggerate ashes from the night before
Wandering where my baby be
Broke a body and broke a door (Bloody doors)
1st Capo

Em

C

Do not steal.
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Mood: spastic

tear I'm going to try this. May 22nd, 2008 9:03:18 pm - Subscribe
Series of 100

This is for an art project, find an image, create an image, capture, photograph it.

1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light - [link]
4. Dark - [link]
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory - [link]
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile - [link]
15. Silence - [link]
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray - [link]
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night - [link]
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes - [link]
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead - [link]
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic - [link]
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red - [link]
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation
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Mood: wrong

tear I need to breathe this out someway, somehow. May 23rd, 2008 7:47:28 am - Subscribe
Ah yes.
The age of Seventeen, Becoming Eighteen. Into a women. I feel like such a child sometimes. Then again, I'm really connected to my inner child. Sun is finally here, more and more each day. Not sure what to make of it lately. The heat, My birthday is in 3 months.

Life in itself.

The intensity is killing me
overwhelming back breaking me
These pills are doing too little, too much
For my unstaining mind. And this time seems to be going by so goddamn fast, The time that is slow, Highs and lows.


Although I find myself in verdigo. Standing still, but spinning; ill. The good ones never last for long, Wailing in the spring rain. Folks that never stay, never stay long, never fucking stay sane.

Fuck the lust, Fuck the love, Fuck the drugs and the powder, as my best friend is stiffing up her nose. This blows. From the second she brings him to her mouth. The blow it which she demands her indulges.


1 Comments
Mood: queasy