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Its been a long time since I've written anything. This was brought to my attention by someone I haven't seen in a long time. It was nice to catch up. Don't get too big a head about your mention. I'm ok. I just haven't felt like writing here for a while. I haven't had anything to say. Things have either been going well enough to distract me from the blog, or have been going badly enough that I didn't want to spread that kind of thing around. But here I am with another post, from my rather quiet life. I'm waiting to hear back from a job interview yesterday. Its for teaching art. I think the interview went well. So, its just a matter of time to see how I really did with it all. I'd love to teach life drawing to groups of women. It would be excellent. If I don't hear back from them, I start a trial with a restaurant locally next wednesday. I don't really want to work there, but I really would like to have more money again. I want to buy a coffee machine! (and be able to afford to pay bills...) I'm very tired at the moment, and not very motivated. Its a 'time of year' thing. I'm trying my best to doggy paddle to some kind of land, but the waves of my uncontrolable emotions are washing over me and sending me back into myself again. I think I need to withdraw from certain situations. I'm sorry, I'm not ready. Just not. Its too hard for all concerned, and for what? Things get further under my skin than they do those around me anyway, I'm sure of it. Shopping tomorrow for a dress to wear to a wedding. I'm MCing a friend's wedding. They must be silly putting me in that position... I'll have to write speeches its high school all over again. I'm painting more. Its for uni, and its good to be doing it. I'm caring more about this stuff. But I have to go. next week I have a lot to do and I need to go away and get some of the work that I have been putting off done. curse my shithouse study habits. I'll see you all... never. Tron |
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How would I describe my day? What metaphor could possibly encapsulate the decadent awfulness of today? Could the be such literary anomalies? Let me attempt anyway to paint you a picture, with faeces on the wall... It is raining here, turning the ground into a slush which resembles a mucous more than mud. I saw a duck go tits up, it is no lie. My car died today. Its not my car, but it IS my primary mode of transport. four thousand plus dollars and two weeks to get it back on the road. Money I do not have. Money we do not have. It is spewing a fine mist of coolant out of its arsehole, the result of a dead head gasket. In short, new engine. So in light of this, I've been offered a dream job. I can teach art to semi-intoxicated women via the process of studying hot naked men. What could be better. Lets get a little feminist equality happening here. BUT... I've been offered a trial waitressing. Nice place, but its just the same old shit. I don't really want to take the work, but the money might be better. The 'right choice' is to take the trial. To do the shitty work for more money. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And because the car is dead, I'll miss both the Fathers Day dinner with my family tonight and the Havelocks gig I've been dying to get to.... Did I mention I have to pull 4.5K out of my arse? I don't make that in a MONTH! this is rooted. so very very rooted. If you don't mind I'm going to feel sorry for myself... OH and PS Dave you're a fucking CUNT because you're full of shit and you're a two faced arsehole! There I said it. Sure, I think Disturbed is GAY but if you make a big deal about me not going because its going to be a 'boys night' and you're glad to get time with Tim, don't invite other chicks, or it just looks like you don't want me there you anal fissure. Fuck you. --tron |
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I've been thinking about context... and how it can really make or break a set of circumstances. you know, that thing that seems so tragic in one light could actually be uplifting in another. Case in point: I am terribly behind at uni... what might seem a disaster, in another context, could be an uplifting point because it would reveal the imperfections in a somewhat perfect appearing character and hence make that character able to be related to in a more 'real way'. So, to make this all make sense, if I were Rory from the Gilmore girls it would be a charming plot twist, to reveal my age sensitive innocence, when it were revealed that I am behind with work. But my circumstance is that I am just behind in a 'reality' that gives no shits for the struggling student who desperately just needs to get out and start doing her 'job' of choice without all the fucking hoop jumping! In other news, I think I may be making my hair confused. I have been picking shampoo based on smell rather than label. I'm using a normal/clarifying shampoo and a moisturising conditioner. There's ya fluff people. Is it as cute coming from me? Bah, there could be more on this subject, but i think i would be repeating myself. Listen to feist. Tron |
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Unsent letter -MGF I try to talk to you And can't get past the weather The friend I thought I knew Found somethin' somewhere better So I'm hangin' on your line Thought we could speak together Don't know what it is with you You seem gone forever I'm spending all my time Driving 'round, faking clever With a girl who seem alright And another one who's better I don't know if I lied When I said we're not together But I tried to talk to you And somehow you seem gone... I know what could've been Try not to think about it Found it hard to live with this Longed to live without it My dreams have caught me out I find myself surrounded By the odds of our own ends Enough said about it I'm spending all my time Driving 'round, faking clever With a girl who seem alright And another one who's better I don't know if I lied When I said we're not together But I tried to talk to you And somehow you seem gone... I've given up some things I guess that doesn't matter Started other things I guess that doesn't matter I finally wrote your song Another unsent letter In a pile addressed to you Care of something somewhere better I'm spending all my time Driving 'round, faking clever With a girl who seem alright And another one who's better I don't know if I lied When I said we're not together But I tried to talk to you And somehow you seem gone... I'm spending all my time Driving 'round, faking clever With a girl who seem alright And another one who's better I don't know if I lied When I said that I'm together But I tried to talk to you And somehow you seem gone forever Yeah, I tried to talk to you And somehow you seem gone forever Yeah, I tried to talk to you Somehow you seem gone... If you know, then you'll see the irony of what was and what is. I'm crying tonight because I've lost two... two because I wasn't able to make the right decisions. The internet swallowed my post. So maybe you're not meant to know... There's nothing I wouldn't do for either of them... So I wish I were as cold as a cast iron cunt. |
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I had the mother in law of all anxiety attacks last night. there were visions and uncontrollable crying. There was feeling 'lost' and small. I was engulfed by a wave that I didn't see or hear coming. Then suddenly I was under. Afraid. Lost . There was nothing I could do, except wait. |