starting fresh...
Date: May 30th, 2006 10:14:43 am - Subscribe
Mood: changed
mass mediocrity sucks.: adulthood

yeah, it's been a while since I've written. We all know I go through these phases where I say I'm going to write, but I never do. But this time is different (ha!). I say that too, but I mean it this time!

For the first time in my life, I'm starting to discover my adult self. You know, that part of you that you said that you'd never be. The one that prefers older people, thinks about these "damn kids" that are ruining the world, and starts to enjoy culture, getting wrapped up into the world of the everyday, of their career, and their family. That's me.

Scary, huh?

I thought so too. It's not so much a sudden thing, just something I've noticed. I've spent the past few months in Florida despising the very place that was harboring the biggest change in me. Although I still have the emotional and relationship issues that I've always had, somehow, it's normal. I can now apply for jobs that are real, not just measly part-time work. I'm looking at where I'm going to live for real. No momentary blips in time anymore. This is it. I'm about to set sail, for good.

I just wanted to share. More coming soon. Probably less about me, although I'll throw those in there occasionally. I want to make this blog more of a societal perception from a crazy twenty-something trying to peak into the final stages of adulthood.

We'll see.
Comments: (1)

rainy days...
Date: Dec 8th, 2005 3:45:07 pm - Subscribe
Mood: down

I've decided that Florida is the worst place for rain. Everytime it rains, I feel myself slip into this pitifully drowsy, agitated mood. Perhaps it's the people I surround myself with, or perhaps it's the sleep deprivation mixed with the heavy, ominous music I've been listening to. I knew that there was a reason pop was so popular.

Wanna know what else I've decided? The music scene in Orlando sucks balls. We have the bigger acts that come through here, but that's usually expensive and a lot further away to drive to. Aside from that, the whole local band scene is pretty much non-existent. God, I miss Nashville. *sniffle*

Other than that, I pretty much am in class most of the time, all of the time. Occassionally, I have time for sleep or cleaning. Or getting drunk.

Where has my life gone?
Comments: (2)

Date: Nov 10th, 2005 1:53:03 am - Subscribe
Mood: drowsy

Well, well. So what has been going on in life? Not a whole lot lately, I must admit. I'm busy with school and work, and more work.

I've decided that living in Orlando is insanely crazy. Rent is expensive, life is expensive, and when you're in class 40 hours a week, you don't have a whole lot of excess time to get a job. I've applied to be a freelance music writer at a local paper around here, so hopefully that turns out for the better. I guess I just have to keep in mind my dad's quote growing up: "God won't ever give you any stumper harder than you can handle, but he won't give you an easy way out, either."

Aside from being stressed about school, life, and money, I've just been realizing how sometimes unsettling it is to grow up. It's hard, sometimes. You go off to school, pick a major, pick a career, and essentially, pick your life. Most of the time, though, we never really realize that we're picking our life. I know that nothing's definite--you can always change your mind if you don't like something--but at the same time, you can't change something that you haven't tried. Intricate madness, that's what it is. And forever daunting.

Regardless of all of the stresses around here lately, I'm doing well in school and I've met some really great people down here. I've taken up photography and I've been playing my guitar more. I'm reading, and learning--and that's really all you can ask in life, right? When all else fails, I know that I'm thankful for finding the good Show Pro kids that I'm really starting to get close to. I have a feeling we'll all become very close to each other. I also have great Gen Ed friends that have been there with me through a lot, even though I don't get to see them all. And on top of all that, I still have all of my beautiful, unforgettable friends in Nashville and at home. I miss you guys. I hope life is treating you equally as well.

Alas, I must go to bed. Enough talk of sad topics and complicated mind musings. I hope all of you are doing well, you're in my prayers. And to those of you who made me smile today when I found it hard to, you know who you are, and I am eternally grateful for your gratitude. I hope I can extend the same to you someday. happy.gif
Comments: (1)

to-do lists...
Date: Oct 19th, 2005 8:27:06 am - Subscribe
Mood: aloof

It seems every day we add something to our to-do lists; something that we want to do, be it now, in the near future, or in the distant future. Such items include you know, grocery shopping, tattoo inking, body piercing, or hell, even bunjee jumping. Or for some of us more southern, rural, or family oriented people, it's marriage and children (as opposed to career oriented, not necessarily southern or rural--but typically urban life is associated with careers and is the antithesis of baby-making, although the process I hear is still in full effect).

These are all lofty, attainable, sometimes routine (and some not) goals that we all have at the back of our mind at some point in our lives, even if you aren't a "typical" goal setter/to-do list maker. My question, however, is this:

Have we become so pre-occupied with life's daily occurences, our careers and our daily routines that we somehow find goals no longer...plausible, realistic achievements? Or has our culture just produced such busy, lazy people that we are incapable of carrying out such endeavors?

Whichever the answer--or even if it's not one that I've thought about--we should do something about it (ironic, huh?). I know that I am guilty of this to-do list writing syndrome all the time! Oh, I want to work out this many times this week, or oh...I'm going to do chores on this day, but it really gets pushed back to a few days later...or oh, I'm going to go grocery shopping and buy all natural foods, but you end up buying frozen pizzas and going out to eat later on that evening...or oh, I'm going to learn to speak German and buy the disk, but never actually use it...and the list goes on.

But how do we change? How do we change the perspective that has washed over our culture? All that we seem concerned about lately is work and being successful. It's almost to the point that I think we sometimes can't even fully achieve what we set out to do in our personal relationships, careers, and in life.

I guess there's not much to do. We could add it to the to-do list, but let's be honest--it won't get done. Everything is nicer in theory. sad.gif I wish I had my own little Buddha to belly rub for all of the answers.

The moral of the story, I guess, is to try and be more realistic when it comes to things you want to do. And if you really want to do them, you must forge past the forces inside of our measely horrific American mindsets to overcome and achieve. Don't settle...don't be subdued. Fight the man! We will rock on!
Comments: (3)

Date: Oct 19th, 2005 12:51:09 am - Subscribe
Mood: nauseous

Do you ever watch commercials and wonder why your life isn't like that? Seriously, how many times have you turned on the tv and there's people madly in love, or people laughing and falling into a huge pool of those styrofoam 'S's.' Or how about having a facial orgasm ove r a pot of soup? I'm pretty certain I could make a really long list of all the commercials that depict gorgeous people having the time of their lives.

If this is the case, why is it that real life is never the same. I realize that companies make commercials to entice you to buy their product by making you think that their wonderful gleaming heap of cheap plastic will make you or your life as beautiful as those gorgeous people on tv. And if they don't use the beautiful approach, they use the fear factor approach, which in essence makes you believe that if you DON'T buy their product, then your life will be worse off than it is now.

Well, you know what I have to say to that?

Do you?


Fuck that.
Comments: (2)

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