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the_corbin
TWENTY TWO - Subscribe
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| first night since ive moved that i have had a really good time in a really good setting with some really good people. tonite reminded me of some of the best times ive had in toronto - home cooking at someones apartment with some good tunes, good wine and good conversation. it was bizarre because every social event since school started has felt quite 'set up' and contrived. these times have been good, and ive been thankful all week for the opportunity to meet some new students and talk about history with people from different fields over beer. but tonite was so much more informal and felt infinitely more comfortable. i was sitting around a new friend's coffee table with several new friends talking about things other than school... ideas, music, travel, apartments, relationships, languages, and history ---- but history for the love of it, not history for the 'job' or 'career' of it. in a dimly lit and spacious apartment only several blocks away from my own, i felt closer to toronto than ive felt in weeks... but surrounded by new people, it certainly feels totally different. |
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the_corbin
TWENTY THREE Sep 7th, 2007 3:45:09 am - Subscribe
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it was six thirty by the time i got home from school. the undergrad lecture in the early afternoon, followed by more reading, and my evening seminar. it felt like an especially long day because of how much i actually got done. but i feel like the weight of the week is what is exhausting me. next week will be longer and will require words from the pen, which is a bit terrifying. this week i've read (nearly) three books and over four articles, corrected over seventy undergraduate paper assignments, and laundered one load of clothing; attended one faculty-graduate pizza party and had one too many at bear's on the other end of campus last night. it was a bit seedy, but the beer was fine and i felt at home, among new friends. that was last night. today im looking forward to a friday free to work on my presentation for next week. today's discussion about a monograph regarding the German homefront during WWI offered little in the way of conversation about war. politics, class, gender. these are all central themes to the work. i was itching to discuss the battlefront - or at least the relationship between home and battlefront - , which never happened. i will be directing discussion next week and my selected monograph shifts the focus back to the battlefront. today's wasn't the easiest of discussions, i might add. i know how i am, though. it typically takes me a discussion or two to feel comfortable and to participate in full and with confidence. my friend picked me up when i got home and we got milkshakes at the chocolate moose to celebrate a week just about done. |
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the_corbin
TWENTY FOUR Sep 8th, 2007 3:19:00 am - Subscribe
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In a day my great week was turned upside down with the digestion of a problem that was presented to me little while back. this is a problem with no easy answer and with various issues that will undoubtedly affect me and my work. i came to terms with it and now i have to figure out what to do next. but i opened up my assigned book and came to another realisation regarding the reading in my hands: i dont buy the argument. not only do i not buy the argument - i know exactly why i do not buy it. a good friend who knows me very well suggested i read a trusted essay on combat and the history of violence and the first world war to cheer myself up; and it did. |
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the_corbin
TWENTY FIVE Sep 9th, 2007 4:20:33 am - Subscribe
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i simply can not understand how (some) historians can fail to recognize or deny the existence of a separate trench reality in the first world war. i got angry today with [historian of war violence and humor] when discussing the work i am currently reviewing on assigment. the conversation escalated to obscenities but before it did, we decided that the historian whose work i am reviewing has either never read a history (or even novel) about the holocaust, or is simply a robot with no conception of the frailty of human life and the power of relationships in terrifying situations that defy reason and understanding. i darkened my hair today in an attempt to sharpen my direction. i needed a change and i do feel slightly transformed. discussed the nature of disappointment in friendship. i told him if you can count on one hand the number of friends who have not and never will disappoint you, you are lucky. realised im pleased i have (about) a hand of my own. waiting for some direction on the bigger issue that has been haunting me. hopefully ill get some clarity on this soon. finally, its raining in the midwest. |
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the_corbin
TWENTY SIX Sep 12th, 2007 5:41:06 am - Subscribe
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good news and good advice left me with a good attitude this evening for group historiography seminar. the book was right up my alley and i had a lot to say. i felt good while i was saying it, then came home and wondered why i felt so down. i feel drained this week and look forward to my own assignments taking less time to prepare. a year off from this type of brain work has left me wondering where my old efficient habits have run off to. can it be that only one year can profoundly affect my habits and skills? im trying to imagine how long it will take before ive found my groove again, but i feel i have nearly no brain power left after today, and that i must conserve any residual power for tomorrow morning to start up again. |