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dessert new blog (: - Subscribe
i'm quite excited. more later.
2 Comments
Mood: clean

outsidebox Overdue for a change of pace. Sep 14th, 2007 4:02:19 pm - Subscribe
So…now that my political picture is painted perfectly clear, I can adjust the frame and leave it somewhat off-center.

Band practice went really well last night. My band is an acoustic-folk project and screams "emotional" in the worst way - but it's full of meaning and deep-rooted melodically-engineered feeling. Eventually, after we've digitalized our sound (put it online), I'll start up a MySpace and post the link up here so you can catch the breeze of some modernly uplifting, but somewhat depressing singer/songwriter compositions that I've pieced together.

Musically speaking, I've set some pretty obtainable goals. I don't really care to be famous, and hell, money's great, but I'd play for free - location permitting. I know this is cliché, but making music is so much more to me than just parties and an unlimited supply of attractive groupies. I want to touch people with my words. I want to save your life - as music has saved my life. Not in a religious way. In a spiritual way.

It's channeled me to re-think the suicide setup. It has taught me so much during the instrumental periods in my life where ending it all was the easy way out. More than anything - it's shown me that other people have been where I've been, and everything will eventually be okay.

Some people's parents wrap them in a blanket of warmth, securing this premise. Some people have their religious idols to reassure them.

I have my music.

/jaime
2 Comments
Mood: sublime
What I did today: Me l World ll

outsidebox September 11th, 2007 Sep 11th, 2007 6:34:41 pm - Subscribe
truth (trooth)
noun.
1. Conformity to fact or actuality.
2. A statement proven to be or accepted as true.
3. Sincerity; integrity.
4. Fidelity to an original or standard.

Today I offer the world solace in its search for the truth. I'm happy to see a few groups and organizations dedicated to questioning the "truth".

I noticed something that kinda hurt my heart as I drove down Metcalf, near the Corporate sector on Outlook. I noticed not one American flag is at half mass today. While everyone recognizes this day as a day of loss, I think everyone has pretty much moved on and written off the reminder that we, regardless of fault, at some point in our lives, are seconds from dying. My thoughts are with the lives lost in 9/11, and if I was anything more than a computer technician, I'd supply much needed funds to the friends and family that lost loved ones during this tragic bookmark in history.

There is a lesson to be learned, an upside to every downward-spiraled story, a happy ending and a note-worthy-mention in a sad song: Live free. Love free. Die, but journey well.




This is not as good as it gets. America is not okay, and you should never be satisfied. I will never settle, and as an American with a well-oiled thought process, I will never rest. I won't allow a government fueled by fast cash and control over the majority to drown me in lies and fog my perception with notions of "terrorism" and "justice-minded" acts of war.

I won't, because I can't. I hope you won't either. We are stronger than the government. We are smarter than the government, and we fight with something much more damaging than the pen or the gun - our hearts.


United we fall.

9/11 Organizations:

Loose Change 911 - www.loosechange911.com

911 Truth - www.911truth.org


I love you all. The truth will set you free.



/jaime

1 Comments
Mood: toxic
What I did today: Me l World llll

end-of motions. Sep 8th, 2007 8:29:14 pm - Subscribe
I awake
from deepest sleep.
jarring alarm;
the day begins.

and I
breathe out.
get up,
dressed, and into class.

I smile,
I pretend
I'm not alone
for your benefit.

I go to lunch
and talk about
nothing that matters.
I laugh.

I go back
to my house,
to my room,
to my bed.

and for you,
I pretend
it is a
home to me.

I lie awake
in the night,
reminding myself
that I'm alive.

my autopilot
answers and responses
are not me.
I'm not a shell.

and for you,
I don't cry.
I maintain
my mask.

I numb
the emptiness;
drug my mind
with stories.

and I sleep,
dreaming deeply
of you - just
out of my reach.
1 Comments
Mood: numb.

outsidebox The Government on Cycle "Spin".. Sep 7th, 2007 6:10:09 am - Subscribe
Ron Paul is for ending the war - and not just because it's an unpopular war, he voted against the war in the first place. He's against it because he knows something that you don't = this war was not started as an "anti-terrorism" campaign; this war is the end result of money and capitalizing on the construction of an oil monopoly in the Middle East. Don't be so willing to wash out the possibility that your own government not only knew, but potentially aided the attack that happened on 9/11.

"Oh my god. Did he just suggest the government knew about - and was potentially involved - in the attack on 9/11!?"

Yes. I'm no government official with clearance to that kind of information, but a sick Sunday evening shifting through political documents and investigation reports is all it takes to catch the hint of something fishy in the air. What better way to get the sheep behind a war fueled by the oil companies and Middle East resources?

But - Bin Laden took the credit for 9/11, right? So it couldn't have been our government. Well, before your razor perception get's ahead of you, let's examine the facts for a minute. The only evidence tying the link between Bin Laden and the World Trade Centers looks like it was shot from a poor quality cell phone. I mean, think about it - all it takes is a turban, a little bit of facial work, and a dimly lit room shooting off low-grade equipment to re-capture the Bin Laden confession. Other countries would like to taste credit for the attack so bad; who's to say Bin Laden wasn't just the first to hop on the hate train, assuming it actually -was- him. Now - let's move on.

Mission Impossible. Fight Club. The Time Machine.

Theatrical movies. Stellar special effects. Do you honestly think your wonderful government did not have the potential and resources to fool you into a hopeless war? I hope you've thought about this before now, but if not, welcome to the dark side of life in your United States. Our government had already been fucking you long before you had the capacity to open the bottle of lube.

Not only has the government been lying to you, but during the Bush presidency - not one, not two - but over 8 constitutional amendments - your constitutional rights - have been reduced and directly and UNLAWFULLY violated by the president himself. Let's examine the "Patriot Act" which Bush states, and you mindlessly agree, "protects" you from terror.. This act entitles the government to take your civil liberties away and march into your home without notice at any time, for any reason.

Don't move. You're trading your rights for the illusions of safety.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out the effectiveness of this fucked up plan - All it takes is cold-hearted politicians playing puppet masters with your life.

Perspective time - line:

September 11th, 2001 - Two world trade centers hit by "hi-jacked" planes. One hits the Pentagon. What about the third building? The third building that collapsed that day was never hit by a plane, and information regarding it's collapse was never disclosed. It was later released that "fire" was the cause of the collapse in all three buildings that day. Everything else about the third building's collapse has been classified. Do that math.

Moving on: During the plane-building collisions, the VERY SAME DAY, THE VERY SAME HOUR, simulators where being run through with dummy plane/building missions, so whenever NORAD received the call, not only did their pilots not accomplish anything after they were airborne, but it took them 80 minutes to figure out that this was a real nationwide emergency and not a sim. 4 times NORAD failed that day - before that, they organization's accuracy was 100%. Vice President Dick Cheney was in charge of NORAD operations that day, and directed their flight patterns from the vault below the White House.

October 26th, 2001 - George W. Bush implements the "Patriot Act" which allows government officials and law-enforcement authorities at any time, and without the notification of any court to search any of your e-mail and telephone communications, medical and financial records - infringing on your civil liberties. The bill passed through both sides of Congress with flying colors, although several challenges to the bill have been submitted and the Federal courts have declared at least one section of the bill "unconstitutional".

July 2005 - the U.S. Senate passed a reauthorization bill with substantial changes to several sections of the act, while the House reauthorization bill kept most of the act's original language. The two bills were then reconciled in a conference committee that was criticized by Senators from both parties for ignoring civil liberty concerns. The "compromise bill," which removed most of the changes from the Senate version, passed Congress on March 2, 2006 and was signed into law by President Bush on March 9, 2006.

Well, what does the government have to gain out of all this?
...two things:

One - more control over you. Intelligence. Not just knowing what you have been up to, but monitoring you presently however they see fit.

Two - 9/11 gave the government a citizen backing for an attack in IRAQ and AFGANISTAN. You feel that you life is at risk - you give up civil liberties and you fold to a government who has promised to "strike fear in the hearts of terrorists". News flash: Your government is the terrorist. It's time to drown the fog with truth. Quit being sheep and listening to the array or bullshit that corporate media (backed by the government, no doubt) is feeding you.

It's time for a revolution. Check out www.RonPaul2008.com and take a second to look at his position on policies. He believes in small government involvement. He believes in your constitutional rights. He was against this bullshit-propaganda-filled-war from the beginning - not like these other politicians who dropped support after the war became unpopular. He is the only presidential candidate that was against it from the beginning.

Knowledge trickles down from the top tier of things. Ron Paul knew the true agenda of the war, and the president's position on oil. He was the minority. What hurts is that Ron Paul unfortunately does not deal in dirty campaign contributions, and therefore his funding hinders his popularity.

Look - I feel better in writing this because now you can't say that you weren't warned.

Stop being sheep. Wake up.


Resources and related information:

www.zeitgeistmovie.com â€" 2 hour eye opening documentary on your government. You have to watch this. Make a night of it.

www.unamerican.com - lots of good resources and outside-of-the-box thinking.

www.ronpaul2008.com - the man, his positions.

www.youtube.com and www.google.com - look up Ron Paul. Please, listen to the debates.

Learn, and vote with confidence.

Thanks for reading.

/jaime
0 Comments
Mood: focused
What I did today: Me l World lll

end-of blood sunset. Jun 16th, 2007 6:56:52 pm - Subscribe
From here,
the sunrise
seems so long ago.
Where we lay
and the stars
faded into the dawn.

And I stand
in the last
crimson rays
of a beautiful day;
a sunset
like life's blood
finally draining away.

And it's beautiful -
these last days
in the dying light
are beautiful -
perhaps the most
wonderous yet.

In the crimson glow,
as the heat fades,
I won't think about
the coming night -
the darkness
that will rise -
the loss of the light.

These have been
the best days
of my life.


I can't think about
the approaching night.
With all that I am,
I cling to what is left -
these sunset hours
of the happiest times.

And I try to will the spark
of your sunlight to remain
alive.
0 Comments
Mood: here.

end-of penelope's requiem. May 24th, 2007 10:18:15 pm - Subscribe
lay down here,
don't argue so.
all defenses down
soft and slow.

through skylights
we forgot about,
the grey light shows.
and the sound
of the rain
and the sound
of the rain
goes on.

sweet distractions;
forget your plans.
lose yourself in
holding nothing back.

through skylights
we forgot about,
the grey light shows.
and the sound
of the rain
and the sound
of the rain
goes on.

fully captivated;
no desire to leave.
remain at my side
and forget all your dreams.

a shadow at home
awaits you;
you won't come -
tears will fall like rain.

through skylights
we forgot about,
the grey light shows.
and the sound
of the rain
and the sound
of the rain
goes on.

through windows
you left behind,
a cold wind shudders.
and the rain
in my heart
the rain
in my heart
goes on.
0 Comments
Mood: lonely and bitter.
What I did today: Penelope was the wife of Odysseus. He left home for seven years and had all sorts of fun while she waited for him.

end-of impermanence. May 20th, 2007 5:07:18 am - Subscribe
I woke up to
the screaming of families;
I woke up feeling
my skin dissolve -

and I don't know where
my dreams run to;
in the light, where
all is revealed.

but it's real:
I looked on as
worlds were torn down
beneath fiery skies.

and all that I struggle for
can be lost in a moment
and all of my passion
could not save me.

there is no
reasoning with fate
or with a bullet,
or a blade.

any minute I could
wake up with
life collapsing upon me -
or nothing left at all.

so hold on to me.
hold me here; now -
one life or one love;
don't let it go.

I don't want to be alone.
0 Comments
Mood: struggling.
What I did today: my difficulty coming to terms with my own mortality; with the impermanence of love and of life.

end-of awake. May 6th, 2007 2:44:34 pm - Subscribe
all these weeks
asleep beneath
a metre of the darkness
I wrap myself in.

I don't want to
dream through this,
and I won't
look away anymore.

all those days
convincing myself
that this is just
how I am -

it's not.
and I'm awake
to choose my own way
I won't let life happen to me.

awake
and alive;
with your voice
in my heart,

and sunlight
everywhere
that used to be
dark.
1 Comments
Mood: :)

end-of light May 4th, 2007 3:20:24 am - Subscribe
you see me
a confused, jumbled mess

I've tied
myself up in knots

chased my tail
until it was caught

and you look at me
with incredulity

why do I let
life get to me?

but all I want
is for you to

untangle me;
put me right again.

I run myself
into the ground

and fall to pieces
at a word

I drag you down
into my darkness

but all I want
is for you to see
the light I'm giving you.
0 Comments
Mood: pathetic.

end-of twenty-one days. Mar 21st, 2007 1:09:20 am - Subscribe
Every piece of me
that goes into this suitcase -
folded neatly;
screaming quietly:
"twenty-one days!" -
it tears a hole.

Everything that I am
is here;
is you.
Home doesn't travel well
at all.

How can I leave?
How can I fly away?

I'll go, and I won't cry.
But every step I take
while far away
will bring me a step closer to home,
and every moment
a little nearer to it being over.
1 Comments
Mood: dreading the moment I leave.
What I did today: I hate travelling.

end-of pangaea Mar 16th, 2007 4:07:53 am - Subscribe
I fit into you
like South America
into Africa.

without you, I drift:
my thoughts
become oceans;
miles of water between jigsaw coasts.

buildings swallow people
(just like love)
and spit them out again
when fluorescence
makes their eyes ache
and their hearts long for the sun.

all the uncertain islands
of missing pieces
come together -
strong, solid ground -
in your eyes.

turn back
time-floods
bring us
together again.
1 Comments
Mood: quietly pining.
What I did today: maps and primordial soup.

end-of the river. Feb 22nd, 2007 5:11:14 am - Subscribe
I cannot speak -
my throat is cut.
time is short;
my days are numbered.

don't -
please don't -
force me back
into myself

I had nearly
I had very nearly escaped.

don't touch me;
I won't go.
I'll run!

I'll run,
I'll get away...

I cannot sing;
the river dreams
of skeletal birds
and twisted trees.

and the trap yawns -
I see my relfection
in its teeth,
waiting for myself.

waiting for me to come back,
to drag me in again.

I cannot scream -
my throat is cut.
relief is fleeting;
good days are numbered.
3 Comments
Mood: desperate >.<

end-of words... Feb 17th, 2007 6:51:32 am - Subscribe
where your skin
begins

words fail me.

your breath is my
heartbeat;

your eyes
my relief -

words fail me.

you take me
into your arms.

I can be strong; I
can believe,

but I
cannot speak.

at the point
where you begin,

words are rendered
meaningless.

too insignificant
to colour passion -

words
fail me.
0 Comments
Mood: :)

end-of frayed. Feb 15th, 2007 7:08:31 am - Subscribe
another chapter -
in which:

millions of metres
above my insomniac head,
a castle on a cloud
disintegrates into dust.

and I pick at
the remaining threads
instead of trying
to mend the hole.

I plug my ears
with cynicism
to keep from hearing
any more about heaven.
1 Comments
Mood: hovering between extremes.

end-of eternal. Feb 13th, 2007 5:41:01 am - Subscribe
amaranth:
a flower never fading -

a mythical forever
that cannot be possessed.

ever sought for,
always lost;

beauty unmarred
by passing ages

I found its light
in the depths

amaranth,
forever does not exist.

I reach out, and you
wither before my eyes.

time touches all
no petal can elude its winter

amaranth
a flower never fading

amaranth,
a fairytale for open hearts

amaranth,
look into your winter now:

forever is not real -
forever is not real.
0 Comments
Mood: weary.

end-of your thorn. Jan 30th, 2007 6:54:35 am - Subscribe
you turn
your face
away from me;

say I make you
sick -

I make you sick.

and with only words,
you make me into
the thorn.

I, the illness
that twists your stomach;

I,
the venom
that poisons your breath;

I speak as
your treacherous,
torturous disease:

oh, god,
what I'd give to be
free of your veins.

oh, my enemy and creator,
the thorn in your skin

would die to
return to its vine
and just be.
2 Comments
Mood: prickly.

end-of time passes. Dec 31st, 2006 8:39:27 pm - Subscribe
upon the last day
frozen skies
and flat grey light

I reach back still
unwilling to lose my hold
on the days gone by
memories too dear
to let become simply that.

and still regrets
and fear for the unknown

what difference can I cause;
I that crawl but a corner
of this vast place?

the beautiful,
frightening thing
about time is
it passes.

the wonderful,
terrible thing
about life is
it ends.

and what have I
to prevent the ages
from sweeping me up
in their tides?

I have words -

I have words.
0 Comments
Mood: wistful.
What I did today: 2007.

end-of eve. Dec 25th, 2006 6:54:21 am - Subscribe
in the deep dark,
harmony rings -
it calls to me, oh,
calls to me.

let sleep rest heavy
upon dreaming eyelids,
and come to me now,
come to me.

the weary world drifts
away into
oceans of light
and colour.

and I dream;
in dreams I find
the thread of a song
unravelling again.

and ever the promise
of light beyond -
calling to me:
oh, come to me.
0 Comments
Mood: content.
What I did today: merry christmas.

end-of stars. Dec 15th, 2006 5:12:45 am - Subscribe
lying in a net
of someone else's
golden star lights,
I can't help but feel colder.

breathing on borrowed time.
every touch burns;
every word aches-
beautiful cherished pinpricks.

and while each embrace
is bittersweet,
the empty spaces
are cold with desire.

repentance for tears
and loneliness in anticipation
but I can't help it;
I want you.

a swarm of what-ifs
swim round like fish
darting to brush my skin
sending a shiver

in dreams I fight
I'll scream at the mirror
don't look at me that way
we'll make it - we have to.

every chord played
upon my heartstrings
sick with longing
oh, I need you

I can't help it;
I need you

hopelessly holding out
against time
we cannot give in
neither in spirit nor words

a small, voiceless thing,
bound by root to earth;
I grow towards your fire,
careless that I may burn.

I can't help it;
I want you.

in some star-mariner's net
we lie shivering
in the light
confused, but together

life's unending traffic circle
at once
proves and disproves
the theory of forever

and I am afraid
you'll go, and leave me
stone-blind again;
strike the lyrics from my lips.

and you are afraid
that if we should part,
I'll not
breathe again.

I will always
breathe for you -
I can't help it;
I love you,

and words
are too fragile
to tie down
to this living feeling.

I'll hold your light
and quell your fears;
I will be there when
the stars fall into the sea.

how can I help it?
I love you.
0 Comments
Mood: impressed - look! it's MORE fish symbology!