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axa Move Along [09.25.2006] - Subscribe
When all you got to keep is strong, move along like I know you do.

Life is too short for some of us.

Brandon Withers, a student at my high school, passed away very recently. He died in a car accident, on his way back from Career Center to school.

For certain reasons [my being sick], I wasn't at school today to see the Tribute to him. I heard from Jane that it was very emotional. So emotional that she made me promise I wouldn't die. Emotional enough to make the toughest guys at shed a plethora of tears.

I have this feeling that I knew Brandon Withers, but I can't put a face to the name right now. I know that when I do finally remember who he is, I'll be more shaken than I already am.

Brandon was, most likely, a Senior. He was, most likely, only seventeen years old. At best he was eighteen. Whether he was seventeen or eighteen doesn't matter. It is that fact that he was young that matters. He still had a full life ahead of him. A full life that can't be lived now, because he died too soon.

Someone wrote on the rock at school: "When all you got to keep is strong move along like I know you do."

When I think of that, it makes me want to break down in tears. If I see it tomorrow when I go to school, I know that I am going to cry.

It was just last weekend at Homecoming that myself and hundreds of the students at school were jumping and dancing and singing to that song at school. A week ago Brandon Withers could have been jumping and dancing and singing that song with us - in fact he might have been [I don't know if he went to Homecoming]. Now he can't jump. He can't dance. He can't sing.

He can't do anything ever again.

I can't even think of dying at the age of seventeen. There are so many things I want to do with my life. I'm sure Brandon had things he wanted to do with his life. But now he doesn't even have a chance at those things.

It's a wake up call that anyone I know - even myself - could die tomorrow. Or today. Or any day in the near future. We aren't immortal. We're capable of dying.

I don't want to die. I'm not ready to die. What if Brandon Withers thought that in the moments before he died? In his last moments, did he pray for his life to be spared? Did he scream at the thought of dying? Did he cry?

Life can end so abruptly. Sometimes we don't even see it coming, it's so unexpected.

Brandon Withers was a popular guy. He was friends with most of the football team. And most of the football team broke down today in tears. His best friend couldn't stop crying, I was told.

He was loved. And he will be missed.

Rest in Peace, Brandon Withers.
I can only hope that in the time that you were alive, that you lived your life to the very fullest.

♥ R.I.P. Brandon Withers ♥
1 Comments
Mood: desolate

axa Unable to Focus Sep 22nd, 2006 1:37:48 pm - Subscribe
I cannot seem to concentrate today. At all. I have tried very hard to pay attention, but for some reason or another my attention span has been unsually short. In Psychology, I was distracted from copying my notes [not too surprising since the substitute was playing a movie at the time]. Then I missed half of the movie because I got into a conversation with another person at my table. Thus, I finished half of my work, and viewed half of a movie. Don't I feel complete? To top it off, I couldn't concentrate in Latin either. All I know is that the new chapter's story is about the Chariot Races. I completely missed hearing the translation of it. Once I completed my Latin quiz on 'ille' and 'hic', I started doodling and did so for the rest of the class period. I wish Kasler would have called me on it. If she had raised a complaint, I would have put away the doodle and forced myself to pay attention. Normally I would have the self-control to concentrate on Latin while drawing, but today was not a day for multi-tasking. Oh well.

I am done with my work for Computer Apps, unless he gives us more when we come back from lunch [but he usually doesn't]. So I suppose that means my attention will be dreadfully short while I'm roaming the internet. I doubt that I will stay on Smartania long enough today to enjoy their wit. Still, there is nothing else to do on the internet at school that would interest me. Perhaps taking a shot at those commissions would do me some good. My art block may or may not still be plaguing me. I'll just have to see, I guess.

I'm miffed, as well. Jane and I planned a sleepover at her house, in which we were going to enjoy a Yaoi movie, and then finish the anime Fruits Basket. I only have two episodes left to watch, and I want to finish it, damn it. And then we were planning on eating something for dinner, before we went up to her room to hang out [drawing, fangirl-ing, things of that nature]. This morning Tasha, another friend of mine, invited me to her house for a sleepover. I told her that I already had plans with Jane, and she pretty much told me to cancel them and go to her house. She said that Jane could come over and we would have a sleepover at her house.

There are several problems with this plan of hers:
  • I already have plans.
  • I hate her house.
  • I don't like her father.
  • Her father is creepy.
  • She doesn't like Yaoi.
  • She doesn't like even hearing about Yaoi.
  • What we do at her house is limited to watching TV, and watching her enjoy the internet.


Most likely Tasha will be angry at me. I told her I would talk to Jane about it, but I have no intentions of changing sleepover plans. She needs to plan in advance, and tell me in advance. If not, then I refuse to just drop my previous weekend plans. I've been waiting for this sleepover with Jane all week. Tasha can get the hell over it. I can spend the night at her house any time, but I get one day a week to hang out with Jane, now. That day is today. Thankfully her parents allow that day to be a sleepover that consists of Friday and Saturday.

Really. Tasha annoys me with her belief that her ideas hold utmost importance in all matters. She must be the center of attention, or she will bitch and complain about it.

Alright, I should calm down, yes? Getting pissed off would be pointless. I'm in control of this situation and I have the final say as to what will be going on tonight. Well, technically Jane has the final say, but I think that she will understand when I tell her that I really don't want to spend the night at Tasha's.

Changing subjects, today I would have broken dress code if I had worn part of the outfit with something else. The jeans that I am wearing, comfortable as they are, have FRAYS on the POCKETS. No holes. Just FRAYS. And they tell me I can't wear them to school. What the hell is that? So I dressed emo today and wore a dress too, with my pants under it to hide the fray on my pockets. I can no longer wear this dress to school, because it's too short now. Nevermind that when I wore a classy white button up with it that it looked like I was going to work. Oh no. It doesn't matter. It shows my knees, which apparently are too sexy for high school. Or some shit like that.


You watch. They'll ban high heels next, because their purpose is to make a girl's legs and ass look good. And heaven forbid that a girl is alllowed to look like a girl anymore. When will they understand that girls will look at guys and/or girls depending on preference, and guys are going to look at girls and/or guys depending on preference. No matter how much they strive to cover the bodies of both sexes, it is not going to stop the boys and girls from looking at each other.

And if it happens to be that the school is worried that the teachers are going to do things with the students, then they should be concerned first about the world that we live in. If it has come to the point that sexual harassment is a teacher complimenting a student about how they look, then the world we strive to live in is fucked up. In fact, the society that we live in right now can suck my figurative cock.

Now that I think about it, sexual harassment has become the trivialist of things. God forbid boys and girls compliment each other, that's a sexual harassment lawsuit. Checking out a person's legs or ass? You can slap a lawsuit on that son of a bitch. This method of protecting people makes as much sense as white doll with bear will be having later cannon.

Sexual harassment should be defined by:

  • Vulgar comments involving a person's body or preference.
  • Inappropriate touching between a willing and unwilling party.
  • Other things of this nature.


Sexual harassment should NOT be defined by:

  • A teacher complimenting a student.
  • Inappropriate touching between two willing parties.
  • A person complimenting another person.
  • A person admiring another person's body, unless the person is unwilling.


But cheese and fucking crackers. The school system has gotten ridiculous with the dress code to prevent sexual harassment. In my opinion, their attempts are in vain. Perverts that sexually harass others aren't going to stop just because you try to keep the students from dressing provocatively, a term I use loosely in this case.

I got of topic. No surprise with my attention span today.
0 Comments
Mood: miffed

axa Conversations on Dreams [09.21.2006] Sep 21st, 2006 11:43:39 am - Subscribe
I woke up at 6:00 this morning, initially. The next thirty minutes of my morning were spent gradually waking up to the point of coherence. I got dress, prepared my lunch, and grabbed a small breakfast. Before I left the house I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror and realize just how short my hair is now. I don't mind it, in fact I like my hair short. It's easier to deal with.

Instead of going to Dance this morning, I went to Chess, because I needed to finish homework for Psychology. Of which I barely got finished before I had to go to said class.

Psychology was rather interesting today. We watched a few videos on the brain and all of its nifty functions. Except the videos were boring and I ended up getting tired watching them. Now I'm rather sleepy again. But not as sleepy as I am hungry. Breakfast didn't cut it apparently, because my stomach is protesting loudly about not being fed. Thank god for lunch soon.

In Latin I had to make up a quiz I didn't take yesterday for being absent the day before. I missed seven for sure, and probably a few more than that. It'll be a bad quiz grade, I think. The chapter story we just finished reading was centered around a character having a nightmare. Which set us on the subject of dreams. Speculation was tossed that if you die in a dream then you die in reality, and that people always wake up just before. I can't say that's true. I've died in dreams before, and I only woke up shaken - I'm not dead. I didn't feel like mentioning it, however. Two others in the class were babbling incessantly about their dreams. Getting a word in edgewise would have been impossible.

Computer Apps sprung a Pop Test on us the moment we walked in. I'm sure I passed. Thanks for everyone wishing me good luck. Love you guys.

Alright. That was weird. At lunch the topic of Dreams came up. Twice in one day. That's just weird, because it isn't a common topic in school, unless we're talking Psychology here [which we're not].

I realize that I really cannot stand the people I eat lunch with. Emily happens to be part of their group, but personally I just don't like them. They either drink, drive recklessly, smoke, or do drugs. Or they do a combination of those. They have no respect for anyone, and half of them don't care whether they're going to make it out of high school. Not to mention most of them are just out right unintelligent.

Today is unusually cold. Autumn is coming, but this morning actually felt like Winter. I hate North Carolina's weather - it's too spontaneous. I nearly froze my butt off, dressed in a skirt and blouse. Still, I've gotten compliments on my outfit, so I don't regret wearing it.

I don't want to go to Forensics. Yesterday was a nightmare in there. I can understand why, though. They keep shuffling us through substitute teachers. It feels like no one wants us, and that is a terrible feeling to have. In some way, I think I know how unwanted foster children feel. Thankfully, Novak says we'll have a permanent teacher within a week or so. No more substitute teachers and that feeling of being abandoned by the school. However, back to the substitute. She was terrible. I don't think there was a second of the class period that she wasn't yelling at us. I was thinking maybe she was just upset because the students were treating her poorly, but she talked down to me and I haven't done anything wrong.

We were experimenting with finger-printing yesterday, which was rather interesting. Except for the fact that I happen to be allergic to some types of ink. Gell pen ink doesn't seem to bother me, but the ink used in finger-printing does, just like regular pen ink causes me to break out. I walked up to her to ask if I could go to the bathroom to wash the ink off, because I was clearly allergic and my hands were turning red. She proceeded to tell me that I could, but that it wouldn't help at all because the ink needed to wear off. Well, let me tell you, that ink didn't last with how hard I scrubbed my hands. Sure, my fingers were still red from the reaction, and they itched like a friend, but I would have been worse off if I hadn't gotten the ink off of my skin.

The woman is annoying. I'm glad she will be gone by Monday.

That's really all I have to say for today. Its time for Smartania reading.
2 Comments
Mood: spirited
Yaoi Fix: Turning that het porn picture into AxA. ;o;

axa Give or Take [09.20.2006] Sep 20th, 2006 1:36:46 pm - Subscribe
I didn't go to school yesterday. There was no blog entry because of that fact. I don't want to be at school today either, because my stomach is killing me. No matter how many heating pads I use, or how consistently I take my pain meds, my stomach isn't phased. Cramps seem to be immune to all forms of remedy. They exist to put women into unbearable bouts of pain, to cripple them and bring them to the point of tears. I hate them, and I can't wait for them to go away on their own. Since I apparently can't get rid of them through medical means.

On a lighter, yet still stressful note, I've been commissioned to draw six pictures. The first I'm very hesitant to draw. Basically, it's hetero porn. For some reason or another, I feel very wrong drawing hetero sex. Yaoi [homosexual] porn doesn't phase me a bit. I think what makes me feel so uneasy drawing it is that I'm putting a female into a sexual situation, and it feels wrong to me. Must be the small part of me that is feminist kicking up. However, they've yet to send payment for the picture and I've asked for it on three occasions. I think it's time that I changed the picture into Yaoi and make it enjoyable for me.

I've been whoring Smartania for most of today, so my entry happens to be unusually short.

The shirts Jane, Emily, and I ordered from Neighborhoodies are finally in the Production Phase. Which means they will ship out within the next couple of weeks. Yip, yip.

Next class is Forensics, with a teacher who freaks out when students slouch while they're reading. She also spazzes when people are OMG chewing gum! She's high strung, and fairly bitchy. I'm not very enthusiastic about heading to fourth period. Except that I get to see Jane, who claims that she is going to slide notes under my butt so that we can communicate - because talking in Forensics class is now a felony. I've heard that her third period class is giving the new substitute a hell of a time. And apparently fourth period has started a petition to get a permanent teacher. Hopefully that has some promise.
0 Comments
Mood: annoyed

axa Celebration [09.18.2006] Sep 18th, 2006 1:08:33 pm - Subscribe
In school we're celebrating Constitution Day. Regardless of the fact that Constitution Day was yesterday. Today was an excuse for the school to send the History classes to a seminar telling us about the war we're in today. Not to say that it was a bad seminar, but it really didn't cover all too much about the constitution. I liked one of the speakers. He was sarcastic and witty, and he concentrated on controversial issues - like religion in school, and the war in Iraq, and freedom of speech. And he did it in such a way that no administrator dare shut him up, lest they be constricting his freedom of speech. I almost wish he would have covered the issue of our bullshit dress code. I'm sure he would be the type to speak his mind on the matter.

Speaking of the dress code, I couldn't wear a skirt today because it had a semi-slit above the knees. I've worn this outfit to work when I'm working with my mother, and I've worn it to church on several occasions. So please, someone tell me why it's inappropriate to wear to school if it's perfectly okay for me to wear in the business world and in a religious facility. Can you make sense of it? Of course not, because it doesn't make any sense at all. It's time to start bitching at the school board about the dress code getting out of hand.

I missed Psychology this morning, thanks to the Constitution Day seminar first period. I enjoy Psychology, and I would have liked to been in class today to learn something. My Forensics class should have gone instead during fourth period. After all, it's just a bullshit class that the school isn't taking seriously. We are starting our fourth week of school, and we still do not have a permanent teacher. Today we've been panned off to a new substitute, who may or may not know what the hell she's doing. I've heard that she's more of a bitch than our last substitute, which worries me. I barely tolerated Walters. I've heard that the Principal is not actively searching for a permanent teach for our Forensics class. So, basically, the school concocted an extra Forensics class and threw all the students that had holes in their schedules into it. They cannot seriously expect us to take a final in that class when they juggle us through multiple teachers, who teach using different methods. Walters would never shut her mouth long enough to let us take down serious notes. She would tell us to read the chapter and take notes, but then she would keep talking and expect us to listen to her. God forbid if we were writing while she was talking. Which is why I failed the first test so miserably - because I had no time to take down notes or concentrate on reading.

The principal needs to take the initiative and start teacher scoping for us. Most of us, as seniors, can't afford to fail a class because the school won't get off of its sorry ass to finds us a teacher. We need the best GPA that we can get, and this is not cutting it. At all. Perhaps a group of the seniors in Forensics need to pay a visit to Novak, and demand that he do his job. It can't be that hard to find a Chemistry teacher. Chemistry teachers are the teachers that teach Forensics. Or better yet. They shouldn't have made an extra Forensics class at all. Honestly, it's not even that popular of a class - our school is one of the few in North Carolina that actually offers it.

Ugh. I'm in a bad mood today. I think I'll take a relaxing bath when I get home.
0 Comments
Mood: irritated
Yaoi Fix: AxA anything.

axa Pictures: Twin Day-Homecoming [09.17.2006] Sep 17th, 2006 6:06:20 pm - Subscribe
I promised pictures. So here they are - starting with the pictures from Twin Day, of which I participated in with my friend Jane.

Click on the thumbnails to make it larger.



Myself: Wearing the black ribbon.
Jane: Wearing the white ribbon.

I said pictures of Twin Day, but really there was only one that I really liked. Taken on Jane's staircase by Emily. Ohyes. We look so cool.

Now onto Homecoming.



From left to right: Ian, Samantha, Emily, Terry, myself, Jane, Tasha.

Ian and Samantha have been dating for nearly four years now. They're probably going to get engaged at prom. Emily was called Cinderella for the night. Terry was our emo at the dance, because Emily wouldn't dance with him. And for some reason he was bunny-earring me. Bastard. Jane was looking pretty in her awesome pink dress bought the day before, and Tasha was looking ever so lovely.



The seven of us went to Best China for dinner before the Homecoming dance. This was Jane after we had finished eating.



Sammy's looking hopelessly confused as she tried to listen to Jane and get a picture taken all at once. She's not very good at multi-tasking.



Jane and I. For some reason, I look as though I'm glaring at the camera. Oh well. I have no picture of Terry, Tasha, or Emily from dinner. Because they were at another table.



Sammy and Ian. Ian looks like a child molester.



Jane and Tasha. Being all cool and Asian. Ohyes.



Emily and Tasha posing for the camera. It was this picture that started the series of "OMG AWESOME POSE" pictures.



Jane, Emily, and Tasha: the new Charlie's Angels. Like I said. Posing was adapted for several pictures.



Sammy joined in on the OMG AWESOME POSING!



So Tasha was definitely trying to hump Emily. Look at that evidence. It's incriminating. Sammy is being Ian's whore. Ian was apparently a pimp.



GIRLS ARE STRONG. LOLOL. Ian offered to be the next victim of our holding. We politely declined.



You can't tell, but Emily was copping a feel on my ass. For the first of many times that night at Homecoming. We had a lot of fun, using our knowledge of dancing that we obtained from two meetings of dance club.



The two girls at the left are Caitlin and Kaylie. They're members of the anime club, and spent most of the dancing hanging out with us.



Ian ruined this picture. He totally ruined it. It would have been really romantic, and a great picture to draw from if he'd been looking at Sammy. But no. He had to look at the camera. That whore.



My hair when we got back to my house. Not a strand out of place from the beginning of the dance. That's how much freaking hairspray was used to keep those curls in place.

Speaking of the curls, here's how I ended up with them. I took a shower before the dance, and decided to blow dry my hair and pull my bangs forward. It turns out my bangs were too long, and I couldn't see through them. So I asked my mom to take me to get them cut. I ended up getting my hair cut back to my shoulders. And then I decided I wanted to get my hair curled, and the woman doing my hair gave me a discount on it. [Generally formal hair costs 40 dollars. I only had to pay 25.] The hairsprayed it to death. My hair only starting getting messy when I took the clip out and went to sleep. It's still sticky, and I need to take a shower to get the rest of the hairspray out.

And that concludes the picture showing. I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't get too many pictures of myself, considering I really liked my dress. Oh well. I can still wear the dress, but the hair won't be styled again like that until prom.

Oh. And my feet are killing me. Dances are not meant to break in four inch heels. Oh no. Not at all. My poor feet.

That's all for today.
1 Comments
Mood: carefree
Yaoi Fix: AxA making up after an arguement. *w*

axa Good Ol' Mardi Gras [09.15.2006] Sep 15th, 2006 1:10:14 pm - Subscribe
Tonight several of my friends [Jane, Emily, Tasha, and maybe Samantha] and I are going dress shopping. It's for the homecoming dance, which is tomorrow night. Yes, some of us have waited until the last minute to buy our dresses. However. We're buying our dresses from a shop that is going out of business. And thus, all of the dress prices are absurdly low. Which is nice. I can be cheap with my shopping, like I do so love to be.

I'm doing excellent in several of my classes, which is wonderful. My grades thus far are:

Psychology: 95%
Latin: Grading not finished.
Computer Apps I: 97.3%
Forensics: Haven't been there yet to find out.

I was really surprised that my Psychology grade was so high, because I bombed a quiz today with a 50%. I thought I would do much worse, but a 105% on my test really saved my ass, I think. So far I know that I have two A's. I'm sure I have a C in Latin, or maybe a low B. Probably nothing higher though, and I hope nothing lower. In Forensics I'm sure I have an acceptable grade, even though I've been bullshitting the class because it's just busy work until we get a permanent teacher.

Speaking of Forensics, I get to miss half of that godforsaken class. Because the Homecoming football game is tonight, we're having a Pep Rally fourth period. It's exciting to me, even though I hate pep rallies. The source of my excitement is missing out on the WONDERFUL WORLD OF FORENSIC SCIENCE LOLOL. Can't you just feel the love?

So far my teachers have been nice concerning the homework. Kasler [Latin teacher] only assigned a section to be done, as opposed to her general "read and translate the story, complete a, b, and c for homework this weekend". Giving us a break is only a result of the dance Saturday, I'm sure. How nice of her, though. Sometimes I'm grateful that the school doesn't have enough books for most of the classes to taken them home. It cuts back on the amount of homework they can assign. Though I own a copy of the Psychology book, since one of my all-time favorite teachers gave me a copy [because I wanted to be able to study for the AP Psychology exam which I'll be taking at the end of this year]. Unfortunately, I haven't had Biology II, and I don't have a book that covers the Bio II curriculum. I should drop by my last school and see if my Bio teacher would give me one that's in poor condition.

In other news, I believe that Jane's father technically disowned her after she leaves for college. He made her promise not to come back to see him and her mother, because she told him she wasn't planning to come back. She said okay, but I think it might bother her a little that he said it. More so, though, I think it got to her father that she really can't stand how they've treated her. Maybe they'll see the error of their ways? I hope so, at least.

At any rate, I'm going to help make dress shopping and Homecoming so much fun that Jane will forget all about her douchebag parents.

Oh, on another note. I'm hoping that after we go dress shopping that we can drop by Party City and purchase masks. After all, it is Mardi Gras. And though others probably think of it as an orgy and beerfest, I think of it as the Masquerade. And thus, I'm going as if I were going to the Masquerade Ball in New Orleans. After all, the Ball was fun at Mardi Gras.

I realized that I forgot to post pictures of Jane and I dressed as twins. I have some, but I haven't uploaded them to the computer yet. I'll get around to it. And I may post after I go dress shopping, to tell of our ventures.

And there will be pictures from Homecoming, I'm certain. If I can just remember to post them.

I'm off to Smartania now, to read internet stupidity being mocked.

Until tomorrow.

Valete.
0 Comments
Mood: excited
Yaoi Fix: AxA tango. *w*

axa What is? [09.14.2006] Sep 14th, 2006 1:24:52 pm - Subscribe
emogirlie: It's not that I haven't been happy. I'm a very happy person. I was just jealous, is all. I was angry, and resentful, but I was still happy with my friends. I know that money doesn't bring happiness, and I know that I can not base how I feel about my family on the subject of money.

Speaking of the incident about last night, Jane is still really upset. We can't go over to her house on school days anymore. No matter that Jane is the child every parent wants, her parents can't see how good she's doing and how hard she tries to keep them please. I've said before that she's a model student, and I won't hesitate to say it again. She doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't smoke. She hangs out with people that don't try to influence her to do those things.

I don't see why her parents are so pissy and angry. Aside from the fact that they are douches in general. I can't stand them, and I'm pretty sure they don't like me. But heaven forbid, if Jane has friends over on school nights she won't get any sleep, and she won't do her homework! Except that we do our homework before we do anything else [except maybe eating].

We would have continued coming over, if her mother hadn't started to come home early. So there won't be anymore hanging out at Jane's house during a school week. Maybe if we have a holiday or something, but that's probably it. If that much. It's bad enough that her parents have her pretty much under house arrest. I feel that it's my fault that Jane can't have friends over on school days.

Wow. I've been on this tangent for quite a while now. First when they told Jane going over to a friend's house was forbidden for two weeks, and now that they forbid her to have friends over during the week or go over to a friend's during the week. I guess Jane's parents just really piss me off enough to rant.

Other than that, I'm starving. Since when is it okay for a school to not let a kid charge, if it's just once? Emily, Jane, and I didn't bring money for lunch, or anything to eat [because I woke up too late to prepare something]. And so, we are all hungry and in desperate need of food. I do wish that Computer Apps was the last class of the day, but I still have Forensics [ugh]. I think I'm going to be even more irritated at that class than I normally am. But, eh. What can you expect?

There's a chance we'll be staying for Anime Club, too. Which means even more starvation. I think I'll ravage the kitchen when I get home.

Atleast I don't feel sick today [surprising, considering I stood out in the rain for fifteen minutes last night]. Just tired and annoyed. I don't think I got enough sleep last night.

I'm out for today. If anything earth-shattering happens, or anything else pisses me off today, then I'll post again. If not, then until tomorrow.

Valete.
0 Comments
Mood: annoyed
Yaoi Fix: Axa sleeping.

axa Self-Conception [09.13.2006] Sep 13th, 2006 11:43:41 pm - Subscribe
I feel guilty.

As of late, I've been feeling very self-conscious about my status in the world. Most of my friends hail from well-off families. Lately I have been feeling that I'm not good enough, that my family doesn't have enough money. And so, for the past several weeks I've been very resentful towards my family, squabbling with them every chance I had. I thought that maybe I could convey to them how much I hated that we couldn't freely spend money every day, that I couldn't stand going to the mall with friends and coming home empty-handed.

Tonight, I was at my friend Jane's house, watching TV. I was supposed to stay there until 11:00, enjoying a show [Project Runway] with my friend. Her mother began to call for her, because apparently we were being too loud and Jane should be sleeping. When Jane yelled at her mother, her father came upstairs and forbid her to have friends over on school nights. I'm not sure if that means we can't have our daily homework-and-then-animefest, even though it only lasts until 6:00 every day.

And so, as I watched Jane and her parents have an argument, and witness Jane break down into tears, I realized that it wasn't worth it. Jane's family may have money to spend, but what the hell is that if you don't have a relationship with your parents? My family may not be rich or anything, but atleast I can come home every day to a mother that loves me and cares about me at the end of the day. I have a father, who though I can't stand and don't get along with, cares more about how I'm doing than if my grades are good and if I'm getting into college.

Right now, I just can't seem to comprehend how I coveted a life like Jane's. Her parents are absolutely horrible to her. It's like they don't even care about her, and that's sickening to me. I wish that she could have a better life, with better parents. If I had a chance to make her my sister, I think I'd jump at it. Even if she wouldn't have an endless supply of money, I think that she'd be happy. She likes my family, anyhow.
1 Comments
Mood: unsure
Yaoi Fix: AxA comforting my little Jane. ;o;

axa Mardi Gras [09.13.2006] Sep 13th, 2006 12:07:31 pm - Subscribe
tron: You are so right it's frightening. Sadly enough, the ideas the government are trying to conform us to are pointless and an utter waste of time.

What amuses me more, however, is that this year's theme for Homecoming is Mardi Gras. At the school I went to previous to this, Mardi Gras beads were forbidden to be worn, and the subject was pretty much taboo. For a good reason, too. Mardi Gras is a slut fest, a large orgy, and generally not a very proper theme for a school dance. They tell students that they trust their better judgement for how they dress, but when they give this kind of theme what the fuck do you think teenagers are going to take it as?

The only redeeming quality of Mardi Gras is the Masquerade Ball. Unlike the half nude couples trapsing through the streets of New Orleans, the Masquerade Ball is classy and enjoyable. But do people think of the Masquerade when they think of New Orleans at Mardi Gras? No. They think of drinking, sex, and partying until dawn half naked in the streets. From my experience with Mardi Gras, it's nothing that should be condoned within a school system. I rememeber seeing a homosexual couple on the streets. Now, I have absolutely no problem with homosexuality or those that participate in it. [Why would I be when I'm a yaoi fanatic and bisexual myself?]

However. I do have a problem seeing ANY couple showing off enough skin that it should be against the law and considered public nudity. One was leading the other [who was very scantily clad in leather and latex] around on a leash. It was utterly disturbing to see that. I can understand in the privacy of one's home. But not in public. I saw things I didn't need or want to see.

Students at school don't HAVE better judgement. They should know this by seeing how the students dressed last year, in effect causing the school system to enforce such a strict dress code this year. Though, even with the lack of taste in dress last year, I must say that the dress code this year is seriously out of line with how severe it is.

And the teachers are morons, in the aspect of exacting the dress code. For instance, a girl in the school was wearing a skirt that came above her knees, but she was wearing leggings underneath it. Should be fine, right? Wrong. A teacher told her to take off the skirt and the leggings would be fine. I don't know if you've ever seen the leggings that are popular these days, but they leave nothing to the imagination - down to the shape of a girl's nether regions and asscrack.

Another example of the idiocy of dress code enforcement. A young man was wearing a pair of pants, with a hole above the knee. Actually taking the time to consider that no one wanted to know what kind of boxers he was wearing, he wore athletic shorts underneath. The administration tells him to take off the jeans and just wear the shorts. Ever seen how athletic shorts hang on men? The don't exactly make it hard for others to envision what's under them. Not to mention the shorts were, OHMYGOD, above the knee. They had nothing to say about that. Just what the hell? Both of those students looked fine in what they were wearing. What the teachers did made them more indecent than they had been coming to school that day.

Utterly pointless. Stupid, foolish, witless, and ludicrous. I fear that the administrators, whether they have souls or don't, have no brains in which to determine that is decent and what is not. What is stupid, and what is not. Truly a sad thing, I think, knowing that they are part of the generation in charge of the world right now.

I definitely got off the topic of Mardi Gras. Generally I can keep my mind on one topic at a time. Perhaps today, because I'm somewhat sick, I don't have as tight a hold on my thoughts as I would like.

That's it for today. Until tomorrow.

Valete.
0 Comments
Mood: stupified
Yaoi Fix: Uke Aya. ;o; ;o; ;o;

axa Twin For a Day [09.12.2006] Sep 12th, 2006 12:05:33 pm - Subscribe
This week at school is "Spirit Week". Honestly, I have no school spirit. None. Nada. Zip. There are reasons why, of course, that I hate my school so much.

The first reason would be that the principal is a douche. He's enforced stupid rules that have only infuriated the student population. Such rules include: all shorts and skirts must be kneelength, no slits can reach above the knee, no college students are allowed to come to the dances, tank tops must have three inch straps, no fishnet, no spikes, no 'gang' related clothing, no frays on the jeans above the knee [including on wtfwtf POCKETS], no holes in pants above the knee, no headbands. For the love of our individuality, let us be! If the dress-code is going to be so strict, they might as well slap uniforms on us and get it over with. Honestly, I'd be happier with uniforms. I'd wear the male uniform, because wearing skirts every day would really become a bother.

The second reason that I hate the school is that we have five minutes to get between classes. Within these five minutes they expect us to go to our locker, use the bathroom, and cross the school building to reach our classes. A school building that is two stories, and whose halls bottleneck on a daily basis.

They took away our snacks and drinks. The soda machines [which are going to be switched to diet within the near future], are closed until 1:40. Oh yes. We really want a hefty boost of caffiene for our last period. How about you let us have our caffiene-induced euphoria for first period, so that we won't fall asleep? That seems like a more intelligent idea to me. Sure, we should eat breakfast before we leave home, or at the school. But what if we like grabbing something from the snack machines between first and second to hold us over until lunch. Poor fourth lunch is probably dying of starvation by the time they're called for lunch.

I say that I take this out on my school, but most of these regulations were decided by the WONDERFUL STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA LOLOL. I hate this state. It's a 'nanny state'. Pointless laws run abundant here in North Carolina. I would love to get out. However, the college I want to go to is here. But after that, I'm going to be gone. Somewhere else. Maybe I'll move toward Michigan. I like Michigan. Then again, I wouldn't mind Pennsylvania either.

Anyhow. It's Spirit Week. Today was decided to be "Twin Day". It is a day in which two people can dress as twins for the fun of doing it. Some teachers are offering extra credit to people to participate. Isn't it so sad that the students have to be bribed with extra credit to show school spirit? I was totally against dressing up on any of the Spirit Days [certainly not tomorrow when we have class shirt day]. However, Jane presented me with the suggestion that we should dress as twins. I agreed, because as long as she was doing it I suppose it was okay for me to be a little bit of a willing participant to Spirit Week. So Jane and I are dressed as twins, unless she didn't dress today. And then I'll hurt her during Forensics.

I might get a picture of us and post it here tomorrow. Maybe. Anyhow. I'm out.

Valete.
1 Comments
Mood: rantrantrant
Yaoi Fix: Alucard asking Aya to waltz with him. ;o;

axa Sick and Tired [09.11.2006] Sep 11th, 2006 11:56:14 am - Subscribe
To start out my entry, I'd like to pay my respects to the 9/11 catastrophe five years ago. Peace to the families who lost loved ones.

I'm exhausted today. I doubt it's because I didn't get enough sleep [I slept plenty last night]. I do, however, have a sneaking suspicion that Jane got me sick. She woke up yesterday with a sore throat, and I was around her half of the day. I woke up this morning with my throat slightly sore and feeling crappy.

First and second period dragged by, and I'm honestly surprised that I haven't corked off yet. But it might be because of that annoying headache that I have. Whatever.

I did get to watch Sensitive Pornograph. It was deliciously wonderful, and I'd like to see it again some time. More so I'd like to see Papa to Kiss in the Dark again.

frost: I think your Save as Draft idea is wonderful. It would be really helpful. You have my full support on that. <3

As for what Sensitive Pornograph is, it's a two episode anime. It's graphic, hardcore yaoi. Pretty much a PWP [plot, what plot?], but good any way you cut it [unless you don't like yaoi]. The two episodes involve two different couples.

The art in S.P. is wonderful, though I didn't like it as much as the art of Papa to Kiss in the Dark [which reminded me delightfully of the Weiss Kreuz Kapitel/Verbrechen-Strafe art style].

I'm beginning to take a special liking to Aeonity. Aside from having one entry fudged by inactivity, it's the only Blogging site available for my use at school, making it convenient and accessable. Not to mention that the community of Aeonity is significantly smaller than, say, Xanga or MySpace. And people are friendly. I like that.

That's all for this entry right now. I might update some more into it, as this is only the beginning of Computer Apps and surely I'll have more time to waste at the end of class.

Valete.
0 Comments
Mood: achy
Yaoi Fix: Alucard, Aya, Hikaru, Kaoru, Nagi, Omi in an orgy.

axa Ugh! [09.08.2006] Sep 8th, 2006 1:03:09 pm - Subscribe
I had a long entry typed out.

But apparently I signed out from inactivity when I went to lunch. So I lost the entry.

Don't feel like typing it up again. Too tired and no motivation to do it.

Long story short:

~>Tired as hell because I couldn't get to sleep tonight.
~>Liking the fact that Latin seems to only be getting easier.
~>Amused because Jane and Emily seem to feel weird about watching hardcore yaoi with other people.
~>Watched Pape to Kiss in the Dark yesterday.
~>Going to watch Sensitive Pornograph today.
~>Might hopefully get to see some Ouran too, and read manga.

That's all.

Valete.
1 Comments
Mood: sleepless
Yaoi Fix: Alucard shoving Aya against a wall.

axa Give it to Me Baby. Uh huh, Uh Huh. [09.07.2006] Sep 7th, 2006 12:07:04 pm - Subscribe
That title definitely has nothing to do with anything.

Oh your god. I joined dance club this morning. I thought that there would be just a meeting where we would talk about what was going on, but nope. Not the case. Jane, Emily, and I walked into find people already dancing. It's kind of exciting. The first thirty minutes of my day at school was spenty dancing. With Emily no less. Amusing, and really fun. It got the endorphins flowing, that's for sure.

Five minutes till lunch - yay. Even though I ate half of my meal second period because I was starving. Oh well. Maybe Emily will get fries and I'll steal some from her.

So yes, I'm pretty sure I passed my first Psychology test, and I might have passed my Latin II quiz. Maybe. Not sure, though. It's a good thing she made the last question a bonus, considering I was totally lost when I was doing it. Stupid "immemoris" being a substantive and all. It totally threw me off.

Back to the Computer Apps, and a ten question quiz.

Valete.
0 Comments
Mood: worn

axa Not the Drama! [09.05.2006] Sep 5th, 2006 1:19:30 pm - Subscribe
I finally purchased an Agenda for school, so that I wouldn't have to post it online. However, because I actually went to the trouble of making this blog, it seems almost rude to abandon it. So I think that I'll keep up with posting here, since this is the only familiar site to me that is available at school. Usually I would be blogging on Gaia, but it is blocked for some silly reason that I'm not aware of - I just know that the reason is not a good one.

So, about the drama [OH NOES]. I heard that my brother-like friend is interested in me to be his new girlfriend. The thought in itself repulses me, as I'm quite comfortable with our brother-sister friendship. I'm content being single, and I'd like to stay that way. Not to mention he's rebounding from a recent break-up, and everything would end in misery.

Aside from that, which to me isn't even a very big deal, life has been fairly quiet and non-dramatic. Yay for that. If there's one thing I can't stand it's teenage drama. Sophomore year I was dragged into drama on constant occasion, but now as a Senior I have bigger things to worry about than "OHMIGOSH, HE SAID WHAT?" and "SHE BETRAYED ME!?"

Life is better when it isn't hectic. Though my friend Jane has been having some parent trouble lately. Her dad pretty much forbid her from going to her friends' houses for two weeks. We can hang out at her house, but otherwise she's under house-arrest. Doesn't that suck in your opinion? She's a model student [top ten percent of the class], doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink, doesn't have sex, likes to read, and doesn't get into trouble. And yet they treat her as if she's some kind of child. She's seventeen and they're smothering her [even though they don't even know she's home most of the time]. I feel sorry for her. D: She deserves a massive hug when I see her in Forensics.

So, I love the band Pansy Division. They're very vulgar with their lyrics, but are altogether a very amusing band. Homo Christmas so far is my favorite song.

That's pretty much it for this entry.

Oh. And if anyone was wondering what "AxA" is [aside from being my username], it's the abbreviation for the pairing AlucardxAya, which happens to be a creation of my friend [Anna] and I. 'AxA is My Poison' will always have either Alucard or Aya in it, or both of them together. It's how I'm thinking of them today.

Valete.
0 Comments
Mood: pleasant
Yaoi Fix: Submissive Aya.

axa Homework. [08.31.2006] Aug 31st, 2006 9:21:19 am - Subscribe
Psychology
Current Event - DrudgeReport.com

Latin
Study for Quiz 22 [Moved to Friday].

Computer Apps
Yet to be decided.

Forensics
Yet to be decided.

To perfect110: I didn't know you when Aeonity was EmBlog either. Then again, I pretty much kept to myself except for a couple of controversial topics I discussed in my entries that brought attention to me. That was about it though. When I get the time, I'll check out your blog, but as of the moment I'm crammed with school work - mainly Latin as you can see.

Valete.
0 Comments
Mood: freakin' cold.
Yaoi Fix: Aya today.

axa Yay. School. [08.30.2006] Aug 30th, 2006 1:37:21 pm - Subscribe
Psychology
None.

Latin
Study for Chapter 22 Quiz.
Exercise 22e [1-3]
Exercixe 22f [1-4]
Chapter 22 Worksheet [1-5 in all sections]

Computer Apps
None.

Forensics
Yet to be decided.

I'm sure you noticed that my title was clearly sarcastic. Actually, today has been pretty terrible all around. And by terrible, let me tell you what I mean.

I set my alarm to wake me at 6:40 this morning - so that I could get up and take my routine shower and study for my Psychology quiz - but apparently my dear old dad turned off my alarm and I didn't hear it. He then woke us [being the rest of my family] up at 8:00, asking why we weren't ready to go to school. I had no time to study for the Psychology quiz, and inevitably I failed it horribly.

On top of that, I was late for school. Supposedly, on your first tardy you either get detention or a 500-word essay. I haven't been told if I was sentenced to either, but eh. If I am I'll just bitch and complain about their policy. If I had known I'd be late for school today, I wouldn't have come for fear of that detention. Why on earth would they want to deter students from coming to school, or even worse speeding to school to be on time and getting killed because of reckless driving?

It doesn't make sense to me at all, but whatever. I'm only concerned with passing this year and graduating out of the hell we call high school. I couldn't be more happier that this will be my last year of it. Though I'll miss my friends when we all set off to college, we'll still keep in touch.

Valete.
0 Comments
Mood: perturbed
Yaoi Fix: Alucard

axa Homework [08.29.2006] Aug 29th, 2006 1:30:33 pm - Subscribe
Psychology/Sociology
Study for Quiz on Wednesday.

Latin
Finish Chapter 22 Vocab.
Exercise 22c.

Computer Apps
None.

Forensic Science
Yet to be decided.

Basically, this blog is only going to be used to post and keep track of my homework because my school [cheap as they often are] did not give us agendas.

I feed off of my Agenda. It keeps me up-to-date, and here they go taking it away. Stupid people.

Anyway, thank god for Computer Apps. I can atleast post my homework online and get to it when I get home. My memory sucks like a mother, and without this OHSOWITTY idea to put my homework online, I think I'd be in some serious trouble.

But, now that I've gotten the homework posting out of the way, I can post something actually interesting for anyone who might be reading this.

Obviously, this is my first entry on this blog. I used to be CryAngrySoul on EmoBlog, but I guess it got deleted from Inactivity, or because they changed servers? Whatever, this is fine for me. I don't mind starting over.

Some stuff about me, I suppose:

[Name:] Jenny
[Nickname:] Kay, AxA, and others that I don't feel like mentioning.
[Sex:] Female.
[Hobbies:] Reading, writing, drawing, playing with my fat kitty Lynx.
[Interests:] Art, literature, music.
[Music:] Any kind of music is good for me. I'm not picky.
[Color:] Black, dark blue, dark red, neon blue, pink.

That's about all you need to know. Today I'm in a somewhat pacifist mood. Other days there will be a different side to me that isn't so pretty and nice. That side is usually set off by stressful days at school, or me just being in a generally bad mood.

For those that were reading, until the next entry.

Valete.
1 Comments
Mood: alive
Yaoi Fix: Aya in drag.