Napoleon's Feet - a graduate student's step(s) between the sublime and the ridiculous

FIFTY THREE

Sep 11th, 2008 6:10:15 am - Subscribe

while i was giving my first undergraduate lecture (just filling in for an absent professor) i literally forgot about the hours i had spent waiting in sheer terror for these moments. for sixty minutes i spoke, i asked and answered questions, i walked around, i pointed to images, i communicated. what was more surprising to me, and ultimately more thrilling, was the fact that a number of students participated in my discussion, enthusiastically and thoughtfully. i even got my first positive feedback, which really makes me feel swell about this huge component of what i am aiming to do with my life.

it goes without saying that most graduate students will feel terror at the prospect of teaching or lecturing. but need it be brushed under a rug? even the most seasoned professors must get jittery sometimes. why dont people talk about this? why isnt this even an issue when we are welcomed into graduate school? i wonder if there might be a way to ease graduate students into the teaching environment prior to their AI appointment. i cant imagine why we should feel ashamed for feelings of anxiety. public speaking is one thing : teaching is quite, quite another.

yet i cant help but pat myself on the back for what i consider a job well done. i was terrified until i turned on my powerpoint. the class was small, the discipline and topic were foreign, but i was reasonably prepared. i know not all of the classes i will teach in my career will run so smoothly or pleasantly, but its enough for me for now to know that they can, in fact, be positive. would it be lame to express enthusiasm for the next lecture i will most likely give in the near future? no matter. lame is the new cool, i hear.