- Mental Junkyard… mind the dogs

confessions	Oct 1st, 2007 3:26:36 am - Subscribe
For those that know who I am and that I can be found here, this is my confession. This is something that shame would have made me hold back in the past, but perhaps the truth is the best way to setting myself free... The night before last, I attempted suicide. My partner had to hold me down forcibly to make sure that I didn't eat enough pills to actually do the job. I was taken to the hospital, and there bloods were taken and things were ok. They didn't pump my stomach. Tim's intervention meant that I couldn't swallow a fatal dose. I had been out drinking, and I knew lately that alcohol fueled my suicidal tendencies. I knew that after a few drinks I would play chicken with myself, practically dare myself to do what I couldn't do when I was sober. I'm now in a position where I can no longer drink. My relationship is hanging by a thread, because who would really want to make a life with someone intent on shortening their own? My partner is shaken, in fact, he's disturbed. I'm left thinking that perhaps the best thing would be for me to leave in case I disappoint him again. I'm terrified that in some perverse way, if I don't leave first, he'll leave me. So this is my confession. I'm here, just trying to make sense of it all....
mood: reserved	(0) comments