tim_martin's Blog

until now....
Date: 8/21/2006 01:14 - Subscribe
Mood: important


i come to school with a smile on my face and just waiting for the world to collapse...



like now while i'm typing this down i'm thinking if what should i do with my problem i only have a few probz in the house but deep down i really got a problem really really bad not in th house but something else.... like i really don't like to see certain people in my life neither the people that hurt me the most. i don't want to see them smiling from afar and trying to ask me how's my life ad everything and next thing you know it they'll be asking you for food and every thing let us just say it's normal for other people to see there long time friends but HELL NO i don't want een to remember, i already threw the pictures that have and anything related to it.... from books, magazines & hats for all i care.... i don't want see them nor greet them i don't want even to spend a little time to chat because i'm just gonna waste my time.



anyway. when isee these people just passing by i keep on getting this flashback from my past on what did they do to me, either thr good or th BAD, but what mostly popping out my head is the BAD. i usually can't take it i only cry for a few while and just sit back alone the corner and trying to forget about it.....



back then.... i sometimes think of mself as a useless person, insignificant & weak... sometimes i just wish that my chain of life will just end and send me to hell for all i care, because at school before i was like the center of attraction of everyone i was the one who is been teaze for the past 8 years of my life... as if when i graduated from highschool at the age of 16, i was saying to myself...."I spend half of my life in torment & staying unhappy for those 8 years"... i thank my teachers for prtecting me and guiding me all the way. i thank God that i graduated and meeting these people beside me and making my day a prosperous one for some reason i thank God for that....



i only want to let the you know that i have suffered a lot for choosing to be depress for the past 8 years of my life, and having until now on my 2nd year college at the age of 18 trauma or for me flashbacks from my past...



wen i think of t my result will always be suicidal but i won't do that a lot of people in my life cares for me and loves me... i still have to finish what i have started in my new life.... and certain advice or anything that can either cheer me up or brighten my day will....



thanks for reading God Bless
Comments: (1)

Still the same until now!!!!!!!!!
Date: 5/28/2006 01:20 - Subscribe
Mood: loyal


Last time when i was going to school for enrollment i never expect to see the person who i was link to made fun of.... i cried a little at first then told my friends about it when i came to school.... i am hoping not to see several people in my life that may include my whole classmate in high school & elementary coz you know what i despise them whenever i see one of them such memories that i can't bare to say comes back in just a few seconds in always makes me cry to remember the past... until now i haven't found the right friend or friends to talk to
Comments: (0)

Friend: a TRUE one or a FALSE one?
Date: 4/22/2006 02:33 - Subscribe
Mood: mystic


For several years, I have commited the only mistake the other human being can either commit once or thrice in their lives but I have committed this thing for several years with the same people, with the same attitude that i might think be good enough for me but at the end of it alot of hoorible things happen... first my life was really like or closely like hell, second my own privacy was exposed by whom if you ask my own classmates especially the so-called friends I chose... eventhough i'm trying to forget the past but some scars are left behind and unhealed, no such medication can heal it, neither spiritual support cannot ease such pain that marks this on my memory....

Whenever I eat or go somewhere I murmur to myself words that none wil here and also say that "Pls. Lord I don't want to see them". Even seeing the nicest people in my class in my old school makes me wanna jump off a cliff but I cannot commit suicide try it once didn't take any effect... Hate it!!!!! I wanna graduate college after that i can now work and get of this place, this country and especially the place where i grew up, i schooled in and i wanna live my past behind....

Now I am going to 2nd year college Pharmacy in Unversity Of San Agustin in Iloilo City, Philippines having good friends beside me wonderful people to talk to... and this time i never sleep walk or sleep talk... so anyway...

"Life can be horrible at first but getting stuff out of your head is much worser"
Comments: (2)