- Mental Junkyard… mind the dogs

another day another million	Oct 9th, 2007 11:25:24 pm - Subscribe
And the jury has returned with their verdict: yesterday sucked. I'm so disappointed with myself. Its because there's a deep dark cruel part of me which has been unwillingly dredged up lately and I hate seeing it get used. I'm tired of trying to bury hatchets in other people's heads so I'm going to put them deep deep deep in the ground for now. There are people that I know that bring out the worst in me. These people know who they are and they know that I'm angry with them. Anger is such a frustrating emotion for me. I've never been able to veil contempt. Perhaps I've enjoyed letting it out too much. I've become a poisonous viper, and now I'm threatening to bite my own tail. My head is a mess, and words have been exchanged that can't be taken back. They ring in my ears and bring tears to the back of my eyes, but I refuse to believe that I'm what you, what you both insist I am... There's a deep discontent in me. A deep irreconcilable void between the people that I love dearly and those that I can't love, who stand with those I'm ambivalent to. I'm so full of rage. I'm so full of rage. I'm not making sense. Medowie is the same as it was before, but the talk we had about not being so aggressive when talking to me seems to have stuck and despite yesterday's isolation, things have been resolved. How can one person make me feel like I'm even getting better when the other one makes me feel like a monster? Maybe I am a monster, and if I am what does it matter? Slowly the blocks fall into place then spin away again because you're re writing history and I'm not allowed to take my red pen to your sanctimonious new tale. Slowly the blocks are whizzing closer and closer to my face as you redefine the chase and tell me how I felt and made you feel and how your version is the real deal, but mine, mine is a forgery. Slowly the blocks are making contact and they sting and they burn with cold fire and they hurt deep inside where only memories should live. Slowly the information falls into place that you and I have been hurling the blocks...
mood: grouchy	(1) comments

	end-of	October 10th, 2007
	First of all, that picture in the background is extremely gorgeous. Did you take it? That's some nice pen and ink stuff there. And second, it's been a while since I read your blog. You've been going through a lot (obvious has now been stated) and I just wanted to let you know that I can completely understand it all. It looks like maybe things are improving, which I hope they continue to for you. Strange how words can make us identify with a complete stranger worlds away, but they can and I do. Your verses at the end there are beautiful. And that is all for now. Take care. - end-of.