tim_martin's Blog

how i feel?!
Date: 5/24/2007 08:48 - Subscribe


?! can lead to
when i am happy, i like to surround myself with the only things want in my life to retain.... that is my friends, my family and myself... i always want to be alone just to feel happy back then and i considered my box of emptiness as my own home, my own territory, my utopia and my personal haven but that was back then now i am very comfortable with the people who i am close to unlike before that whoever comes close only befriended me for the past 8 years anyway that was ancient history.... now, i am very contented with the people around me they are not backstabbers, plastic, and other people who teazes alot.....

?!.... can lead to
when i am sad, i like to be alone and try to relieve myself from what happen, few years back i feel i was emotionally tortured and desperate, i always stay in the classroom, feeling a shadow of emptiness surrounding me and the only motive is "DEATH" but thank God almost all of my attempts have been denied... now the only sadness that i am feeling is that rembering the past.... but i know that i will meet death in an instance soon....
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Autobiography: the Hell & Heaven of my life
Date: 4/09/2007 09:02 - Subscribe


Life has its own circumstances, up’s and downs, and especially death…..

I started my day as a simple happy go lucky person yet I still find myself alone and insignificant to the crowd around me… as stares have surround me for the past few years it felt like I have large zit on my forehead yet I still go on my days as a human being.

On the first day of my life again, I found myself interested on a certain thing yet I still can’t grasp my attention on having it. I continuously reach for it but still it has some value to me but it went to another person and still I was the certain of attraction of most of the people in my life I desperately tried to be like them, tried this and that… after a few trials and errors I did get the attention and the respect that I really needed, but after a few months the abuse of me of helping them in any way have became so worst that even stealing my things would lead them to do, and I was such a forgiving person, I don’t even mind of what is happening after all I forgive and yet I never forget. It took me time to consider that I had a choice, that I had a life of my own, to know whether I want this and that to happen in my life…. But I only let it happen to me without considering that it would be painful until the end.

On the new part my life right now it is better before yet only in the house I have problems. Like somewhat I have problems with people that like people down (like school but only happens at home). But one day it really got serious but I wasn’t the cause I was the victim of it all, after a year my dad got serious and actually screamed at my mom and her…. I cried because my dad let my mom chooses whether she chose him or her (I won’t mention who she is), but I think my mom chose her cause I didn’t see my dad for a day (reason’s we’re that he just went out)… but since it’s nearing there graduation this year (2007), I’m a little bit happy because I can use the car for myself and have freedom only if they don’t use it…..

It’s practically taboo for me on my previous life… It’s like breaking a glass, because it gives you seven years of bad luck and also a year extension like buy 8 take 1, crap I hate remembering those worst days…. For example, grade 3 (or was it 4) I was hit in the head of an inch thick mathematics book for just telling or was it asking the teacher if we have a homework, like we we’re 13 in the class, imagine (only for you, if it was me it hurts already while telling you) like there we’re 12 of them and only one of you, like I don’t know how many times they hit me but I remember they did….. another one was in grade 4, it was like my birthday happy I was when one of them ask if they could have extra but I told them no they started teasing me an everything, I was a very very sensitive kid & I get hurt easily, so therefore I hid myself back at the door and starting crying the hell out of me…. Lastly in my elementary days grade 6, I was like doing my own business and this classmate of mine like tease for I DON”T KNOW WHAT hell as usual I cried and like gave me the finger you already know that people you see them often….

Ahhhh….. high school…. Many say it is the best part of your life it is the part where you enjoy and have fun


Oh CRAP!!!! It ain’t true for all I care mine wasn’t that great, that glorious, that insanely joyful…. Huh… for me it was the worst of the worst, it was like going beneath the abyss, or just for short going in a black hole……..

1st year:
A beginning of life in high school, best a little, met new people……. Got interested and made new friends, after that hell considered one of them as my enemy maybe a group or so…. Yah a group of them I really hate up until now……. I hate those people they are more than PLASTICS ( Plastic are considered backstabbing ass holes or jerk or bitch who only say good things when they really need you and bad things when they really hate you, and also they are the so-called acting friends ) they even insult & discourage you sometimes, like one of them for all I care insulted me when I was turning my back and then he like blame it on another classmate of ours which is one of his group of friends and then of course up until high school I am still the same a cry-baby…. Anyway the kid transfers back to where he came from and still the same……. Some of my old classmates never tease me again but I know they keep on back-stabbing me along the way…..
Aside from that, after a few weeks of class is over a general meeting of old classmate has begun, like they told me that a certain kid that I know and they know via sources from others and other schools in particular Sta. Maria Catholic High School told me that this person is transferring here in our school, namely PAREF Westbridge School Private School for Boys. They told me that he will be transferring here next school year and they warn me not to be friends with him or talk to him…. I don’t wanna tell you why because I don’t want to……..

2nd year:
The year that I hate myself and I hated it the most…..

It started with hi and hello, and to the new students, snubs… hehehehehe….
Anyway I saw that person which my classmates told me not to speak to… I actually spoke to the guy…. Ass I was…. A really humongous ass… I talk to him let him meet the old classmate the new classmate and especially letting him be acquainted with the group…. After a few months, he just backstabs me and like uses me for his own good. I was the class financer back then what ever they need they just consider me as there friend and then that’s it after that when they don’t need anything I’m public enemy number one…… usually for being so kind-hearted and so fucking generous hell I still let them trick me, it’s actually my fault I let them trick me and especially I talk to that person which I am not suppose to talk to……. And he was also the reason why I never get out of the house he like spread gossips about me therefore I see people staring at me and whispering as if my zipper was open whenever I went to the mall… that was the time I hated most of my friends because they too back-stab me and became a certified plastic…… this was also the worst for me because an important person in my whole life died…my aunt. She was like the one who took care of me, the one who was there when I am alone the one who gave me hope when I really needed it, the one who gave me a mothers-love whenever my mom was not there…. She was the best person that ever entered my life; she was my aunt, a father’s sister, the only friend that I trusted and a mother. When she passed away I felt like I have no more tomorrow, that soon I’ll be next… after she died I always wanted to join her at least I feel at peace and free from unwanted pain and torture.

3rd year:
It was like another year worst to happen, this was also the year that I also hated yet I like the subjects that we’re taught to us the most….

On this year I was public enemy #1, I was the center of insults, the center of the things you needed and especially the only person who would give you the right answers whenever there is a chemistry exam… they only like because I help them pass…. Huh!!!!!!!! After a few months, the foundation they came there we’re like Ferris wheel and a lot of nice booths, but I never spend my foundation day there I spend mine at my cousins’ school, which is Collegio de San Jose, it was fun he let me meet his friends and that when I knew that I still wanted to live longer….. but still the psychological torture that I have endure will never go away… pain of remembering each and every person in the class, remembering each in every event that I can still remember and especially remembering the one who I consider as friends turn against me..

Still remember the words yet I’ll translate…”We don’t like to invite you because we are ashamed of you”…..

How would you react to those words that even until….. it still haunts me and still I have a fear of socializing with other people who I don’t even know… because whenever I went to the mall as if I’m the center of attraction, people new me because of what have happen and rumors that came to them but I don’t know them…

4th year:
The last year of my horrifying life as a high school student, as a financer of the jerks in school and as the only person who is willing to help when those people needed me….
Came out hard because I needed to my research (thesis work) and I seldom do it… that’s okay…. I graduated anyway…

This year I knew what to do an especially until this year I was a loner, a has-been, a qualified ‘others’ if people would describe it.... but still I did things I knew was right….. not celebrating my birthday in school, why should I they are all certified plastics and also back-stabbing jerks…. Anyway this year I enjoyed my birthday, I even remember what one of my so-called friends asked me on the day of my birthday, “Tim, you don’t have anything to treat us, just even a soda ” ~translated version….

I repeat again why should I, they already trick me so many times, and this certain person always blackmail’s me, you call that a friend…. I considered him when he entered in our school in our 2nd year high school, but HELLO!!! What can you do, I shared secrets to him, gossips and even tiny white lies that I did, but I never expected those things to happen to me on my 3 years left of my life….. anyway I think it gotten more worst on our graduation, because we we’re supposed to shake our principals hands in thw stage, hell I forgot, remember it only when I already sat down my chair…….

After graduation I just ate dinner and left the building I don’t even bother to stay for picture taking, say hi hello to everybody and especially socializing with people who I hate and can’t stand on looking at…… what do you expect they treat me badly, I’ve gotten the worst out of their treatments on me anyway… normally I think about death for the past 8 years of my stay, attempted once or twice but hell overdose doesn’t work on me anymore…..

What have I learn in my high school life??

Don’t trust anyone even though they are your closest friends because in some time they can be your greatest enemy
Death is not the answer to every problem that goes your way
Pray to God always cause I know he will help you succeed



Now I’m COLLEGE…………………….yehey……………………

Anyway entered college meet new people seen new faces and thank God no back-stabbers, along the way…………………………

I met some people that would change my life,
I met some people that would give hope and love
I met some people alas would comfort me
I met some people who are worth calling a friend

In this new era, my day begun in a rainy day and a few protesters against our principal in all colleges (I thought that my first day would be glorious, sunny & joyful). That’s okay.
Since I knew people who I can trust and consider as friends and some who I can only consider as classmates.


On my 1st year college,
In this new era, my day begun in a rainy day and a few protesters against our principal in all colleges (I thought that my first day would be glorious, sunny & joyful). That’s okay.
It all began wating for our teacher in inorganic chemistry (chem. 101) in the ground floor of Mendel hall. It took out teacher nearly an hour to come and attend to class, but it was actually a substitute teacher represented by the Head of the Chemistry Department, Mrs. Vergara (forgot her first name). we like waited for her, while waitng I like talk to the people beside me for some entertainment and something good while the teacher takes too long to go to class. There I met Achim Juhara Bermejo(aka KIM) & Kezia Natasha Danar (Kez). I also met Jessa Mae Blando but she came late class and I keep on texting her the whole time because she is so late…. Super….
While waiting for Jessa, Mam’ Vergara discuss the rules & regulation in the chem. Lab anyway she’ll still give the photocopy why bother listen (hehehehehehe…)
After her discussion, she told us that we are going to get a quiz out of the discussion of hers, anyway thanks to Jessa we didn’t get the quiz for her being so late…. Yehey for that… On our class in Pharmacy Orientation, our teacher, Dr. Sumagaysay, told us to buy the history of pharmacy & orientation in the bookstore… after his class we went there Kim & I, oh my god it was so funny because like when we’re buying in the bookstore one of the group of classmates of ours introduce themselves (of course now I know them) like after the hi hello and my name is this & that when Kim and I went out I forgot all of their names and got a little bit of confused….. On the Wednesday of the first week of our class a working student went to our teacher in Botany, she wore something with flowers in our first day of class, and told us (Jessa & I) to go to the office, like we did of course….
The teacher there told us that we we’re late enrollees blah this & that anyway we we’re put to another section or was designated to anew section that is Pharmacy 1-C.
Anyway there I met of new people… we we’re not the only one transferred after a few hours new people keep on coming & coming inside… anyway that’s okay there I met a few people… too many can’t mention it but I met this certain girl who became president in the class anyway… we we’re so close as two peas in a pod but what you expect after a few months I knew the real her… I accidentally lost her diskette from what I know nothing important.. she got angry, not speaking to me in class… blah this & blah that anyway… until now we’re not talking to each other.
On my birthday, Sept. 8, I invited the whole class even her, anyway I called her house & texted her in her 5 sims different network twice… no reply, before the day that I’m gonna take my friends to a seafood restaurant like she like shouts at the class if who is willing to go to the mall with her tomorrow (the day I’m gonna take them to eat). At first I didn’t here her but one of my closest friend, Laleah Tan told me that she has been repeating it twice already then I heard her for the third time she repeat it… of course I felt bad and got loss… I never expected she will go that low to ruin my day… that’s okay I pull all my anger out anyway, I even skip class for the first time in college…. A little bit scary because the next teacher is really really scary…

I really really enjoyed my birthday….. closest people we’re there, my mom was there & especially my crush was there….. In this year I hated a few people and some I like…..

On our second semester of my first year I transferred to another section, Pharmacy 1-A, anyway they are decreasing our section into two anyway, therefore I chose 1-A. It’s nice anyway I already met a few of them, why not go back to the original section, like it better now…. In these section there are more gossips than an ant colony, heard about her & him, this & that, hate her because of this & that… so many I only remember some that still keeps on going on until now….

In this semester, we have the worst of the worst teacher that I have ever encountered and that is our healthcare teacher… oh my God whenever she comes into class as if it was as silent as a cemetery no ones talking not even a whisper…. Silent to the bones… like I think she hated me the most… she tends to pin point me & of course my answers we’re all correct, maybe some might be an opinion but why should I keep them to myself…anyway, I think her making me her number one in her class became less because she has another victim involve when it started in the myth or fact quiz…. So funny because we have this classmate not saying that’s she’s dumb or anything, she likes keeps on answering our teacher’s question since it’s only myth r fact in her case you need to answer why… she like raises her hand and then she our teacher ask her if why and she just said like dumb-like I got correct… ahhahaha…. We can’t laugh in class because she might get angry or anything anyway we laugh our heads off after her class…. Ahahhaha
Anyway that’s how interesting my first year college to be….

Since I knew people who I can trust and consider as friends and some who I can only consider as classmates.

Summer after 1st year was my first duty in my course ohhh…. My course is BS PHARMACY (4 year course)…. I needed to comply with the 160 hours of duty in the pharmacy (or called community pharmacy).

On my 2nd year college, the subjects are getting worst…
I feel like drowning in all the work that I have to endure anyway that’s college…. Anyway I pulled it off and pass like 1st year.
We have this teacher in chemistry, she likes well get late all the time and I mean really late as if in her class of 2 hours she seldom goes to class at exactly 30 minutes after her time and her class is the 1st subject of the day at 7 o’clock, anyway our substitute is much better, I’m not comparing only criticizing on her attendance in class.
Anyway... We have this teacher in our anatomy & physiology… like we don’t why she’s targeting Chinese people in our class or those people who have a Chinese last name… anyway like some of our classmate is getting a low grade in her subject because of that… we are still wondering why she keeps on targeting them. Anyway I past in her subject… yehey for that….
Yah but when I started enrolling in 2nd semester, it was the time where she actually like became cruel to me like I was the last person to enroll on the scheduled date for all pharmacy 2nd year… and when it’s my turn to like get a print out of my registration form there she told me you can’t be enrolled because you still owe the stockroom due to breakages and etc… hell I like ran from the our building, called Urdaneta Hall ( recently under renovation) going up to the 2nd floor of the nursing building, called Mendel Hall or the Science Building, and like ran back to Urdaneta hall to just get my registration printed, and I was like so tired and gasping for air to breath… haaa…. Thank God that maybe or wish to be the last time we will have her as a teacher….

2nd semester of my 2nd year… really hard like we have a few subjects but most of them are either major subjects or professional ones… so hard, I’m wondering if what is my grade in those subject…
I like so terrified that I was failing in pharmaceutical microbiology & parasitology, teacher here is Dr. Bermejo, that I like studied so hard with this and that ahhhhhh, cramming all night long because like he told me if I can pass this coming finals OMG I’m like dead if I don’t…. I also have a subject called pathophysiology our teacher here is our former teacher in Pharmacy Orientation & History, Dr. Sumagaysay, his a good teacher but never test his patience not a good thing to do in his class, on his final exam I like study and then write all his handouts that will come out in the exam I almost finished the whole handouts yet I didn’t finish because he was already outside waiting for us to go in because there is still another class having an exam and they we’re almost finish, then my best friend like showed me her notes and saw that I miss a few pages then I kept on reading it until our teacher would tell us to keep our notes, I wish I did well…
…anyway this summer I’m going to comply with the specialization that I will complete for 320 hours of duty…. That’s okay I’ll still live…..

Next year will be the next part of my life cause it will be the hardest, the most crucial of it all the 3RD YEAR.


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new path of life
Date: 2/14/2007 10:38 - Subscribe
Mood: happy


recently this valentine day.... i gave my crush in school a valentine gift a chocolate cake with her name on it & a teddy bear inside a box full of flowers(not really full of flowers i think a handful only)....anyway at first when i told her that i would give her something she thinks i was just joking but when i gave her first the box with a teddy bear inside & flowers she was shock and a little bit going red on her cheeks.... like i started to laugh a liitle because at first i was scared of giving it to her... so funny when you can see her face hiding and smiling a lot..... hahahha , if you could just see it anyway.... after the box while trying to make her firend jealous of her for fun i got the cake in the refrigerator & gave it to her while they we're in my room chatting, gossiping & playing then she was shock again with the cake one of them already know what i'm gonna give her on wednesday because all 7 of my friends, now closest friends, came to my house to eat lunch(i would invite them often on wednesday or friday or monda, if we have no class on our PE).... they eat there often anyway its fun having them around..... before we went back to school we we're having problems if who willl bring the things that i gave therfore i volunteer anyway i gave it to her why not.....
when we arrive in the classroom some people we're already asking me if who it is for and they keep on guessing who it is for, eventhough they are correct i keep on doing my stupid face up so that's why it won't look like it's true.... anyway after a few minutes i talk with the group and told them if i can put the gift on there side, the packaged make look suspicious yet i'm not answering any question i'm like shutting my mouth for the first time in class.... then we talk that who cares if i gave it to her they already know that i have a crush on her anyway.... that's the story of my valentines day(wednesday, 2/14/2007)

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just last night
Date: 12/24/2006 03:33 - Subscribe
Mood: forsaken


just last night before we left the house to buy our presents, one of my classmate called from my older school(can't mention it!!!) that we have a high school reunion on the said night but i was thinking seeing people and there faces might cheer me up but seeing those faces that may lead me to think again about the past that some of them have done to me.... anyway i'm a person who looks innocent, kind, loving, generous and forgiving.... but in the inside i am not too forgiving, i only forgive to those who are meant to be forgiven but in some people it can take a decade or two to be forgiven... it is easy to heal a scar physically than a scar which is found emotionally, mentally & psychologically....

Just last night i talk about my problem to my grandmother(or Lola we call it in our dialect ), she told me not to go to the said reunion or elses i might reconsider for what i have done in the past...


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Growing Old or just taking a few steps forward
Date: 9/04/2006 07:42 - Subscribe
Mood: grimace


This coming Spetember 8.........

I'm sure i'm ready to take another leap, i'm sure i'm ready to move on if the obstacles just come tumbling down on me but the only thing i'm most frightened of is growing up......

I'm noty a typical guy who would grow-up and be a man, i still want to cherish those happy moments like playing childish games, playing things that ain't for an adult to lay with i'm just in my teenage years right now but stil turning 18 is just a beginnig to know the difference between the joy of being love than the joy of loving someone...

i may not be ready for those types of relationaships but i still want to finish my course, i want to suucceed and be successful in my life and lastly i want to meet that special person after i graduated or being successful in life.
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