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I tired to sit down and do some maths work today but stupidly had listened to eagles of death metal and found my brain buzzing with potential thoughts. I could not silence the whirr. The music and the excitement and the imagination set off a chain of events that noone could stop. And I started to wonder again. I was uncomfortable, at first, with what had been a rather plesant experience in the past… and wondered if this were the start of another upswing, but then images and metaphors and just plain imaginings started building and I found it a far better thing to dream and wonder than to risk dwelling in the hum drum world of reality for too long. I started to wonder if you could teach a man to dance by shooting at his feet. Perhaps there would be something beautiful emerging there if you indulged and practiced the art for long enough. And this is how I came to wondering about you. Perhaps I wondered about you first and this was the result of those imaginings too. But either way this was the final destination of my thoughts. Because I started to imagine how you would react to finding me in this rather excited state. I thought of course that you would be absolutely appauled, and that despite my best intentions to keep it a secret from you that you would immeadiately know that I was buzzing along and you would revile from me as you usually do when I am in these moods after a short obligatory period of course, where you try to settle me down. You are afterall a good man. And I wondered what things used to be like before we became so married to each other. And in that way I consider us married as in tied. Both unable to escape like two entwining vineries of a pea plant or a bean, which grasps and clings to grow and then ultimately succumbs to a much larger plant. So I wondered Would you be inspired by the way that I could talk to you now. Would I be interested in your replies and would it be a good thing for you to get out of your clumsy reality and take a tour of the world without your logic. I have taken to escaping in movies, and left books for dead. They feel like too much work and I imagine people that don’t read very well would say the same thing… But I have not taken to leaving my musings behind… I’m sure I just momentarily forgot how. This is a return to madness. |
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Today was not a good day... its safe to say that things are either wonderful or horrible if you don't hear from me, not that there are many ears to hear now. I had no energy. I had no motivation. Today was the kind of day when I felt like the scum between humanity's toes... or rather, that nasty useless shit underneath that manky big toe nail. One of these days I'll go to sleep and won't wake up... because I live the fuking fairy tale... and I'm still not happy. |
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There's nothing like some premenstrual energy to get you going and cleaning your house... that and realising that your melancholy is partly to do with the stale attitudes of someone else and your reaction to them... and when actions are taken to deal with the problem, then life continues sweetly. |
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I've been thinking a lot about two things. The first is pretty common enough a thought. Its about people. The second, if you humour me, is rather random and its about numbers. In regards to people it seems as though two people are not meant to spend their whole lives together, and that monogamy goes against the human success story. Hear me out. Most people get to a stage in their lives where familiarity has bread contempt. And this is another matter in unto itself. But in a human life span, who that person is, what they like and especially what they need are fluid concepts. So, its quite possible that the younger you find someone the more likely you are that you will break up. That is unless of course, you grow and change together. This is very unlikely. If we consider our life span, the things we like change. Are you the same person you were when you didn't like the things you like now? What defines you? And is the biggest killer to a relationship a lack of change. Because if we take this premise and accept that we are morphing all the time into something that we are not now and we accept that any person we think we are going to spend the rest of our lives with will also be morphing at the same time, then how likely is it that we are going to follow the same path? And in a strictly evolutionary sense, what is the benefit of monogamy? What benefit do males of the species have from staying with one female (or male). Presumably if they can impregnate us then their job is done and they should go off and shag something or someone else. Realistically, women really in a truly hunt and gather sense need protection mostly from other men (and this is quite possibly the success of patriarchy). I may have lost the plot, so with that admission, lets think about numbers... Its amazing that we can use one small simple symbol, say a 6 to represent a word. I'm sure that the ancient people who used hieroglyphs had the same sense of pride in their written word. But think about it, Si'ix that's how we say it, we draw out the I and then we have a word, represented by one little un-decodable symbol. Its amazing. I was struck by this while watching utter crap on the television. Sadly I really want to go to bed, it is late, 11:50pm. My other half still isn't home from work. Don't worry, i'm not as cynical about him. He's older than me by 8 years, and so finding each other is not so close to the beginnings of a life. There is less changing to be had. And we seem to change together... but as for familiarity breeding contempt? I'll get back to you on that one. Take care all. Tron |