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tori hmmm.... - Subscribe
i've decided to resurrect my blog. I haven't written in a while, but I think that my unencumbered mediocrity is due to the lack of having a creative outlet--rather than turning to a more...harmful vice...I will try something constructive.

So today, today was interesting. But before I get into the deep, heavy stuff, I should say happy birthday to Jess! Sweetie, I love you! You're one of the most genuine people that I've ever met. I hope you continue to stay that way, and I hope your 20th brings you nothing but joy! happy.gif

On a more sad note, this week, this month, and this semester seem to continue to get shitty. I have this overwhelming feeling of impeding doom, no matter what happens. It's like...I'm emotionally blocked from being happy; odd, I'm a typically happy person. Perhaps I've gotten too arrogant, taken things for granted, not fulfilled my promises to the man upstairs, or hell, maybe kharma is really kicking me in the ass really hard this time.

The only think I can point to is this--I believe I've embarked on a new phase of life. I'm graduating, in May. I'm moving on. I will not stay in Nashville, and I will again pick up my life and move like it's the most natural thing ever. I will leave behind my friends, I will leave behind my school, my newest 'home,' and I will search to create a new one.

It seems the older I get, the quicker life progresses. I once had a theory on it, slightly introduced from my father; when we're younger, the day seems to take forever because there are less days in our existence. This means that the days make up a significant part of our 'perceived' lives. As we get older, we've experienced more time, more days; thus, each day is a less significant piece of our existent. I've decided that this is how 20 years can disappear with the snap of a finger, not to mention our constant obsession with time and deadlines that make us rush our lives away.

Aside from that mini-tangent, I feel more alone than I have in a long time. I realize that most of the people I consider influential don't mean as much as I wish they would deep down. I realize how significant I am as an individual each day, and it's hard to go back to the time when I used to think one smile could move the world.

When I think about it, though, this feeling parallels that of when I was graduating high school. I was getting ready to embark upon a new place, a new situation, a new life--one filled with uncertainty. Here I am, about to make the change again, this time with older, more mature and experienced eyes, making the uncertainty even bolder. How I wish I were 5 again.

It's amazing, as you grow, you realize just how insignificant you are. We all grow up with these ideals, these pipe dreams that we think will somehow lead us somewhere amazing and significant. And for some, it will do just that. We think that we'll stay young forever. We want to go to high school, go to parties, run off to college, hurry up to get a job, and what for? Only to work the rest of our lives and stressing out about meetings and deadlines, only to have a mental breakdown and suffer sever anguish and depression as we wish that we could relive our childhood.

Or maybe I'm just bitter.

Mood: burdened

tori surprise! Mar 20th, 2005 12:28:11 am - Subscribe
Yay for surprise parties! So yesterday was my great friend Jess's birthday. We all kind of played dumb and let it slide while we waited for Saturday to roll around so that we could have a surprise party for her. It turned out to be great, as Dillon did a totally kickass job of planning it. happy.gif Way to go, Dill!!!

It was actually a really neat and nifty idea. Friday, Dill surprised her with a scavenger hunt. He picked a few places that meant the most to them in their relationship, leaving clues for her in CD cases of bands that they had gone to see live together. Overall, I thought it was the cutest, most romantic thing ever!

Saturday was the party. Dill got all of Jess's good friends to show up. There was flowing liquor, a random mix of people, and homemade sushi with some saki, midori sours, and a mix of other things throughout the night. I thought it turned out to be a great time, and I think Jess was surprised.

Although most of this seems mundane, I think it's important to remember how important birthday's are, especially for those people that really matter.

Jessica Addine Hernandez is a special person. She's sweet, southern, genuine, positive, dedicated, and extraordinarily intelligent when it comes to pretty much anything and everything. If you happen to know Jess, you should consider yourself a blessed person. She's one of the few that you should spend as much time with as possible--she'll change your life around for the better. Whenever I'm having a bad day, I know that I can call Jess and regardless of how silly, trivial, or selfish my qualm may be, she always cares 110%.

Jess, this is a tribute to you, on your very special 20th. I hope that it may serve you well, and your passage onto your adult years will prove that you're, in fact, not 40, even if you feel like it. I love you, chica, and I have the utmost respect for you. Keep being you!
Mood: slaphappy

tori yay for soy candles... Mar 20th, 2005 11:25:08 am - Subscribe
Okay, so I went shopping for Jess's birthday and came across these amazingly nifty little vegetable oil/soy candles. I just had to share about their utter amazingness.

Not only are the extremely potent with all of their lovely scents, but they have an intricate design that almost looks like crystal formations; when you burn it, the little lengths of the crystal-like legs stick out a millimeter or two over the edge of the burnt circle, which is so cool. On top of that, it's smokeless, sootless, and it burns more slowly than any other candle.

I highly recommend this candle that anyone that likes candles. It's totally kickass, and I love it. Yum, it smells so good!

Yeah, someone take the work away from me before I go crazy!
Mood: geeked

tori haha, riiiight... Mar 25th, 2005 5:25:39 pm - Subscribe
Okay, so now that my stress and depression are wearing off, I've had the time to look around and discover how ridiculously ludacris life can be. For example:

Have any of you ever looked at the back of the *cough* "Blue Raider" Planner & Handbook? If you haven't, you're missing out. Especially on the very back. Let's take a look, shall we? (word for word)

All I ever needed to know, I learned from my advisor
(wow, if that were true, it would be a sorry, sorry world we lived in).

  • What classes to take this semester, and nex semester, and next semester, and...
  • How to read the darn catalog (yes, it says darn)
  • How to calculate my GPA ('cause you couldn't figure that out at the Records office)
  • Why I can't take 40 hours if I can work 40 hours (uhhh...who the HELL would want to do that?)
  • That I should study a minimum of 2 hours outside of class for every hour in class (HAHAHAHAHA...yeah, I'm still laughing).
  • How many credits I need to graduate (umm...isn't that in that darned catalog they "taught" us to read?)
  • Information about graduate schools (who the hell wants to go for more school?)
  • How to get an overload (wow, I didn't know that they condoned overdosing..I mean, overloading...)
  • Why I must take general studes classes that have nothing to do with my major (I still haven't figured that one out).
  • "Mr. Staff" isn't the hardest working instructor on campus (haha, someone that works hard? That's a joke).
  • How to withdraw from a class (you mean not going won't work?)
  • An advisor writes a good recommendation letter (ha on what? She can't even remember my name)
  • How to change my major (like I need to spend another 4 years here)
  • What minors might be good for me (but she doesn't know me, so.....)
  • Scholarships offered by my department (even though I've walked by the fliers 812 times).
  • Why I shouldn't take all of my classes in a row (oh, I thought it was a good idea at the time!).
  • When and where to file my upper-division adn intent-to-graduate forms (a what?)
  • What employers in my field are looking for? (umm...someone to do the job?)
  • What campus organizations would benefit me (cause I need to be poorer)
  • Career information (haha, let's work on graduation first)
    No comment

Mood: cheeky

tori yay for...wal-mart, NOT Mar 28th, 2005 9:44:05 am - Subscribe
Driving along Rutherford on a not so bright, yet not quite gloomy day, I pull into the turning lane to go into wal-mart. Sitting idly by for the light to turn red, I hear a 'HEY, GIRL!!!' Much to my surprise, my head turns. I see a guy, one that I've never seen, calling to me, his head hanging out the window like a little puppy dog drooling for fresh air and maybe a tennis ball. Did I mention that he was also driving? Scary. I've never seen dude before. Bizarre. Very bizarre.

I slowly entertained the idea that maybe he wasn't talking to me. But as I thought about it, I was the only car in the turning lane at the time. I did have my window down, and I was tapping my fingers along the steering wheel to some lovely Jason Mraz...but is that really what inspires a "hey girl!'? Maybe my hotness was too much for him. Or maybe I did know him, but he flew by so quickly with his head hanging out the window that I didn't realize it. But I, honestly, only know one guy that drives a pickup truck. One. And it definitely wasn't him.

I mean, seriously, people. I mean, yes, it's cool that random people will say hello to you while trying to murder people on the way out of Wal-Mart, but let's learn a lesson from this. Don't hang your head out the window and drive at the same time, especially not while you're calling out to people that you don't know. That's a bad idea. That's why we have cell phones. And if it was just a cat call, well, find a better approach. There's nothing attractive about a guy in a beat up pickup truck with his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

End of story.
Mood: bizarre