My Friends: outsidebox, end-of, dessert
My Blogs Previous Page Next Page


end-of metamorphosis. - Subscribe
bitterness made beautiful:
my words like circles;
my heart the echo
of a distant drum's shudders.

an emptiness like strangers:
a canvas too forbidding -
possibilities unchanced,
the air awake with potential.

bitterness made beautiful:
a stab of agony carved in crystal,
a starless night cast in ebony -
the catharsis of loveliness;

despair's breathtaking imagery.

the lonely mountains mourning, the
white winter forests of my heart
awaiting the april of poetry;
the thaw that comes in words.

the chrysalis of pain's
transformation into wisdom.
collections of polished moments
line the museum of my memory.

so as the blade bites in,
I turn my veins into blank pages
and my blood into words;
so the wound becomes a story, a song,

a bitterness made beautiful.

the depth of hurt: an ocean
beneath whose opal waves I drown
the loneliness and sorrow
that I, in language, cast.

a bitterness made beautiful.
1 Comments
Mood: words.

end-of water and wind. Nov 21st, 2007 5:52:19 am - Subscribe
I keep letting go,
ready to throw in
the metaphorical towel
at the drop of a
proverbial hat.

and every time
I swear
'never again',
somehow, you
bring me back.

I can't keep up
to your nereid ways;
you slip like water
away, again -
laughing.

but to rage
against you
is like cursing smoke:
you're gone before
I even inhale.

so I sigh and I wait
and you come back in time
you awake me;
I forgive you
all over again.
1 Comments
Mood: slightly brighter.
inspiration: raidne again.

end-of slip. Nov 21st, 2007 5:50:28 am - Subscribe
There's always
something running
through my head,
wearing me down.

There's always
someone yelling
in my world;
I let it go.

Always something
I've forgotten
or neglected -
I look away.

Always some
secret anguish
in my wellspring
of worry.

Ever a change
inevitable,
awaiting me -
I let it go.

Always packing up
my things
to leave again;
I let it go.

Ever disappointment
when escape is
not enough:
I numb the pain.

Thinking of myself,
no regard
for anyone else -
I let it go;
I let you down.
0 Comments
Mood: exhausted.
inspiration: ...more like lack thereof.

end-of love this. Oct 28th, 2007 4:39:04 am - Subscribe
I cannot hear,
I cannot breathe.

and everything's breaking
something's
got to give -

I'm not giving
anymore.

to what do I owe?

you say time?
well, times change.

and lives,
and loves
and stories end.

I cannot breathe,
you cannot hear

what the hell is wrong?
something's got to give,
and I'm not giving
anymore.

what's going to
get me through?

you say love?

well, love this.
2 Comments
Mood: unlovable.

end-of she's my requiem. Oct 25th, 2007 5:16:15 am - Subscribe
there's a song
in winter's silence
a melody
that speaks of frost

there are lyrics,
in my empty mind;
a tune,
and she's the song -

she's my requiem
the sound of tears;
the silence of snowfall.
she's the pain we carry,
bittersweet -
we all keep smiling on.

numb as I am,
the music screams
this lullaby,
and she's the song

and she's my requiem
I mourn a girl
I thought I knew;
I mourn a heart
I've always loved.

I mourn the song to which
I've known the lyrics
but never caught
the tune.

she's a song,
and she's

my requiem.

I hear you,

passing on.
1 Comments
Mood: missing my best friend.
inspiration: raidne, again.

dessert help me ): Oct 13th, 2007 9:20:37 pm - Subscribe
i hate work.
having to put up with rude people over the phone really gets to you.

being a receptionist really is not as fun as it looks. good pay, though.

i have to sit here for 9 hours straight doing absolutely nothing butsurfing the itnernet and answering the phone. today i got to leave my desk one time in total. and, i don't get to leave it again. eryhjehyetklhyltr !!!


i get to either look down at the phone, look in front of me at a car (a very nice one i must say, considering this is a car dealership), or look up at either fans or the sky. there is other things to look at, but nothing interesting. not that any of that was, either.

i just wish there was something to do. facebook and myspace are blocked. i'm not allowed on msn.

the salesmen are hilarious though! i love them. i just looked over and one was poking the other in the face with a car antenna. ahh, those salesmen happy.gif

but enough about work.

im going to be in a movie! one that probably none of you will ever see.
but im still excited.

well, i better be on my way. im so bored, i better find something fun to do somehow. ill probably just eat some more candy.

more later. (:
0 Comments
Mood: bored
inspiration: worked... still am.

end-of dreaming. Oct 13th, 2007 5:05:52 am - Subscribe
like a
black bear
in winter;

like an oak
at first frost;

like a
contented child,
warm and safe;

like tropical cities
at midday,
in the heat -

I sleep,

dreaming
deep.
1 Comments
Mood: hibernating.

dessert wow. Oct 8th, 2007 2:37:49 pm - Subscribe
i haven't written on here in quiiite awhile.

ive been busy. veeery busy.
and ive been in, quite possibly, one of the greatest moods i have in a long time.
so many amazing things have been happening.

too many to type.

but i just wanted to quickly come on and give a little update.

more later.
1 Comments
Mood: sweet
inspiration: made some breakfast taquitos.

end-of shifting. Oct 8th, 2007 5:15:51 am - Subscribe
so tired
and bitter
uprooted,
I wander
asleep on
my feet and
no place to
call home yet

hopelessly
homelessly
searching for
something here
not finding
whatever
I have been
looking for.

one place to
another,
still nowhere
to call home.
4 Comments
Mood: worn out.
inspiration: pack up + leave.

outsidebox Ask me about my liberal agenda... Oct 5th, 2007 8:09:41 pm - Subscribe
Sorry, this last political post and I'll quit for awhile - honestly.


Make the Switch

GOP presidential debate held in South Carolina (May '07)

Ron Paul's speech at the New Hampshire Liberty Forum in Feb. 2007

Bill Maher's New Hero

More to come.
0 Comments
Mood: better
inspiration: What would Rudy Do? Oh yeah... instigate terrorist organizations.

end-of dying with you. Oct 5th, 2007 4:46:27 am - Subscribe
every night,
a part of me
dies
with you.

every time
in my dreams,
I see you
disappear.

heart pounds,
stomach twists,
head spins.

a human drum
tuned to the air,
I shudder.

behind closed eyes,
I watch
your demise
over and over.

you
could have been
me.

now
you're gone.

and gone
again,
every night -

I die
with you,

without knowing -

who were you?
0 Comments
Mood: anguished.
inspiration: rest in peace.

outsidebox Anyway, Whatever. Oct 5th, 2007 3:39:12 am - Subscribe
Tonight's practice kind of sucked, but I'm not going to reflect on that too much.
0 Comments
Mood: faded
inspiration: pft.

dessert love to burn Sep 30th, 2007 3:38:30 pm - Subscribe
i'm so excited. i just can't hide it. i'm about to lose control and i think i like it.


so as i write this, i'm making pasta sauce that my wonderful nonna (which means grandma in italian) taught me to make.

it already is not turning out as good as hers. i have to say im a little disappointed. but i didn't use full oregano leaves and basil leaves, i just used tiny bits. and, my tomatoes weren't from the garden.

aye.

but i think the pasta should turn out good. i hope it all comes together and tastes as good and italian as nonna's. at her house, every sunday they have pasta for supper. (when i say supper, i mean 2:30. us crazy italians.)

but anyways, i might as well get going. i want to edit my blog and such.

more later! (:

ps. why isnt there a "happy" option in the moods? i have to write it for myself i guess.
1 Comments
Mood: happy :)
inspiration: made pasta sauce and pasta :D

end-of burning beauty. Sep 29th, 2007 7:17:29 am - Subscribe
the beauty
of your fire

the light of
your passion,
your intensity

you
light me up

illuminating
dark shadows in me

burning
like a sunrise

behind your eyes,
all I desire.

your strength,
your
words.

the beauty,
terrible,
heartrending beauty

the terrifying,
beautiful passion

of your heart,
your fire

your eyes.
2 Comments
Mood: contemplative.

end-of anaesthetic. Sep 29th, 2007 7:06:14 am - Subscribe
as we die -
screaming
or otherwise -

diving
into that light
beyond.

and we scream
for rest,
for peace;

the anaesthetic
to sleep
and forget.

to sleep
in ignorance
of life's pain;

blissful relief
from the torture
of mortality.

what is heaven?
the afterlife,
for pure of soul?

heaven is
screaming
back out,

right back into
the light:
this life.

forced once more
to draw breath,
unable to speak.

pain -
the anaesthetic
to forget.

make our way
around the sun,
unceasing.

memory gone,
blindly turn
to the light -

believing, again
your last breath
will bring a halt.

but life
goes on.
I long to rest.

to die is not
to sleep evermore.
I'll not befriend death.

be then my
anaesthetic
in this world,

for I long
to be once more
oblivious.
1 Comments
Mood: frustrated.
inspiration: reincarnation.

dessert amaaazing ! Sep 27th, 2007 11:09:33 pm - Subscribe
i have amazing friends.
how did i just realize that?

k and j are amazing. theyre the funnest kids i know.
i can talk with them about anything.
me and k have reunited as best friends.
me and j are newly best friends.
t will always be my best friend.
i love my friends.



<3
what more can i say?







more later.
0 Comments
Mood: amazing
inspiration: amazed myself

dessert up, down, turn around. Sep 26th, 2007 12:55:06 am - Subscribe
i've been so tired lately. i havent gotten any time to sleep very much the past 2 weeks.
this weekend was brutal, as you read in my last blog. sunday was fairly good, but i didnt feel too good.

today was fun, though.

i was pretty happy all day. lottsss of energy! i was going in every direction at one time.
i figured out i especially like to spin. my friend who is an amazing dancer says i was doing.. chanays?! or something crazy like that. i have really no idea.
i also recently decided im going to buy some hot pink leggings or striped leggings with black and one of the following: hot pink, neon yellow, or lime green.

ive actually had an interesting choice of clothes lately. today i dressed up in a rendezvous of eighties style clothes mixed with modern style. i wore a deep shade of burgundy/deep pink, black leggings, black leg warmers, and black chanel style flats.

it was quite interesting, i must say.

but everyone did like it.

INTERESTING NEWS: yesterday i met a perfect stranger. her name is cassy (so is mine) and she goes to a school down my road. (i don't go to it unfortunately.) but anyways, we were talking and we're alike in almost every possible way, other than our hair colour. i found it to be quite interesting. she wants me to transfer to her school but, since ive recently been voted secretary of my school, i don't think i want to. and it would be hard to leave behind everyone ive grown up with.

well, i think thats all i have to say for today.

more later. (:
1 Comments
Mood: so-so
inspiration: Dressed up in 'eighties' apparel, went to school.

end-of life without limits. Sep 25th, 2007 4:22:48 am - Subscribe
oh, to live
as you do,
my bird -

free as the wind;
as the sea;
as the storm.

sky over rivers
and oceans
of sand

like you,
I am free
at 35000 feet

my troubles
only stars
in dusk's velvet

this is life
as I live it
in deepest of dreams

my life without
limits at
35000 feet

but dawn breaks
wings falter
chains are recalled

and earthbound,
I plummet
into the light -

falling
35000 feet
to pavement.

impact -
I am
myself again.

born into cages;
breathing in
boundaries -

oh, to be
but a feather
of your wing.

to live
without limits;
to fly -

but I
hold myself
in.
0 Comments
Mood: limited.
inspiration: raidne.

outsidebox Westport Relocation Sep 24th, 2007 4:20:52 pm - Subscribe
.. I have a test I should be studying for, so I'm going to make this relatively short. I feel obligated to continue steady blog posts, and I hope my posts are not all in vain.

Over the weekend, I rented a U-Haul, (shameful, how this plug will pay me nothing) loaded my small two bedroom apartment up, and headed to Westport. While I won't bore you with the details of the oh-so-exciting transition, I'd like to touch on the current condition of my new abode. While I do love it, and the location is spectacular, there are a good variety of cons of living in the city which I will gladly share with you now.

The rents are high. This is both a good and bad thing. Money is a lot tighter than before, however, the community holds so much culture, consisting of broke poets, playwrights and college students that frequent the local coffee shops on the Westport strip to mingle with like-minded individuals. There are also a wide variety of bars and clubs in the area to satisfy your alcoholic divulges and drown any notions of rent taxation anyway.

Next quirk. I'm under the impression that these buildings were constructed before the invention of electricity. Power outlets are scarce in the new apartment, and we have a strange room, cleverly named the "sun room", that relies completely on sunlight without the capability of artificial lighting at all. Also, the walls are constructed out of brick, bragging an enduring battle to even the most motivated curtain hanger.

Last, but certainly not least - air quality. My first investment was an ionic air purifier to neutralize all the mold content that (I now proudly say) used to linger within its confines. I have mild allergies already, but a couple steps inside threw me into a sneezing attack. I'm pretty sure I sneezed 14 times in a row initially.

The pros really do out-weight the cons though, and I might talk about them some other time when I'm more settled in and can actually enjoy them. For now, I have about eighteen more boxes to unpack and test to study for.

As always, thanks for reading.

/jaime.

ps. For whatever reason, the current "mood" field - when you post blogs, was set by default to "unhealthy". I think it's fitting given the circumstances.
1 Comments
Mood: unhealthy
inspiration: Me l World lll

dessert last night. Sep 22nd, 2007 8:02:42 pm - Subscribe
(names shortened to first letters.. try not to get too confused.)

dramatic, dramatic, dramatic.
my friends love to attract drama.

started out pretty normal. all of us were going out to go to a hockey game and to have fun.

all good, right? not so much.

in the beginning, i was at s's house with k. s found out about k liking b, and s is really into b, too. what s didnt know was b was planning to ask out k that night, and k knew it. she just didnt feel like letting s know, and TRIED to keep it a secret, which she is very, veeery bad at.

the first period of the game was all good. we were all pretty happy, a lot more people than we expected showed up, and everyone was getting along. until intermission. k and b decided to leave together, and we didnt know we wouldnt really be seeing them much after that. i was with quite a few people, but s was on my back about k and b. what was i supposed to say, i had no idea where those 2 were. i met up with b, and made a new friend, t. hes a nice guy.

the second period k decided to come back. she told me her and b were officially a couple. great, what else? they also made out. and i had to spend the night with s.

oh, joy.

second period, made a few more new friends. also found out im secretly a bat? sweet. the second period went okay, k left for b again, i was talking with all the guys and s and a, and new friend c. hes a nice guy, too. also turns out j, w, m, and t decided to leave. who knows what they left to do, but they ditched j. i feel bad for that guy. i have a feeling they did something bad, as in against the law?. i hate those guys anyway. not the best guys to hang around with.

the rest of the game was alright, said goodbye to the new friends, same friends, and everyone else.

back to s's house. another t, a, and c were there. theyre good guys too. and s's sister had about 18 people over.

well, me and s slept outside. she did not stop talking about how incredibly mad she was about k and b. i heard about it for about 4 hours until i fell asleep (about 3-3:30 am). i wonder if she noticed?

but im too tired to write more now. there isnt much more to last night anyway. so ill leave it at that.

cant wait until monday.
actually, yes, yes i can.

more later.
3 Comments
Mood: ill