tron's Blog

it doesn't mean anything
Date: Jun 7th, 2007 5:29:31 am - Subscribe
Mood: frazzled
something in the real to share: I'm warm, comfortable, a little bit overweight. A little unfit. I am average, and okay.

I looked up, for the first time in 15 minutes I looked up and saw the sky. The city lights were reflected in a pink band of clouds across the sky. It meant nothing, and it didn't have to mean anything to anyone.

This feeling is so new to me.

Once my life was filled with a sense of endless meaning. Metaphors on metaphors for the human condition. I strove to understand why people did what they do and to locate myself within that realm. I had things to say of consequence and passion.

That is gone.

Now there is a steady foundation for the life I think I'll be leading. There are questions and doubts in the back of my mind (is this what i want? can i do this for the rest of my life?)...

And then a song comes onto the radio, as I write this and strain to keep the train of thought alive... in this moment... meaning is injected again into the void where it hasn't been for some time...

I try to talk to you
And can't get past the weather
The friend I thought I knew
Found somethin' somewhere better
So I'm hangin' on your line
Thought we could speak together
Don't know what it is with you
You seem gone forever

I'm spending all my time
Driving 'round, faking clever
With a girl who seem alright
And another one who's better
I don't know if I lied
When I said we're not together
But I tried to talk to you
And somehow you seem gone...

I know what could've been
Try not to think about it
Found it hard to live with this
Longed to live without it
My dreams have caught me out
I find myself surrounded
By the odds of our own ends
Enough said about it

I'm spending all my time
Driving 'round, faking clever
With a girl who seem alright
And another one who's better
I don't know if I lied
When I said we're not together
But I tried to talk to you
And somehow you seem gone...

I've given up some things
I guess that doesn't matter
Started other things
I guess that doesn't matter
I finally wrote your song
Another unsent letter
In a pile addressed to you
Care of something somewhere better

I'm spending all my time
Driving 'round, faking clever
With a girl who seem alright
And another one who's better
I don't know if I lied
When I said we're not together
But I tried to talk to you
And somehow you seem gone...

I'm spending all my time
Driving 'round, faking clever
With a girl who seem alright
And another one who's better
I don't know if I lied
When I said that I'm together
But I tried to talk to you
And somehow you seem gone forever
Yeah, I tried to talk to you
And somehow you seem gone forever
Yeah, I tried to talk to you
Somehow you seem gone...

And I think of the conversation we had tonight, and the strain as I tried to keep the conversation going, to hold on to you, to believe in you again...

But thats inconsequential.

My life is unfolding, and I'm going with the flow, but I'm not water, I'm earth, I'm growing. I have perspective. I am in love.

I try so hard sometimes to be strong.

Well here are my insecurities for the world, and they are there. And so much is happening and nothing at all...

god I wish it made more sense... and I wish it meant more to me, to someone, to anyone. I wish I could indulge a little airy fairy significance...

tronxx




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